Continuing their reign of underwhelmtion*

I didn't watch the first half of the Illini game last night, except for a couple minutes here and there. I was really hoping they would come on at 6 and then I could watch the entire game. Anyways, I'm not sure how the first half went, so I'll just have to assume I know how it went. Shittily. So I'm going to base my opinion of the game purely on the second half that I watched.

First, another poor, poor output on offense. We would have scored in the 60's if we could have made some fucking free throws, but in general I was very underwhelmed. I get really sick of watching the players just stand around while Chester dribbles the ball, only passing it around the backcourt while players are getting great position down low. Then with ten seconds left Chester creates and throws up a shot that's pretty ugly, but last night it was going in. That's not offense. That shouldn't be considered a reasonable option. It's not.

And why can't we make any fucking free throws? Do we not practice it? This is the second year in a row where we've been terrible from the free throw line. And we're LAST in the Big Ten this year in it. We should never be last in anything in the Big Ten, unless they keep a statistic called sucking. We can be last in that. And has anyone else noticed Shaun Pruitt's practice stroke he takes while he's at the line? I sure have. He never uses his legs when he does his practice stroke, but then he's obviously using his legs when he shoots actual free throws. Seriously, should I just coach the team?

I think the players on this team in general just have a terrible basketball IQ. I think that might be part of the reason why the Illini can never close out games. I would like to reiterate that I don't see the point of fighting through a screen along the baseline, because by going under it, you can basically pin your man in the corner and get in the passing lane. Yet the Illini continue to do it, and they continue to get burnt on it. But I just think in general that as the game goes on, the other team is able to make adjustments to what the Illini do, and that is how they go on runs. Meanwhile, the Illini don't seem to make the adjustments and they make the same mistakes late in the games that they make early in games. I mean, we just saw it two times in a row last night where Neitzel was coming off of screens and got a three. Part of that is on the coaching staff to help these guys realize the adjustments they need to make, but I think a huge part of it is just that the basketball IQ isn't there.

I can't really speak about a whole lot of good things about the game last night because I didn't see much. I was glad to see Chester scoring and shooting with more confidence, but I'm pretty sure it was just because it was a home game. Maybe I'm wrong and he has a great ability to forget about the previous game, but I don't thinks so.

Also, it's not like this was a great win for us. This was a win we needed, but we didn't beat their brains out, even though we probably should have after only giving up 17 points in the first half. MSU was coming off a huge high after nearly beating OSU at OSU, and this was their second road game in a row. They were pretty much set up for a let-down game.

I pretty much think the Illini backed into this win, kind of the same way that we backed into the Indiana win. This win doesn't leave me feeling confident about anything other than the fact that we'll probably play the rest of the home games this way: build a big lead, then give it up down the stretch, then we may or may not hold on to win.

We might as well be Purdue since we're only about 50/50 to win anymore games on the road.

So now the question is, even if we get that 10-6 or 9-7 record in the Big Ten, do we have a chance to get into the NCAA tournament hanging our hat on a win at a neutral site during the non-conference, and then winning at Minnesota, but defending (mostly) at home? And then even if we do make the NCAA tournament, is there any chance that we make it out of the first round?

I don't mean to sound all pessimistic, but this is what was running through my head at the end of the game last night. I'm just too used to watching this team blow games down the stretch to think that anything good can come from it, regardless of what (if any) tournament we play in at the end of the year.

I sure hope this team can prove me wrong with a vengeance.

*It's a word, look it up.

I think I'm going to the dark side

Well, what a game the Illini had on Saturday afternoon. I didn't know if they would be able to maintain their high level of play after beating the Hoosiers at home, but they sure proved me wrong. Yep. No let down whatsoever.

I don't know what the deal is with the Illini any more. I'm sick of trying to figure it out. First, granted, they played on the road against a Purdue team that is apparently unconscious playing at home. That same Purdue team lost to Minnesota on the road. So it's hard to say whether or not the team just plays lights out at home, or if they're an actually better team than the Illini. But here's what I saw from the game.

How does Illinois come out so terribly on offense? While I can argue all I want that they weren't getting any calls for the first 10 minutes of the first half, that doesn't mean anything. They managed to get Landry into foul trouble early. Then the calls were called either evenly or actually in the Illini's favor for the rest of the game. Purdue just had the intensity and no one on the Illini did. How we come out and lack the ability to match intensity with a team who should be inferior is beyond me.

What is Chester's problem? He's never been afraid to shoot from the outside in past games, but recently his shot has stopped falling. But how immasculating must it be to not even be guarded unless you're within about 15 feet of the basket? And not only that, he didn't even make Purdue play at all. He would just stand behind the three-point line, trying to decide if he should shoot or not, then pass the ball. He wasn't being guarded, he could have been slashing to the basket during ball reversal or something. And while his intensity on the defensive end was useful at times, at other times it worked against him. I seriously don't know what the deal is with him, but he needs to pick it up. Big time.

Also, why could no one defend Teague? He's got a quick, pretty accurate shot, yes. But look at where you are on the floor before you try to fight through a screen. There were a number of times when Teague was curling around a pick only to have the Illini defender follow him through it. But the majority of the time, the pick was occurring below the free throw line, which would have meant that the only place he could have gone to get his shot, if the defender went under the pick, was to the corner. And that's an extremely difficult pass to make for anyone. Plus, they would have had to lob it over the defender/screener anyways, allowing time for recovery. Where was the defensive adjustment to recognize that though? Probably about 60-75% of the time Teague was defended pretty well, but he made his shots when he needed to.

The one lone spot in the entire game, at least in my opinion, was Rich McBride' s aggressiveness. It's about fucking time we saw the player we all expected to be seeing at the beginning of the year. It was like he realized that no one else was doing anything on offense, and he managed to get to the rim a couple of times. Well, maybe not the rim, but he attacked the basket and made a couple shots inside the three-point line. In addition to that, he got to the free throw line a couple times as well.

However, that was the one lone spot. I know I've been an avid supporter of Bruce Weber for a long time. Right when we first hired him, I was tentative, then we were 3-3 in Big Ten play his first season, I thought it was a mistake. But since then I've not had a problem with him. I even thought his recruiting was sufficient. However, I may be starting to change my tune. It's not to say I think Bruce is a bad coach, because I don't think he is. And I'm not sure he's a bad recruiter. But with all of the young, up-and-coming coaches in Division I these days, think of all the good recruits we could be getting in addition to the solid coaching. Could we make a mistake and bring in a shitty coach who rode one good team to success? A Lon Kruger of the 2000's if you will? Absolutely. And that would suck. But this team should be in a much different state than it is currently in.

Before I was thinking that Illinois would have a cake-walk through the rest of the Big Ten season, but now I don't think so. If teams defend their home floor the way Purdue did, then we're screwed. However, if they defend their home floor the way MSU or Michigan did (both games we should have won), we may have a chance to finish fourth and make the NCAA.

After Saturday, and with Arizona getting the shit beat out of them by UNC, I'm not sure it matters where we end up playing at the end of the year. It's not going to be good enough.

You're on notice bitches (if you're on this list)

I used to be really busy. Seriously. I had no time whatsoever to do a lot of the things I used to enjoy, like watching TV. I wouldn't know what I was doing any given weekend until Thursday or possibly even Friday. That pretty much changed when I became single living in Peoria. I had all kinds of free time. Especially over the summer, my life began revolving around TV. It happened gradually, so I didn't really notice it. It started with Thursday nights too. Watching It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia was the most important thing of the the week. More important than work.

Well, anyways, as I was sitting on Monday night, working on my recap for a show that's on on Sunday nights, I was realizing: I don't have as much free time any more. It's amazing how one or two responsibilities took so much of my time away.

So from here on out, I'm shirking all responsibilities. My baby mamas are not going to like that.

Speaking of not liking that, let's find out who's on notice this week:

Additions to the list this week:

Yahoo Mail. For some reason Yahoo, excuse me, Yahoo! Mail has been acting completely stupid since Wednesday. Since I do most of my work through Yahoo Mail, you can imagine how difficult it makes my job. Ok, so maybe I don't use it for work email, but I am on it a lot throughout the day, and it basically makes web navigation impossible. 'Why, I have new mail? Why let's check out the inbox and see who it's from. Uh, come on you slow piece of shit. Ok, cancel that. Let me go to another page. Oh, that's not gonna work either? Outstanding.' Fuck you Yahoo Mail. Get that shit worked out. Until then, you're on notice!

Kelvin Sampson. No, this isn't an addition. But we beat his brains out. While that's also not entirely accurate, he did lose, and the Orange Krush got a bunch of quality chants in. Fuck you Sampson. Go back to your underachieving Oklahoma program and your NCAA recruiting sanctions.

Firewalls! So I was doing my normal web-surfing during some downtime on Wednesday morning (I think) and I made my way to TVGasm. Then I went back, closer to 11 or so, and sure enough, it's now blocked. This is great, because now that I, you know, write something for the site I can't even get to it while I'm at work. Not only that, I can't go to a number of other sites. For a while, it was impossible to check Myspace profiles, but I could go to my homepage. That has since been unblocked. I can't to go With Leather any more either. WHICH IS A SPORTS BLOG. So, thanks to people using clever domain names, I get screwed out of going to them because the company I work for is run by a bunch of Ebays, Intertube hating jackasses. So firewalls, Fuck. You. You're on notice.

Indianapolis Colts. So now you're taking on the Bears in the Super Bowl. Apparently your quarterback isn't the choke artist that he's been in the past, which is good for him. Also, you're 7-point favorites, which I'm totally cool with. You're more than welcome to be the favorite because the Bears do much better when they're not expected to win. Just as the Saints. You think you're going to be able to play that well when you're not in the RCA Dome and your fans aren't going to be able to control the noise level? Fat. Chance. Also, I don't care what you think, but our coach was the first African-American coach in the Super Bowl. Who cares if Tony Dungy is a copycat?

Off the list:

Money. I still don't have enough of it, but Yahoo Mail was making me way more angry this week.

Winter. It was only supposed to be like 29 here today and it was 44 when I came back from lunch. So you get a temporary reprieve winter. I'm still keeping an eye on you though.

Bill O'Reilly. Apparently he had a body language expert on his show to discuss his appearance on the Colbert Report. I guess I don't really have a joke or anything for this. But anybody who buys into body language experts is not worthy of being on notice. They're too simple.

Really? Decision-maker?

Now I try not to get too uppety about politics because I don't know that much about it. I know what I don't like. I don't like people lying to me, passing the bill, or being treated like I don't understand the complications behind certain military actions. For instance, if you caught the Daily Show last night, you would have noticed that Dick Cheney flat out denies being wrong. EVEN THOUGH THERE IS EVIDENCE. I hate that shit.

But anyways, it looked as if once this Democratic Congress got elected that the president was changing his tune and would be open-minded to working with the Democrats. Well throw that out the window.

In a move that could only be considered confusing at best, Bush said that he is the "decision-maker" on the number of troops we send to Iraq.

I do not even know if he understands how the political process works. I really don't think he does. It appears that he thinks he can just strong-arm Congress into doing whatever the hell he wants, and it just doesn't work that way. He probably thinks he's more of a dictator.

Congress will have to approve whatever he proposes. And just by naming himself 'decision-maker' isn't going to influence their thoughts one way or the other. So, in all actuality, he's not even close to the decision-maker.

But you have to love his midguided insistence otherwise.

How to get Bears Super Bowl tickets

Some people may be getting tired of the fuss that fans in Chicago are making about the Bears going to the Super Bowl. Well, I'm not, but I could understand if those non-Bears fans outside of Chicago were getting tired of it. During baseball season, Chicago is divided up into Cubs fans and people who for some reason like the team on the south side of Chicago. So the Bears allow all of Chicago's fans to come together. And Chicago has been desperate for a championship since the great Bulls dynasty of the mid-90's. And you know that White Sox fans are especially desperate since the World Series was cancelled in 2005, resulting in both the Astros and the Sox becoming losers.

But the Bears are back. And with the possibility that this could be the last Bears team to make it to the Super Bowl for a while, fans are trying to do whatever they can to get tickets. People like this dude, a car salesman who will give away any vehicle up to $15,000 for 4 tickets. Or there's this contractor who will install hardwood floors for free.

I don't think these people are going far enough. I don't even think this person is going far enough, but they have the right idea. So it is with that in mind that I would like to list my suggestions for how you should go about getting Super Bowl tickets.

Body Parts - As I said, the person who would give away their kidney for a ticket had the right idea, but I still don't think it's going far enough. What about both kidneys? A kidney and a liver? Appendages? I think at least there should be a two organ minimum if you're going to trade something for a ticket to the Super Bowl. If not, you're just not desperate enough. Or you could just let them harvest your organs when you die. Some people may be too shortsighted for this though.

"I should be a bargaining chip"

Sell your child into slavery - Now I don't have a kid, but I think if I did, and I was that desperate for tickets, I would sell my child into slavery. I think that they would do the same thing to me if our roles were reversed. Of course, some people may not be satisfied with the amount of work a child would do. So you can also sell yourself into slavery. But, be sure to remind them, that a child will get bigger, and will probably be a much better slave than you would ever be.

Sell your body for sex - This one would be an easy one for me. Although you would have to come to an agreement about for how long you would be whoring yourself out. Also, you may want to decide how ugly you're willing to allow yourself to be sold to. The more desperate you are, the uglier you'll go. You also need to decide if you're going to allow yourself to be sold to a member of the same sex. Once you make the decision though, there's no going back. Also, ladies, you may want to bring in one of your friends for help. Not that I condone that sort of thing though. (Note: I totally condone it.) And please ladies: no uglies.

Sell your soul - Now with this one you have a couple of different options. You could write that you sold your soul through a binding contract, and just do it that way. Then, whoever holds the contract holds your soul. Of course, if you do that, you may be holding out hope that your soul really isn't in the contract, and that you still have it. Well, I've got some bad news for you. Or you could just sell your soul. I think I know someone who would be interested.

Commit a crime - You know that everyone thinks about committing crimes, but they're too scared to do it. That's where you come in. Say someone's been conspiring to kill their boss or their co-worker or something. And they just happen to have tickets to the Super Bowl. You take the tickets off their hands, kill the person and destroy the evidence, piece of cake. If, of course, you should happen to be caught, it is up to your discretion whether or not you give their name up to the police for making you kill someone.

So it should really be easy to get tickets to the Super Bowl if you want them. You just have to want them bad enough.

Cram it up your Hoosiers*

Last night was a very important win for this Illini team. I don't think that's a surprise to anyone. However, I think this could be a game that will (hopefully) be the turning point game that I hoped the Minnesota game could be (but wasn't). So here are my thoughts on the game last night.

First, it Orange Krush was awesome. I thought maybe the only thing that would happen was that they would boo Simpson** and that would be it. But damn was I sorely mistaken. The chants as old Cal*** walked out of the locker room of 'Call me Kelvin' were hilarious and poignant. I really also appreciated the 'Don't call us; we'll call you' chant while Wilmont or whatever his name is was trying to shoot his free throws. And finally when he was getting booed like crazy during his interview right before halftime was awesome. The Krush brought their A-game. And it was all insulting to the coach and not to the players, which I found particularly classy. It was much more classy than I would have been.

Now to the game. You could tell that Bruce Weber wanted to win the game because he was all up and down the sideline on the bench. He was screaming, pointing, arguing, pouting, and calling out plays and directions. This team has had a tendency to just kind of fall into a lull, and I think this might be the best way that Weber can offset that.

In the first half the defense started out pretty slow. D.J. White was hitting, other players were hitting, and Illinois was slow to rotate. They picked it up though, and Indiana stopped making anything. To be able to shut down any team for over 10 minutes without a field goal is a credit to any defense, and also our rebounding prevented second shots from close range. It was too bad that our offense was sluggish, otherwise we may have been able to not only come back to tie the game but pull away.

Rich McBride was pretty impressive last night. I'll admit I was all over him at the beginning of the season. I think it was fair too, because he blew. Hard. But now his defense is continually improving and he is shooting the ball with confidence. And if he makes his shots, I don't care where he shoots them from. He is still a liability passing the ball occasionally, which should be one of his stronger points, since he's usually passing it anytime he's not wide open. But it's not. However, he makes his free throws, and last night he even made a shot or two inside the three point line. Overall I was impressed.

Both Shaun Pruitt and Warren Carter were monsters on the boards. A number of times we held the Hoosiers to just one shot on a possession because of their ability to rebound the ball. And I don't know if the Hoosiers just had a small lineup or if none of their guards ever went in to rebound, but it seemed like on every possession either Carter or Pruitt was pulled down a rebound. I know Carter only had six, but it seemed like he was pulling down big rebounds at the end of the game a lot.

I liked seeing Carlwell get some action last night, but I did not like seeing Marcus Arnold get into the game before Carlwell. Why must we continually play Marcus Arnold. He is a waste. I wouldn't say Carlwell is a liability on the defensive end, as he helped cause (I believe) two steals last night. On the offensive end, he's at least tall and has pretty soft hands. Arnold has nothing. He's undersized, can't jump, can't rebound, can't really defend, except for his wide base. I just don't understand the thinking here.

I really like Chester Frazier's intensity, but I have a question. Well, I guess I have two questions. First, why can he not shoot free throws? He wants to be a point guard, he needs to be shooting 1000 free throws a day. He just looks terrible at the line. Second, when the game is going to come down to free throws, I appreciate that he wants the ball in his hands. But can't he give it to someone who is money from the free throw line? We had Rich McBride, Jamar Smith and Warren Carter all perfect from the line last night, yet Chet refused to pass the ball to them and took the foul himself. He did make the front of of a bonus last night (twice, I think), but he was 3-7 from the free throw line. There comes a point when you need to make the decision that's right for your team, and as a point guard, if he can't shoot free throws he should be able to get it to someone who can. In addition to that, what was the deal with just having the ball taken right away from him as he was basically dribbling right in some dude's face. His passing can be kind of lazy too. I like having him on the floor, he just really needs to focus and make the right decisions.

There was a stretch in the second half where I was pretty sure we were trying to give the game away, but we managed to come back strong. Once we got up by 8, we never led by less than 4 the rest of the way out. I think this game could help us to keep intensity in the second half when we have a lead.

So now we're 3-4 in the Big Ten. We benefit greatly this season by not having to go to Wisconsin or Ohio State, so we're done with them. And, personally, I think the refs screwed us out of the Wisconsin game, not so much with fouls called against us, but by not giving us baskets on various plays. Regardless, we're done with those teams, and we've already played Michigan and Michigan State on the road. We should be able to win out with the schedule we have left, and if we lose, I see only two potential losses coming at Purdue and at Indiana. We've already shown we can beat the Hoosiers, so hopefully we'll have Brian Randle to help drive the point home in Bloomington.

If we go 11-5 in the Big Ten, we're in the NCAA tournament. If we go 10-6, I think we're still in. If we go 9-7, I think it's close. But I see no reason to believe that we can't at least go 7-2 in the final 9 games.

*I'm pretty sure this doesn't make sense as it is. However, since I think of the Hoosiers as assholes, you can just substitute assholes and make it work.

**I know his name. It is out of pure disrespect and contempt that I misspell it.

***Ditto. I loathe him.

You kiss your, uh, kids with that mouth?

Shortened weekend in Chicago, and it was actually supposed to be pretty low-key, as we really wanted to avoid spending as much money as possible. But there was no way that I could not go to the city to repeat the events for last week's Bears game, lest I anger the football gods resulting in a Bears loss. That was not something I wanted on my shoulders, so obviously I was going to Chicago for the game.

So anyways, I got to the city around 6 on Saturday night. I went to get beer as soon as possible so I could keep the evening as cheap as possible. So, I'd had probably something like 8 beers before we went out (wow, did I really have that many?) around 10:30 or 11. We went to this bar and I have no idea what its name was, but we stayed for approximately 10 minutes before leaving.

Here is where the night took a turn into the bizarre. We had already planned on going to the Hange Uppe, which is somewhere we never go. Of course, there is a reason for not going there. They play a lot of 80's music there, and sometimes you can be in the mood for that, which is fine. I've been there before. But a lot of the time the crowd there is less than desirable. So it's good to go if you're pretty trashed.

Anyways, we walk in and we go downstairs, which is where they play the 80's music. First we go the closest bar to get drinks. I think we were pretty much all under the assumption from the moment we walked in that none of us were drunk enough to be there. But, it was our choice regardless.

The air was thick with B.O. Or feet. Or puke. Or perhaps a mixture of all of them. With our drinks all in hand, our group (there were 5 of us, 3 dudes, two ladies) made our way to an open area on the dance floor. This area also happened to be directly in front of the stage area, where a group of uglies was dancing when we walked in, but they had been replaced by a group of women in their late 30's to mid 40's. Well, soon enough, we found out the most likely reason that this particular area of the dance floor was open.

We make our way to the spot, and before all of us even get there, Dumpy is grabbed by one of the ladies on stage and given a kiss on the lips. Immediately after that, the lady next to her grabs Dumpy and kisses him on the lips. While that was going on, the first kisser grabbed the Balsan and gave him a kiss on the lips and tried to shove a piece of ice (and probably her tongue) into his mouth. Following that, one of them grabs Muffy and starts going in for a kiss before Muffy pulls away and hides behind me. She wanted none of that apparently. Then, anywhere between like 5 and 45 seconds passes and then finally one taps Toots on the shoulder and asks her to go up there for a kiss as well, but she apparently wanted none of that. I mean I don't understand why.

The entire time, there I'm standing, not too far from the stage, but I'm watching all of this happen and I'm also trying to avoid eye contact with any of these ladies who might grab me and try to kiss me. And you know what? Not one of them tried at all. So, uh, that's not spirit-breaking or anything. I mean, these older, probably drunk ladies grabbed the two dudes and then the two chicks, and then didn't even bother giving me a passing glance. It was like they made the conscious decision. They looked at me and thought, "You know what, we're drunk, but even we have standards for who we'll randomly kiss on the lips while at the Hange Uppe dancing to 80's music." And I think that's what hurts most of all.

Well, as I tried to put the pieces of my life back together following that horrible rejection for the rest of the night, there wasn't too much of note that I can remember. I'm not exactly sure what time it was that we left, but we ended up going to El Burrito, where we hadn't been in a long time. I remember at various times throughout the night pointing out that I had no cash and opening up my wallet to prove it. Then I made various phone calls throughout the night and attempted to play "Hey There Delilah" while on the phone and drunk, but, surprisingly, it didn't work out so well. We'll just assume that it was because we couldn't remember the words and that was the only thing wrong with it though.

Anyways, that was pretty much where the night ended. Shortly after the abridged version of the song we got off the phone and passed out. Following that was the AWESOME Bears game on Sunday, and that's just about it.

The Bears are in the Super Bowl, so it was a super fucking awesome weekend.

Hey, remember the Cubs?

I've taken a little bit of a break from the Cubs lately, as basically there has been absolutely nothing going on. And as exciting as nothing can be, I just haven't really cared much. But, it appears as if something may actually be happening again. That's right, I've got speculation!

But first, this weekend was the Cubs Convention. I of course have never been to this, as sinking that much money and being around that many crazy Cubs fans unless it's in Wrigley Field. Plus, I also would get really bored standing around in line all the time. But, I was reading up on it at Goat Riders of the Apocalypse, and I saw one really awesome thing from the Q & A sessions with Lou Piniella and Jim Hendry.

In response to the insinuation that Rothschild deserves blame for the failings of the pitchers last year, Piniella responded with: "You can't blame a pitching coach for that. You can't blame a strength coach for that. You can blame a manager if he allows a guy to go out there and throw 100, 145 pitches consistently, and all of a sudden he breaks down, and that won't happen."

Then, later, Hendry said "[Larry isn't responsible] for who comes in in the seventh - that's the manager's call."

Goatriders goes on to question why we retained Dusty Baker as manager, but that's beside the point. The point is that, finally, someone is willing to pin blame on someone who actually had the most responsibility for the sucktitude of the pitching staff and all of the arm problems over the years. Imagine if, say, Mark Prior hadn't been rushed back from injury, or Kerry Wood hadn't been rushed back from injury, and once back they didn't throw so many pitches.

I remember a post I made a while ago in response to an article in the Tribune about how so many pitchers had gone on the DL this past season. I believe it was right after Carlos Marmol went on the DL. Dusty was quoted as saying something about the problem being that the pitch counts were too high. But he refused to accept responsibility in setting pitch counts or anything. Also, Marmol would have been an obvious one to need a pitch count because he used to be a fucking catcher! It's common sense, something obviously lacking under Dusty Baker.

So, this could be yet another positive of bringing in Piniella as our new manager. First, pitch counts. This will be especially important with our young pitchers. I'll admit that I was pissed off about the low pitch counts that Kerry Wood had imposed on him during his rookie year. But, in hindsight, think about if he'd had those low pitch counts and didn't end up requiring surgery any of the times he's had it. Or at least one of the times. Imagine what kind of pitcher he could have been if Dusty had kept a closer eye on what was going on. And also consider how lucky we are the Zambrano's arm hasn't fallen off.

In addition to that, hopefully Piniella's rules will force the pitchers to work closer with Rothschild. I'm not expecting Rothschild to be a savior or anything of the sort for terrible pitchers like Jason Marquis and, well, Jason Marquis, but at least maybe the young guys can learn a little something. And if they can't learn from Rothschild, maybe at least Rich Hill can help them. I also want to point out that it can't be a bad thing that Piniella speaks Spanish.

Now for the rumors that have recently started swirling. Well, recently in some cases. First is that Cliff Floyd is, a month later, still close to signing with the Cubs. Apparently he's also gotten some interest from a couple other teams. He's probably just waiting for an offer from the Cubs, and if he doesn't get one, which he probably will, he'll move on. I'm hoping it's been made pretty clear to him however that he'll only be a fourth outfielder. Of course, I'm fine with having his bat on the bench, but I'd prefer our fourth outfielder to be, you know, a good fielder as well. I guess you can't have it all though. It seems as though Piniella likes Murton, so it's at least good to know that Jones shouldn't steal too many AB's from Big Murt.

One crazy rumor is that the Cubs may have had discussions about bringing in J.D. Drew. His deal with the Red Sox still hasn't been finalized, and maybe he's getting sick of waiting and not getting the money he thought he would get. At this point I think we could bring him in for maybe 2 years. That would allow us to get rid of Jacque Jones.

Speaking of the Jacque, I've read various things about him being ok with staying in Chicago, even though it was reported earlier that he wanted out. So he may or may not be on his way out and he may or may not want out. But, Soriano has given his approval for a move to CF, so we could either keep Jones in right or move him to center, whichever works better. I personally think I like Soriano a little better in right, but I don't really care a whole lot. I just want the season to start.

Speaking of, less than 1 month until pitchers and catchers report. Awesome.

Super Bear down

What an amazing game for the Bears yesterday. At the beginning of this season, I actually never thought that the Bears would seriously make the Super Bowl, although, of course, it was something I was hoping for. It's just that since I've been alive and able to understand the concept of sports (and stop using diapers, which, surprisingly, only recently occurred) the only team that I've ever expected to win a championship has been the Bulls. Sure in 2003 I hoped the Cubs would make the World Series in 2003, and once the Illini started kicking ass 2004-2005 they were the best team in the nation and I knew they'd make the championship game. But, hands down, beginning to end of the season World Champion expectations only come from the Bulls. Hell, the Bears have barely been able to scrap their way to a playoff win that I can remember.

But yesterday was such an awesome game on so many levels.

First, special teams was much improved. To get a turnover (Adrian Peterson is terribly underutilized on offense, but he has almost as much impact on special teams) was absolutely huge. Not only that, the coverage (on kickoffs especially) was much improved, Hester failed to fumble any kicks, and even Brad Maynard had a pretty awesome day. He did have some terrible kicks, but, as opposed to last week where he really only had 2 good kicks, he had AT LEAST 3 absolutely stellar kicks. And Robbie Gould was automatic all day.

Second, blitz protection was much better. Rex on the whole had more time to throw than he did against the Seahawks, and I think that is both a credit to the offensive line and to Cedric Benson's improvement and increase playing time.

I think playcalling was weak in the first half, especially in the first quarter. It was pretty weak all the way up until Rex overthrew Desmond Clark in the endzone. That play was perfect, and Rex just missed it. From that point on though, aside from the final two plays on that drive, the playcalling was much improved. There was, of course, the mix up at the end of the first half, and game management continues to be a weak point for either Rex, Lovie, or both, not to mention lining up with three seconds left in the first quarter, but those ultimately didn't screw us over. I guess, let me make an addendum to the playcalling. We absolutely blew in the third quarter. We get the safety, then go three and out. Our defense was the game saver in the third quarter, because offensively we played like we weren't interested in scoring any more. So, I guess if you take into account the second and fourth quarters, and parts of the first, playcalling was much improved. Or, maybe it wasn't really that improved.

But the use of both Jones and Cedric Benson was amazing. Jones was obviously ineffective on the first drive. Benson, however, was not. It seems as if the coaching staff finally realized that mixing the two up made them that much more dangerous. I think it's rare to see a player with the power of Benson who also has breakaway speed combined with a player who has the elusiveness of TJ. I still don't like him, but shit he ran well yesterday. I love mixing the two backs up.

The defensive line was just a beast yesterday. Mark Anderson continues to make Jerry Angelo look like a fucking genius, and he is just all over the place. Getting to Brees so early in the game I think was a huge factor. It was a huge momentum swing. But it wasn't just that. The line stepped up time and time again, getting TWO intentional grounding calls and overall just giving Brees more pressure than he'd seen in a while.

I think it speaks volumes about this team's versatility in that either the offense or the defense can provide a lift when the other needs it. Towards the end of the season the defense started to struggle, yet the Bears managed to win. Yesterday, the third quarter was basically non-existent for the Bears offense, and yet after that safety everything turned completely around. Well, a couple of drives after that for the offense. But with the defensive momentum came the offensive.

I for one am totally cool with being underdogs to the Colts. We were underdogs to the Saints; look how that turned out. Here's what we know about the Colts: their run defense has been pretty weak, although very solid in the playoffs. Can that continue? Also, we know that their ends are strong, but their tackles can be pretty weak. We also know that they have amazing receivers, which could play to our weakness. But, at least in my opinion, the Colts are really soft, as were the Saints receivers. If they come out and get lit up once or twice, that could impact the game in a huge way.

I'm not going to speculate much on the Super Bowl because there's tons of time for that. I was just so impressed with the way the Bears came out and took the lead early yesterday, and then, while initially letting the Saints back in, the closed the door big time. It probably helped that we could run all over them, but I'm not so sure we can't do the same thing to the Colts.

Holy shit, the Bears are in the Super Bowl.

Should I be alarmed that I have no semblance of a life?

On Saturday while in Chicago I decided to check my e-mail. I actually received some awesome news. I guess, I'll backtrack a little bit. I'm an avid reader of TVgasm.com, and I've always thought that it would be something awesome to do if given the chance. Well, they've had some people move on and they're recapping a lot more shows now, so they have been looking for new writers. I recapped an episode of Top Chef 2, but apparently I sounded pretty angry. And for good reason, that Marisa was a bitch.

But anyways, I wrote a submission for I love New York, since I didn't know if they would have anyone recapping it, and, hell, I've got some free time. So I submitted it, and unfortunately they already had a writer for it. One of the moderators must have liked it enough though, because they asked if i watched Surreal Life Fame Games. I said I'd caught part of the first episode, but I wasn't watching it very closely. However, if they wanted me to recap it, I said I'd give it a shot. And they posted it on the site. So now I'm a part-time guest-blogger for something that actually receives a lot of hits. But it's for a show that not many people watch. Not bad beginning though.


So, I'm not really sure how to tie this together. But, uh, let's go to the board!





What's new this week:

Money. I want it, I need it, I never have enough of it. You're on notice because I now worship you more than I worship the image of myself in the mirror. Or perhaps pictures of myself on other people's camera. But that's what you get for giving me your camera. What was I saying? Oh yeah, money! Stop ruling my life! Oh, who am I kidding, I could never be mad at you. But you're on notice!

People. I despise people. Everyone really. From your douchey toolbag to your vapid girl to pretty much everyone else you can think of. Drivers, people in grocery stores, all of them. This explanation doesn't do anywhere near enough justice for the loathing of people that I feel. Just know that it's a lot, and hope that it isn't you. But it most likely is*. So people, you're on notice!

Bill O'Reilly. This dude is fucking brilliant. And I say that in an truly objective way. He's obviously not very smart, as he's a conservative Republican. But he has his own show on Fox News. And HE IS NEVER WRONG. If you didn't know, and how could you not, O'Reilly appeared on Colbert's show and vice versa. And last night was the first time I'd ever seen O'Reilly's show. I couldn't believe it. He seriously is never wrong. He presents his opinion in such an unobjective way. It's his way or nothing. But then he has the ability, if someone calls him out on it, to complete alter his meanings. You can never catch him off-guard because he is fully prepared to reneg on what he meant to say. It was literally sheer brilliance watching his show. I mean, he's a pompous dick who is a know-it-all conservative, but I'll be damned if it wasn't something unbelievable to watch. That being said, he continued to take a couple of shots at Jon Stewart, and he pointed out, twice I believe, that he gets better ratings than both Daily Show and Colbert Report. What he didn't point out, however, is that he's also on THREE HOURS EARLIER in primetime. He is a master of his never-wrong craft, and for that, he's on notice. But he's also on notice for being such an arrogant prick in general.

Who fell off:

David Beckham. Take your money and your amazing good looks that are constantly forcing me to fantasize about you and get out of my sight already. You're old news. And I love you. And if it's wrong for a straight man to love you then I don't want to be right.

Poodle Lady. That shit just isn't right, but it's been out of my sight all week. She's still on the monitor though.

Bruce Weber Haters. You're also still on the monitor, but losing that game that should have been won at MSU doesn't help my case at all. Until the team plays 2 full halves, I've really got nothing.

*isn't

I will be an awesome parent

I saw this article on cnn.com yesterday and I really disagreed with it. I mean, how could you recommend parents to deal with some of those annoying things kids say like that? That's terrible advice. So I wanted to weigh in with my two cents on actual good parenting, not that razzmatazz parenting they recommend.

Here is how you should respond to the annoying phrases if you want to be a non-shitty parent:

"Mine!"

"Oh yeah you little punk? Well, you're mine, so I technically own you, so anything you own is technically owned by me. I don't want to get into semantics with you, because your brain is too small and simple to handle it, so you better trust me. Also, stop being so annoying." This response could be met by tears and/or confused looks, but trust me, it's all part of their plan. They love looking hurt and confused because then they get their way. Also, I recommend the use of violence to rip things out of their hands. To drive home the point, I think you should probably follow them around for 2 or 3 days, saying 'Mine!' and ripping everything they pick up out of their hands. Then they'll know who they're dealing with.

"It's not fair!"

"You know what else isn't fair? You were an accident. But nooo, because once your mother got pregnant she stayed pregnant. I've dated other girls like that, too. No I haven't. Why don't you remember that no matter how much I don't want you around, I can't throw you in the dumpster. And how is that fair to me??" Again, this might be met with tears. But in the end I think your kids will respect you more for it. Because honesty breeds respect. Also, it's better they learn early in life that things are never fair, so they don't go and develop things like 'high spirits' whatever those are. I would probably get rid of all your kids' toys if they ever say this too. But make sure to destroy them in a really horrific way. Because that's just funny.

The man I get my parenting advice from

"You're not the boss of me"

"You want to bet I'm not the boss of you? I own you. You're mine. I could sell you on the black market. I could harvest your organs. I am the boss of you. But who said anything about a boss anyways? Why don't I just let you be your own boss and fend for yourself. You can buy your own groceries, pay rent, bathe yourself. What are people going to say when they see a two-year-old walking down the aisles at the grocery store? That person should have listened to their boss." Tough love is the best way to respond to this. But, we all know that you hate your boss and secretly scheme ways to kill him/her. Maybe that's where this whole boss comment came from. I would watch out for any sort of signs that your child may be plotting to kill you. And remember to think outside of the box, because with their seemingly undeveloped mind, they could probably come up with a number of original ways to kill you that you wouldn't even think. Like bashing your face in with a building block. Wouldn't have expected that would you? You're welcome.

"I want it now!"

"You know what I want now you little bastard? I want you to shut the hell up. All you do all day is talk, talk, talk, complain, complain, complain, shit your pants, throw up, make a mess, stink. I want all of those things to end, but will they? Probably not, unless you mature about 5 years in the next 2 seconds. So why don't you just chill out. The more you scream about wanting it, the more I want it. Until, of course, you stop wanting it, and then I will just throw it away. I think I have a psychological problem with wanting things until I have them, then losing interest." I guarantee the only response you'll get from this is confusion. But that's perfect. Because by confusing them, they won't even know what the hell they were whining about wanting in the first place. Maybe just jingle your keys to bring them out of that confused stupor. Seriously though, you may want to think about seeing a therapist about dealing with that problem.

"You never let me do anything."

"Oh you think so, do you smart ass? Well, guess what. You're really going to see what it's like to not do anything. You will remain trapped in this house for as long as I want. You can't even go to school any more. And you get no toys. But you know what? I'm gonna do whatever I want all the time. No more staying home to take care of you. No more waking up in the middle of the night when you call my name, terrified of the boogeyman. I'm gonna let him get you! He and I had this understanding before that if you said my name, it was sort of a sanctuary and he wouldn't get you, but fuck that, I'm telling him and you're all his. What was I saying? Oh yeah! You were an accident!" In a situation like this, I think it's probably best to withhold food from the kids for a while. Just to show them you mean business. And when I say a while, I mean as long as it takes until they apologize for what they've done. A couple days after the apology.

"I don't like you."

"Big fucking deal. I don't like you either. In fact, I would rather spend as much time AWAY from you as possible. But the courts don't seem to think that that's responsible parenting. Well, the joke is on them, because the longer I spend with you, the more I don't like you. But what can you do about it. You're stuck with me. I, however, have the means to kill you. I could do it. I could kill you in your sleep and you'd have no idea. All I have to do is decide to do it. Sleep tight tonight junior. Also, don't be so annoying." Really this is the easiest one to deal with, because, really, who's going to care what a kid says. I know I wouldn't. They like eating boogers and stuff. And they're fickle.

Parenting is easy.

What is wrong with TV today (a statement, not a question)

Behold at your own risk.



I did a search on Youtube for 'funniest Ugly Betty clip' and it obviously returned no hits. This video is the best of the first five episodes of the season. I tried to watch this shite but I could barely get 1/3 of the way through it before violently vomiting all over my computer screen and stabbing out my eyes. But apparently this is what the 'writers' feel is the best show on television today. Which somehow beats out The Office? That is absolutely ridiculous. But, regardless of whether or not it's better than The Office, which it obviously is not, tell me how it's funnier than this:



That's right, you can't tell me how it's funnier. You know why? BECAUSE IT'S NOT. Come on!

There's no way that shitty show Ugly Betty is funnier than most of the shit on TV. But, regardless, it won a Golden Globe (the Hollywood Foreign Press is made up of meth addicts and crack babies) as the best comedy something or other. And, somehow, it's one of the top rated shows on television. (I'll point out that not only do I not watch the show, the only reason I don't protest against it is because Salma Hayek is occasionally on it. That and the crippling laziness.)

I seem to remember the actual funniest show on TV also winning an assload of awards. For some reason though, it was marketed about as well as my ass. Actually slightly worse, as my ass hasn't won nearly as many awards but has not been cancelled yet. Let my good friend David Cross help me explain my point:



And THIS is what is wrong with TV today. Somehow Ugly Betty, while winning the Golden Globe, regardless of whether or not I agree with it, which I don't, is promoted incredibly well on ABC's estrogen programming network. Which basically includes everything except Lost.

But an amazing show like Arrested Development, which won every kind of award and was praised by absolutely every single person in American with an IQ of over 50, got promoted like shit. And what was FOX wasting their time promoting instead of AD? A complete pile of shit. And that's just one season. I could go into more detail about the massive fuck-ups that have been cancelled during the run of Arrested Development and since Arrested Development, but I won't. Because I'm lazy.

FOX completely fucked over everyone who appreciates intelligent, edgy, groundbreaking comedy in favor of the shitfest 'Til Death and other similar shows. By failing to promote or market the best show on TV (for all three seasons) and then cutting two of the seasons short, they basically admitted that they didn't know what to do with a show that was actually good.

But luckily for all of us they've been able to keep pieces of shit like The War at Home on the air. So out of protest I refuse to watch anything on Fox unless I have some reason to think I will like the show. And, 9 times out of 10 that never happens. So, good work original Fox programming. I hope everything you've had that's successful goes to a channel that isn't completely inept at marketing. (And just to point out how bad Fox is at it, even CBS keeps their show on the air!) I also hope aliens come down and eat all of your children.

The serious turning point of the season

So I came out in huge defense of Bruce Weber, and some people agreed, some didn't, no big deal. I welcome all opinions. Yours just sucks. But, regardless, the team came out and let me down hugely, making me look kind of like a jackass. Which is nothing I'm not used to.

I didn't watch the game on Sunday. There were more important things at hand, such as the Bears game. I would pick a Cubs playoff game over the Bears regular season (luckily I don't ever have to make that decision) and I would pick a Bears playoff game over the Illini, and obviously, March Madness trumps everything.

But anyways, I can't accurately say how disgusted or enamored with some portions of the game. And I'm totally cool with that, because from the sounds of it, I should have been disgusted with all of it and enamored with less than none of it, even though that's not technically possible.

I mean, seriously, how is Rich McBride our leading scorer? Don't get me wrong, I think it's a pleasant surprise, since I pretty much hate everything about Rich McBride after I was such a huge fan of him during his freshman year. And then Brian Randle just disappears after beating ass in the Iowa game? So disappointing.

This team has been up and down all season. Initially we couldn't come out to a fast start and we would fall behind every competitor consistently. I think right around the Arizona game was where we turned that around. But, then we couldn't finish the game. Missing our two best players (arguably at that time at least), we thought we'd be in for great things when everyone got healthy.

But we still can't finish games. Up against Arizona, Xavier, Michigan, Michigan State, we just can't play in the second half. Hopefully this team will learn to play as well in the second half as it does in the first half, but so far this team has been a team that will only play one half well.

So tonight is a turning point for the season. If we lose tonight, at Minnesota, we can probably write off the NIT in addition to writing off the NCAA tournament. If we win tonight, we're home against Wisconsin and Indiana. Wisconsin is not an unstoppable team, and if Randle is able to lock up Alando Tucker (which is obviously no easy task) then we have a chance in that game. I don't expect us to win, but I hope it would be a closer game than against OSU.

Following that game is the home game vs. Indiana. The only other games we can lose this Big Ten season are to Wisconsin and atIndiana. If we lose anything else, I would write our chances of making the NCAA Tournament off.

It's not just the fact that we have to win those games though. The way this team is playing, they're making virtually every game look way more difficult than it should be. And they're also showing they can't win on the road.

So that's why tonight is a turning point. Come out strong, beat the shit out of Minnesota and prove that we can win big on the road. If we lose tonight, or if it's a close game, people will just be talking about how we barely squeaked by a shitty opponent and how we could lose to Penn State or Purdue or at Iowa.

And I probably won't have much of a rebuttal. I mean I will, because I'm a know-it-all jackass, but it will be even more far-fetched than usual.

More profanity on TV this week involving a Saints game?

Hopefully most everyone has seen the picture of the lady in the shirt that said "Fuck da Eagles" on national television. That is, if no one saw it live. Which leads me to question whether or not Bears fans will try to sneak profanity onto the screen this week when the Bears play the Saints. Of course, it's not like that lady was trying to sneak anything onto the screen, aside from maybe her abdomen. We were watching the game, I was drunk, and it was like, uh did I just see that?

So anyways, I thought I would string together some of my thoughts on the Bears game. And, obviously, I'm way behind schedule since I didn't work yesterday and I'm too lazy to actually post things while at home. Well, in many cases at least. It gives me something to do at work.

Anyways, first things first, the correct Rex Grossman showed up on Sunday. And when I say correct, I mean for Bears fans. Fuck the Seahawks fans. That bomb he threw to Bernard Berrian was just immaculate. I almost cried tears of beautiful, beautiful joy when I saw that. Ok, who am I kidding, of course I cried.

And, again, Cedric Benson was underused. I'm not going to say that Thomas Jones did poorly, except there are absolutely a couple instances when he did. But Benson is just the better runner. And you see it time and time again, when each one gets in the open field. Thomas Jones is completely unable to make anyone miss. He also runs out of bounds. Meanwhile, Cedric Benson runs through guys. There were a couple different times that it took at least 3 guys to get him down. You will never see that from TJ.

The drops were big for the receivers. Specifically Muhammed's drop was the worst, because it took us out of range for everything. Then, coming back from that pick, we go absolutely nowhere. Which brings me to my next point:

Where the fuck did the playcalling go? It was absolute shit for most of the second half. It seemed like the entire game we were simply content to have any lead over the Seahawks. There was no urgency in playcalling to go up by any more points. I just can't understand how we seemed to score so easily on one drive, then have maybe 2 go for like 20 yards each until 3 consecutive shit-called plays. And how were we ok with going into OT without even taking a shot? The Seahawks had a terrible secondary and we did shit to expose it. It was amazing that in the OT we FINALLY chose to run a seam-route. And what about not letting Gould kick a 49 yard field go? If you're going to pooch it, you might as well just take the delay of game, put your punter in, and knock them inside the 10. The conservative playcalling is just so confusing when it shows up. You can play to not lose or you can play to win. Run up the score. Who cares.

And what about Maynard? His game was shitty. The best punt he had all day was a touchback. I'll take that back, I think his first punt was good too. The rest, though, were shit. Hester sucked (for the most part) too. He had the return called back, but other than that, there were the 3 or so kicks he muffed. That will need to change.

In addition, we also need to remember that Tillman should have been able to take the interception back for a TD. If he gets that pick, the game changes completely. Anyways, as it is, we won, and now we've got the Saints.

So what do we need to work on.

Special teams obviously. Gould was fine, but no one else was.

Pass coverage. There were too many times that the Seahawks just looked to move the ball effortlessly against our secondary. Luckily for us, if we could hold them to 3rd and short they couldn't do shit. The Saints are gonna come with 5-wide, multiple looks, it's going to be tough. We need to look at exactly what the Redskins did to beat them and copy it exactly.

Blitz pickups. Grossman needs to learn to hold onto the ball until he's ready to throw it. It flops out of his hands too often. But so many times the Seahawks brought Tatupu off the end right into Grossman's face and he had no time to get rid of the ball. Sidenote: How about that Benson block. If a linebacker goes high, you make him pay for it. It sucked to see him come down wrong, but still, that's what you get when you go high on Benson.

Running game. Seriously, this doesn't need much work. I suggest we make Benson #1, Peterson #2 (he's more explosive and probably just as slippery as TJ) and trade Jones. Ok, so that's not feasible right now, and probably won't ever happen, we at least need to make Benson #1.

Blitzing. Why do the Bears never blitz any more? I admit, when we had Tommie Harris and Tank on the line, we didn't really need to, but a lot of the time we don't get the pressure on the QB that we used to. And if blitzing can cause a QB to struggle (see: Grossman, Rex) why not do it? I loved seeing Urlacher come through and smoke Hasselbeck. Let's see it more often.

The Saints definitely scare me, because their offense is so potent. I just hope the style of play maintains at such a high level, and I'll definitely be more ok with a loss than if we get blown out. But to say that I'll be ok with a loss is probably a fat lie.

I occasionally with* I wasn't such an idiot

This weekend started out inauspiciously enough, beginning with the cancellation of the Who's Bad show that was supposed to be Friday night, and I was basically fully prepared to be disappointed around every corner. Didn't quite happen though, which was quite a relief. But anyways, let's kick it off (hooray for the football reference).

First, on Friday afternoon, I actually found out that Monday was not a paid holiday. Fuck that. How dare the man tread on my black heritage? And how dare he say I have none? Just because I don't? Anyways, I was told that if I was planning on taking the three day weekend I might as well do it. Well, I left this up in the air and headed to take the train. The train was scheduled to leave at 5:54, and I got to the station at about 5:40, actually a little before. I walk inside and see the station is PACKED (note, this is a tiny train station), there is a long line and there's only one dude working the counter. 20 minutes later I get to the front of the line, get my ticket, rush outside to put a parking pass in my car, and the train still isn't there. It was 20 minutes late, so I still had about 10 minutes to wait after all that. Manage to find a seat on the train and I purchased 4 beers during the trip. Well, also during the trip, the signals went out on the track we were on. So, luckily, we got to enjoy the darkness of the midwest as the train went 20 mph stopping every 2-3 miles (which is standard when signals go out) for the better part of 45 minutes. About 10 miles outside of Joliet the signals came back on. So right now I'm about 50 minutes behind schedule I'm thinking. Well, about 20 minutes later they announce we're about 25 minutes from Chicago. All in all I only ended up about 45 minutes late, as opposed to, say, an hour and 20 minute (or more) which was what I feared. So anyways, get to Chicago, go have some beer (didn't have dinner) and then we go out. I don't remember too much of note about the night, aside from finally getting revenge on Bootz for pinning me into a corner for 10 minutes. I actually did it to her only for about a minute or two. But trust me, it was all hilarious. After we left the bar we went to Pizzaria and I ate more pizza than I knew was possible. Ok, that's not true, but I had a lot and it was f'ing awesome.

I woke up at like 8:30 Saturday and couldn't get back to sleep. I found out Meg was coming at like 2, so I was about ready to get lunch. Then she called and said she was there at 1:40. No problem, we went to lunch and then decided to go watch football at a bar somewhere. More expensive, but great nonetheless. We decided on Barleycorn. So we went there and were actually there before the bartender showed up (by like 5 minutes). So we're drinking at the bar and decide to move to one of the sweet booths they have. These booths are made for like 8 people, and it was just the two of us. It was awesome. Anyways, we watched the game, which sucked, and bet on it (a shot), and we spent at least two separate spans of 15 minutes not caring about the game and instead talking about Arrested Development. I had like 5 16 oz. beers at the bar, and after the game was over we left to go to Pizzaria to pick up dinner. I was drunk, so I was ready for it. We talked to the dude who sold us the pizza and he said he'd be there later and he'd hook us up if we came back that night. So of course we would be headed back. We went back, ate, then headed to watch Arrested Development instead of football. That's how disappointed we were in the early game. And we obviously missed a good game. But, that aside, we headed out to Grand Central (there were only three of us) around 10:30 (so that's nearly 8 hours of drinking already). After just standing around for a while we started dancing, and I went to the bathroom. I came back directly where we were before and no one was there. So I stand around for like 10-15 minutes, by myself, thinking maybe they went to the bathroom or something. Finally I get a call and it's Meg saying they're at the front of the bar, but they went up there so they could hear me when they called me. Well, either they were too drunk to realized they moved (perhaps) or I was not in fact where we were (doubtful). Regardless, we headed back to dance until we saw this super tall lesbian. She appeared to be a lesbian anyways. Well, we dared Meg to get a picture of her or something, and she did. But she actual told this tall chick that she was on a scavenger hunt and needed a picture with a woman over 6 feet tall. This chick was taller than me by probably at least two inches. I was terrified. Well, eventually we left and went back to Pizzaria, ONLY TO NOT GET THE HOOKUP. That bastard lied to us. We stumbled our way home, ate pizza and passed out, but I have no idea when.

We woke up at like 10 or so on Sunday I think. The entire group (minus Chips) got together to watch the Bears game, and Meg left. I was chastised by Bootz for not drinking beer at 12:15 on a Sunday. I think I started at like 1. I had 5 beers throughout the game, which was awesome. Aside from feeling like I was in a sauna for about 30 minutes, the whole experience was awesome. Anyways, we left at like 4:20. My train back left at 5:15, so I needed to get to the train station. Well, Poops gave me a ride, and she thought she was going the quickest way to the station since she was headed south on Ashland, but she forgot about the stop lights. Then she thought she forgot where the entrance to 90/94 was. At this point I was getting pretty nervous. Finally we find 90/94 at about 4:59. We only had to go about 3 or 4 miles to the exit for Jackson, but unfortunately she didn't see the sign for it. She took the exit after, which probably worked out just as well, and I got to the station at like 5:06. I got on the train at like 5:08. When the dude came by to collect my ticket, he asked what I was doing there. I was like, oh, haha, good one. He's like, 'you're going to Bloomington, I wouldn't have told anybody to get on this train going to Bloomington, everyone here's going to St. Louis. You'll have to get off all the way at the front of the train.' I was like, did I just get lectured by this dude? It was all a moot point because in Bloomington they let off in 2 cars. Besides, the train was packed, so maybe I wandered all the way back there looking for a seat. Anyways, I get off the train, start driving home, FUCK. I left the book I was reading (that wasn't even mine) on the train. So the weekend ended about as well as it began, but there was good stuff in between.

Oh, and in case it wasn't clear, I didn't come into work yesterday.

*I didn't intend for this typo, but it works, and proves how much of an idiot I am.

Addendum to Bruce Weber post

One note from the Bruce Weber post that I made the other day.

I brought up Bill Self's name to prove that Weber is an upgrade over the former coach. I didn't necessarily mean to slam Bill Self's name, it just sort of turned out that way.

However, finding out that the link was posted on a KU forum (apparently they're now literate there), they seem to take offense to some of the claims I made. It didn't really appear that it had anything to do with what I said; I guess the problem was more the fact that I was saying it, since I didn't really say anything offensive or outlandish (although feel free to point out if I'm wrong).

But let's just call a spade a spade. Bill Self is ENTIRELY OVERRATED. Bucknell, Bradley. That is all.

It's the weekends Bitches; you know what that means

Today I got a free lunch thanks to a salesman. We went out to Buffalo Wild Wings and I ate so much Hot BBQ sauce. I don't even really like BBQ sauce. I just love hot. It was totally worth it too. I used to go out for lunch every Friday at my old job, and this is only the second free lunch I've had in over a year at this job. I made sure to get all I could out of it. By the end of the meal I couldn't even feel my tongue and I loved every second of it.

Free lunch is the shit.

That being said, it's time to see who's on notice this week:

Changes to the list this week:

David Beckham. Screw you. If I could make $50 million in one year, there is no way I'd want to turn it down. And come on, Europe? I mean, yeah, it's awesome to have a house over there and whatnot, but everybody knows America's where it's at. So first, you're on notice for not being here sooner. And then you're on notice for making so much money. I wish I got paid that much to LEAVE the U.S. Of course I'd do it. And then they'd obviously pay to bring me back as well. In addition, fuck you for being so damn attractive. Does that make me gay? If being in love with a man and wanting him to hold me while I look into his gorgeous eyes, then go a head Mr./Ms. Judgmental and call me gay. Posh Spice is f'ing hot too. Why does he rub his perfect life (minus the World Cup failures) in my face. Yeah, HA! I've never failed in the World Cup. Now whose life is better? (Still his) You're on notice Beckham!

Winter. I was totally planning on going to Chicago this weekend, for the three day weekend. First I found out that the weather might be bad, so I decided to take the train. Now I'm worried that the weather may be so bad that the train schedules could be fucked up (or dare I say cancelled again). So fuck you winter. You should be above 32 at all times, and if you aren't, you definitely shouldn't be spitting shit from the sky. You're on notice.

Bruce Weber Haters. Uh, thanks to Deadspin, I more than doubled the amount of visitors to this site in the previous, oh, 4 months or so, in ONE DAY. So I feel like this week's list should include some sort of reference to that post. And that's fucking awesome. But, aside from that, I really am sick of all the naysayers that are naysaying Bruce Weber. Obviously. So you're all on notice.

Poodle Lady. While I don't really have any reason to put her on here because she's not necessarily doing any sort of harm to anything I believe in, I feel like she absolutely deserves to be on notice. I mean, come on. No normal person does that. And I will be diligent in my suspicion of her, so Crazy Psycho Lady Who Loves Poodle Exercise, you're on notice!

Finally, one note. Fuck you Penny Dreadful. You will be on this list possibly for eternity because you sucked so incredibly badly. Deal with it.

Did you hear Rex didn't play well?

Sunday afternoon is the matchup that most of us in Illinois have been waiting two weeks for. And no, I'm not talking about the D-III matchup of Chicago at perennial D-III powerhouse Case Western Reserve, although I don't think I'm alone in saying that I will most definitely be Tivoing that game*. I'm actually talking about the Chicago Bears vs. the Seattle Seahawks.

Finally, after weeks of speculation about which Rex Grossman will show up, we will get to drop it and watch what happens. I for one couldn't be happier. Also, sidenote, I guess I'm glad Mariotti is ok or whatever, but it's been nice to not have him giving his bullshit opinions on this game. So now for my bullshit opinion!

We all know what happened the last time these two teams met in Soldier Field. The Bears stomped the shit out of the Seahawks. It was a severe and efficient beating. Of course, the Seahawks were missing Shaun Alexander, and we all know about the weakness the Bears have shown recently against the run. But, then again, the Bears had strong showings against the run in the final 4 games, after their worst performance against the run against the Vikings. Which they still won.

And, also, let's not forget the Seahawks also lost to the 49ers and the Cardinals, two teams the Bears 'beat' (I use the term 'beat' loosely when referring to the Cardinals, but we beat the pants off of the 49ers).

So does Shaun Alexander make that much of a difference? Perhaps. But the Seahawks were forced to abandon the run early against the Bears in the last matchup. If they don't have to abandon the run, then it might make a difference. The Seahwaks only had 77 yards rushing against the Bears last game, and 19 of those came on one Matt Hasselbeck run. The Bears also had a stronger interior line than they have now. The rushing will be something to monitor.

Also in the last game, Matt Hasselbeck pretty much blew. He didn't blow by Rex Grossman standards or anything, but it wasn't pretty. 2 picks, no touchdowns, and under 200 yards, plus he got owned by Ricky Manning Jr. Hopefully the Bears will have a healthy secondary for the first time in a while (minus Mike Brown obviously), so Hasselbeck could still have a tough time out there.

As for the Bears, I think Cedric Benson should get the start. Thomas Jones does not appear to be running any stronger, and if anything, I think he may be fading. And Cedric Benson is continuing his improvement. I've never been an advocate of T.J., but I see Benson as the better alternative, especially earlier in the game, as he has more power to run into the defensive line as opposed to jump, twirl, and fall backward for 2 yards. Seriously, Benson is a more punishing runner and I see this helping wear down the defense earlier than if Thomas Jones were in and sucking. Seriously, I think Jones should be number 3 RB. I hate him. But I digress.

Now, when it comes to Grossman, there's been speculation out the ass and I am so sick of it. It's basically been the same story for about the past 4 or 5 weeks. Which Rex shows up? He's already shown that he can win a game. As to whether or not I believe him about why he sucked so badly for the Packers game, I'm not really sure. But it's a moot point. It wasn't very professional, but big deal. If there was one thing the Packers game showed us, it's that the argument for Griese over Grossman is moot because Griese was almost just as bad. Granted, he did throw the ball further than I thought he was capable of on the TD pass to Bradley, but that doesn't make up for his 2 picks.

Grossman can win a game, he's already beaten the Seahawks, and the Seahawks have a patchwork secondary. I also think they may be missing other important players on their defense, I'm not positive. Regardless, the defense was healthy when Rex beat them last time. So I give the advantage to the Bears here. Also, I will point out again: the Seahawks lost to the Cardinals and 49ers (twice).

It's no surprise I pick the Bears here. The combination of the Seahawks pretty much backing into the playoffs, even though they won last week, in addition to the previous matchup going in the Bears favor makes me think this is a pretty easy pick. Also, on the injury front, the Bears have the upper hand as only two players are missing, as opposed to almost the entire secondary for the Seahawks. Plus, while I think Shaun Alexander makes a slight difference, I don't see him being a game changer.

And if Grossman has anything close to the game he had against the Seahawks the first game, the Bears win by at least 2 touchdowns.

*Just kidding, no one has any rooting interest in that D-III game and I would actually be offended if it were possible to Tivo it.

I am so not cool with this

Not in any way, shape or form.

I would hope that most people would be nauseated by this. I actually wasn't though. I couldn't look away because it was so incredibly ridiculous. I regrettably watched the entire thing. I am a loser. Not that it wasn't already obvious. I worry so much about this lady, and I'm wondering what is wrong with her.

1. She's obviously obsessed with poodles. I think obsessed is an egregious understatement. It's actually doing her obsession an injustice to say that she's just obsessed with poodles. The more accurate wording for it may be: if poodles didn't exist, she most definitely would kill herself.

2. You know those cat ladies? Well, this lady is probably a poodle lady. She lives her life miserably alone, probably with multiple poodles. Because she can find no man to love her, she will have no children. So she treats her poodles like children. Which is very, very, very sad to observe.

3. I bet she spends so much time with her poodles, she actually thinks of herself as their mother. But she may also think that they regard her as their poodle mother, so this makes her act like a poodle. So not only does she treat her like their her children, her alter ego (mother poodle) also treats them like her children. Hence the dressing up like a poodle.

4. Either she's rich, or she kidnaps children. Why do I say this? Well, there are obviously little kids in it (sidenote: I seriously thought she had just trained a bunch of poodles to stand up when the video started the first time). So I'm guessing either she has tons of money to pay parents to let their kids do this, or she just kidnaps the kids and then teaches them how to do this. I guess the other option to this is that she paid midgets to be in this video.

5. She hates fat poodles. She seems like she's probably a polite, clinically insane woman. But there's probably one thing that can send her into a murderous rage, and it's fat poodles. Or maybe they depress her so much that she cuts herself. So in order to rid the world of fat poodles, and to keep her out of jail and/or the psychiatric ward of her local hospital, she's doing her part.

Seriously. This video makes me so sad for the world in general.

To make a point I've made 8 times before

Ok, I've made this point before. Probably at least 5 solid times before. So I will excuse everyone who has read some form of this before from reading this again.

GET OFF BRUCE WEBER'S CASE.

People. This should not be this difficult. Bruce Weber is an excellent coach. I believe his record as head coach of the Illini is 101-21. That comes to an 83% winning percentage. Just for simple math's sake. We all know who the Illini had before BW. And he sucked. His record was 78-24. And we were ecstatic to have him as our coach. Crunch a couple numbers, we'll call it a 76.5% winning percentage. Ok, so we have established that X's and O's, Illinois is much better off. (Sidenote, it should be pointed out that I hate comparing BW to that dude who blows ass.) Also, as far as we're concerned about Big Ten records, here's what we've got. Twice Self coached the Illini to Big Ten CO-champions. BAM coached us to 2 OUTRIGHT Big Ten Championships. And, I also want to point out, the Big Ten CO-champ teams both had 11-5 records.

Enough lousy comparison between an excellent coach and a shitty coach on coaching ability. There is a lot of talk about Weber being unable to recruit. He won with Self's guys, right?

I agree that Self was responsible for Brown, Williams and Augustine. But let's not forget what Self inherited at Champaign. Illinois Mr. Basketball Sergio McClain, Illinois Mr. Basketball Frank Williams, Illinois Mr. Basketball Brian Cook (can't remember if Cook was recruited by Self or not, but I don't believe he was). Not to mention Marcus Griffin. Had Self been able to coach, there is no excuse that this team should not have been able to get to the National Championship game, at least two of the guys are significant players in the NBA (it's debatable whether or not Cook is significant; also, I don't follow the Lakers, so I admit ignorance). Coulda, woulda, shoulda.

Had Self been able to coach those guys well, we would have been pissed off about the recruiting classes he brought in. Technically, I think for the most part we were pissed off with the class that brought in Brown, Williams, and Augustine. Because we weren't even mentioned in any of the top ten recruits' final 5's. Except for, say, Eddy Curry, but that's neither here nor there.

So, BAM comes in. First, the team starts out pretty poorly in Big Ten play. At one point, they fall to 3-3 in conference, and I'm thinking, "We hired the wrong guy." They end the season winning the Big Ten OUTRIGHT.

Then Illinois comes out, assumes #1 in the nation and holds it until the National Championship game, which came down to a final shot (and which BAM had to deal with Augustine getting fucked over on fouls (I'm still not over that)) that was missed. Finally, we're all excited about the carry-over this will have in recruiting.

We miss out on Sherron Collins, Julian Wright, Brandon Rush. Well, those guys had relationships with Self, and we all know how greasy he is. Can't be surprised they went there. So our class suffers. Yet we still get a top 50 recruit in Brian Carlwell (yes, top 50). But we're not satisfied.

Finally, we get the big one. Eric Gordon commits verbally to Illinois, and I was incredibly excited about the ramifications. Derrick Rose? Perhaps. Who knows who else?

Well, we missed out on some good players because Eric Gordon was committed. Players who were ready to come to Illinois, but also wanted playing time. So unfortunately they committed elsewhere. Oh, but what's that? He's backing out? A week before signing his Letter of Intent?

Aside from how classy that was, the real problem was the timing. A week before Signing Week? What were we supposed to do? Everyone who had considered Illinois had already verballed elsewhere (aside from O.J. Mayo. By the way, who the fuck goes to USC for TIM FLOYD? He won about 4 games total in 3 years with the Bulls. Good luck with that USC). So we were screwed. And, shit, were people pissed.

So, now Weber signs a kid from Compton, and people are still not satisfied. Listen. He's a 3-star talent, one of the few available left, and I seem to remember another late-blooming talent getting a scholarship from Illinois who turned out all right. Who was it again? Oh yeah, Calvin Brock, who, in only his RS sophomore year has improved immensely and is probably most improved on the team. And who's to say this kid can't be a lot better than Brock? Rivals.com has him listen in the top 100.

As for how this team is performing, remember this: 5 losses in the Big Ten used to be able to win at least a share of the conference title. Illinois has 2: one on the road in Michigan (that they should have won, but winning there is never easy), and the second against OSU. Now, aside from Wisconsin, point out a team that the Illini shouldn't handle easily. All I see is MSU. If Illinois runs the table at home (aside from WI), and loses 2 on the road (I'll throw IU a bone, even though they suck) that gives us 5. So let's just chill out before we whine about 5 losses in conference.

I understand wanting constant improvement and perfection. But at a certain point, it becomes nitpicking. It's incredibly shortsighted to say that Bruce has no control over this team after just 2 conference games. At the end of the season, if we sucked, then jump on him. If we don't make the NCAA tournament, I'll probably shit my pants in rage. But maybe we shouldn't base our entire opinions of the season and his coaching ability on what he's done through roughly half a season.

Note: I also want to point out the school's academic requirements. This is a fairly weak argument that Notre Dame fans use a lot, but I feel like Illinois passes on players they know will struggle in classes, or perhaps not even qualify. So comparing recruiting classes of a team who has no academic requirements, say, Ohio State, to a school like Illinois is unfair, because Illinois graduates its players. I think the more accurate comparison would be a team like Michigan State (while still probably not the most accurate). And if you look at how MSU is doing this year, do you start calling for Tom Izzo's head?

Inspiration

I've been lacking (again) in the inspiration department for the past couple of days. I don't know what my deal is. It's not like I think of a good topic and then I'm like, 'oh, well, I could probably only rant about that for 5 minutes as opposed to 20.' I just can't even think of anything awesome enough to write about.

So. Should anyone feel the desire to have me write about something and you think it's awesome, feel free to let me know. If it sucks, then I'll let you know. Simple as that. And in the meantime I'll continue to struggle to come up with anything that's not an entire piece of shit (for the first time).

Suzanne Somers' Malibu house burns: I question whether or not life is worth continuing

I am a heartless robot. There is very little that fazes me. But when I read on cnn.com that Suzanne Somers' Malibu home had burned down, I broke down in tears. Seriously. I contemplated for about 2 hours after that whether or not life was worth living while knowing that her Malibu house had burnt.

Sure, I could go into denial. "Her house is still there," I could say. "She still has all of those glorious possessions in there; all of her Nobel Prizes for awarded for genius and all of the Great Humanitarian awards, not to mention all of the other Purple Hearts and other military honors she's received." But, I think, deep down, I would know that it wasn't true. She's lost all of those things she's never won, and she'll never not win them again!!!

Ultimately I've decided to go on. Her house would have wanted it that way. I think all of the possessions she lost would have wanted it that way. So I'm going to go on, and spread the word about how terrible it is when celebrities lose their things. And how much better they are than you and me.

Seriously, it sucks that her house burnt down. But why does her house (which she wasn't even in by the way) get singled out as the biggest story from the Malibu wildfires? This is some kind of bullshit.

She probably has other houses. I'm sure that house was insured for a shitload of money. But some people only have one house. Where's their story on cnn.com?

Ok, so it's Malibu. Probably everybody there is loaded anyways. And you know what? I don't feel sorry for them. Because God forbid they have to go spend a couple nights in a 5-star hotel in Beverly Hills before purchasing another million dollar property. "But it's not on the beach in Malibu," they'll say. And I'll say 'Who fucking cares."

Serves you right. You know the risks that go along with living there. It's not like there are never fires in California.

The real story is the people who aren't multi-millionaires (if there are any there) who lost all of their shit. We've had a fire before. Two actually. Our house didn't burn, but my dad lost a ton of shit he needed. You know, for living. Or for providing a living for us. And it sucked. A lot. So if there is someone out there who lost all their shit and can't buy a new house until they get their insurance money, they have my sympathy.

See? Maybe I'm not a robot after all.

I just really want to say fuck the entire celebrity obsession. It's no more of a story if Suzanne Somers loses her house than someone I don't know loses their house. It sucks either way, but if it's Suzanne Somers, they'll report it. Fuck that.

Let's just chill out everybody

Unfortunately, or perhaps fortunately for me, I didn't watch the Illini game. I was busy shopping for purses/trying not to stab my eyes out. I DVR'd the game, mainly because if the Illini won the game, I was not going to miss it. I checked the score while I was gone however, and since Illinois lost, I deleted it never to be seen again.

Anyways, people (at least some people) are really starting to freak out about the way the Illini have played their last 3 games. I'll admit, none of them have really been pretty. And 5 losses at this point in the season is pretty shitty. But, let's just look a little closer, first at the last game.

Ok, we shot like shit. You'll have that sometimes. This team is still inexperienced for the most part. OSU is the best team we're going to see until the NCAA tournament. The fact that we were able to hold them to only 62 points is pretty solid. Especially when you consider that Greg Oden, the Big Ten wunderkind (seriously, he is. Is that a word?) was held to JUST 7 points. Again, I didn't see the game, so I'm basing this on stats and what I've read about the game.

Second, we got smoked by one dude behind the 3-point line. So, again, our rotations are probably too slow. But would you rather get smoked behind the line, or by a dude inside just completely dominating everything?

The problem is that the Illini basically didn't rebound and didn't really rotate well on defense. And they shot like shit. They're still adjusting to playing against tight, Big Ten defense, so the offense is still stifled. But these are all things that can be improved. Practiced. And you're going to have off nights. Say Illinois doesn't shoot like shit and we lose by 6. It's still a loss. It's easier to not freak out about the team's lack of offense, but it's still not good enough.

So the Illinoi are 0-2 in the Big Ten. Yes, it looks terrible. But, we got really lucky with our scheduling this year. We play Wisconsin at home (the only other team who can beat us at home in the Big Ten), at MSU and at IU. MSU has the ability to play well, but they've also come out and completely blown games. Let's also not forget that Wisconsin has the ability to blow games just as easily. IU is coached by Captain Unethical Fucktard Who Is Also Incapable of Coaching, so that should be a win.

And let's not forget Bruce's first year with the team. It took the players a while to finally come into their own. They were 3-3 in the Big Ten, and then ran the table to win the conference OUTRIGHT (something Self never did). So it wouldn't be a surprise to see a turnaround from 0-2.

Sure he's not inheriting all new players, but a lot of these players haven't seen playing time before. And I think part of the problem is that Weber is too stubborn in his rotations. Rich McBride should be a bench-jockey, as should Marcus Arnold. There's no excuse McBride should start any more this season (unless maybe all other guards are injured), and Brian Carlwell should take ALL of Arnold's minutes.

So with more experience and a pretty damn weak schedule, Illinois should be able to make a nice turnaround. We already knew this would be the toughest stretch of our season. We failed, yes, but we're in no way hopeless. From here it only gets easier (except for perhaps Wisconsin. It kills me to say that; I loathe them). Now, should Illinois lose to Iowa at home, I will rescind all of this, say that we're screwed for the season and focus on something else.

Of course we won't lose to Iowa. They suck! Seriously, if we do lose to them, there will only be many angry blogs about Illini basketball from then on out.

But let's just get off the team's back for a little while.

Oh, and one more thing concerning the coach. We got GIANT ROYAL FUCKING DICKED this season. To say that we got absolutely nothing out of the trip to the championship game in 2005 is a lie. We had a top recruit; he fucked us over; we had players who would have gladly come had he not been verbally committed who then committed elsewhere. So, yes, there is a glaring hole where that recruit should be. But, it's not Weber's fault. It's that piece of shit's fault in a neighboring state, so fuck that.

Sucking the fun out of life

Another Monday, another post about my weekend in Chicago. This weekend was pretty low-key in that pretty much most of us didn't want to spend too much money after New Year's Eve, and one of the main reasons I went to Chicago was because I left so much of my shit there when I left last Monday. But I digress.

I got to Chicago around 7:45 on Friday night, which is a pretty decent time to get there. I woke up late for work, so I ended up having to stay late to make up for the time since I'm a jackass. So I could have left sooner, but I hit traffic on the way up anyways, so I doubt I would have gotten there much sooner. Also, on the drive up I talked to one of my friends from high school who I haven't talked to in months and we had extensive sports conversations. Yet we didn't broach the subject of the Cubs once.

So anyways, I got to the city, parked and had my food delivered to me. Because I was being treaded on, I ate while the girls waited for their dinner. I started drinking as soon as I finished eating, and when I was on my second beer, the girls got their food. Well, when Poops was looking for money, she realized she left her ID at home. That will make it interesting to get into bars. So, immediate chink thrown in the plans. The options from that point are we could sneak into a bar with two doors (probably pretty easy, but maybe not too nice of a bar), we could stay in (which we were going to do one night this weekend but planned on Saturday night) or she could drive home and get her ID. Well, she chose to drive to get it. And because I'm such a great friend, I offered to ride with her and give her company, obviously passing up on 2 hours of pre-drinking. So we left at 8:30 and got back around 10:20. I had one more beer (totalling 3 in about 3 hours) and we went to LBC on Halsted at 10:45. I contemplated taking a shot or two to hurry along the process of getting drunk, but I chose against it. I don't remember too much of note aside from having to wait in the rain outside, then bitches behind us bitching about 2 friends joining us in line, so we let them go ahead of us. Also, in case you were wondering, Poops did manage to make it past the bouncers. They must have forgotten that she puked by the bathrooms only 2 months before. So, in case you were wondering, you need a 2-month grace period before you can return to a bar you puked all over. There was some crazy music being played, but for a predominantly gay bar (and a different DJ than usual, as if I know who the DJ usually is from the 1 other time I've been there with music but was too drunk to remember anything about) that is probably to be expected. We left around 1:15 or so and began the trek to Pizzaria. I was desperate for 2 (actually 4) slices of pizza, but Poops wouldn't let me get them. I was not happy about it, but I agreed with her. So I ate my pizza, and then I can't really remember what happened after that.

I woke up at like 8:30 the next day, but somehow managed to get back to sleep and sleep until 11, which is way later than I ever sleep. I guess it was like 3:30 or so when we went to sleep (I know we were watching something, I just can't remember what it was). So anyways, we all got ready and picked up Ltrain for a day of adventure. It wasn't supposed to be one, technically, but it was. We were headed on our way to a purse store (yes. A purse store. My own personal hell) on Addison and Wilson. Well, we were way the fuck out there when we realized that we were in fact looking for the wrong intersection. It was Clark and Wilson. Shit. So on our backtracking, we decide to stop at a Target (scratch that first part. This is my own personal hell) and then we continue on our journey. After pointing out some ugly people (or as I like to call them, everyone) in the Ravenswood neighborhood, we finally found a group of stores. Everything was wholesale and knock-off. Well, while I was being dragged on this trip, Poops at one point says that I suck the fun out of life. I have not yet recovered from this statement. And I doubt I will ever be the same person again. But apparently, that person sucked the fun out of life, so maybe it's for the better.

So we got back at like 4:30 and by that point I was more than ready for a drink. So I started. The plan for the night was to make dinner, then stay in and drink all night. And it went very well. All of the beer (except for two) in the entire apartment was drank (it all would have been drank if I were aware of the extra two). We played some great rounds of Apples to Apples and Loaded Questions. Word to the wise: If you're playing loaded questions with a group of girls (regardless how many dudes are also there), do not ask a question about one physical trait they would change about themselves if they could. It will result in nothing but rage and possibly bruises. Well, then we finally completed all of the games and started watching Anchorman. Everyone was starting to pass out so we all finally went to bed around 3 I think.

Woke up at like 8:30 again the Sunday, and I'm pretty sure I was still drunk. I got back to sleep until 10 though, so it definitely counts as sleeping in. Poops and I watched the end of Anchorman and then we decided we wanted to get breakfast. After nearly an hour of indecision, I finally ended up making the final decision. That's right. I made a decision. And I take full credit for it. That totalled like 6 for the weekend. So I'm set until Mardi Gras probably.

So anyways, that was the weekend. Going back again this weekend for the 3 day weekend, and I'm sure it will be all sorts of crazy and full of me sucking the fun out of it.