Suzanne Somers' Malibu house burns: I question whether or not life is worth continuing

I am a heartless robot. There is very little that fazes me. But when I read on cnn.com that Suzanne Somers' Malibu home had burned down, I broke down in tears. Seriously. I contemplated for about 2 hours after that whether or not life was worth living while knowing that her Malibu house had burnt.

Sure, I could go into denial. "Her house is still there," I could say. "She still has all of those glorious possessions in there; all of her Nobel Prizes for awarded for genius and all of the Great Humanitarian awards, not to mention all of the other Purple Hearts and other military honors she's received." But, I think, deep down, I would know that it wasn't true. She's lost all of those things she's never won, and she'll never not win them again!!!

Ultimately I've decided to go on. Her house would have wanted it that way. I think all of the possessions she lost would have wanted it that way. So I'm going to go on, and spread the word about how terrible it is when celebrities lose their things. And how much better they are than you and me.

Seriously, it sucks that her house burnt down. But why does her house (which she wasn't even in by the way) get singled out as the biggest story from the Malibu wildfires? This is some kind of bullshit.

She probably has other houses. I'm sure that house was insured for a shitload of money. But some people only have one house. Where's their story on cnn.com?

Ok, so it's Malibu. Probably everybody there is loaded anyways. And you know what? I don't feel sorry for them. Because God forbid they have to go spend a couple nights in a 5-star hotel in Beverly Hills before purchasing another million dollar property. "But it's not on the beach in Malibu," they'll say. And I'll say 'Who fucking cares."

Serves you right. You know the risks that go along with living there. It's not like there are never fires in California.

The real story is the people who aren't multi-millionaires (if there are any there) who lost all of their shit. We've had a fire before. Two actually. Our house didn't burn, but my dad lost a ton of shit he needed. You know, for living. Or for providing a living for us. And it sucked. A lot. So if there is someone out there who lost all their shit and can't buy a new house until they get their insurance money, they have my sympathy.

See? Maybe I'm not a robot after all.

I just really want to say fuck the entire celebrity obsession. It's no more of a story if Suzanne Somers loses her house than someone I don't know loses their house. It sucks either way, but if it's Suzanne Somers, they'll report it. Fuck that.