Preparing for Opening Day

It's almost here. I can't believe it. I'm giddy. Giddy like a school girl that is. Opening day for the Cubs is Monday. It seems like March has gone so fast, and suddenly there are meaningful (more than spring training at least) games to be played. So, with all that in mind, I thought I'd report on some stuff about the Cubs, because, hey, there's stuff, and I really don't want to do any work.

First up, Monday is the deadline for the Cubs to get a deal done with Carlos Zambrano. Of course, Zambrano imposed his own deadline on negotiations. The Cubs are not dumb enough to let Big Z walk, especially after shelling on $60 million on Marquis and Lilly. Those two, while hopefully serviceable, together do not make up one Carlos Zambrano. To lose him would be devastating.

But, regardless of my opinion on the situation, basically everything I've heard is that the Cubs are going to get a deal done. That's coming from outside sources or whatever, but basically everyone, aside from Mets fans, is in agreement that a deal will be reached and Carlos will have a deal in place Monday. And that's a relief.

Next up, the Cubs have set their 25-man roster. Notables on the team include 12 pitchers and neither Mark Prior nor Kerry Wood. Also notable, both Ronny Cedeno and Ryan Theriot have made the roster. I was a big fan of Ronny Cedeno back when he was in AA, and even in his first extended action in 2005, but last season was a disappointment. I am, however, glad to see that he's back doing well in a Cubs uniform. And, if nothing else, he's improving his trade value. He's still an extremely young dude, and he still has the ability to improve. And he's shown that he can this spring, both offensively and defensively. He may never have the glove that Alex Gonzalez had, but he can definitely be a much more reliable hitter.

Also, as far as Theriot is concerned, he has been absolutely tearing shit up this spring. It seems like he really may be as good as he looked last year. It's a new thing for the Cubs to have position players come from their system who actually appear to be able to perform at a major league level (for the Cubs). I would like to see Theriot get a shot in the outfield, so he can be a defensive replacement or just a replacement in general for Jacque Jones. However, we know that DeRosa can play right, so it's not as imperative that Theriot can play outfield. I would just like to get his bat into the lineup as much as possible.

With regards to Felix Pie, unfortunately he will not begin the season with the Cubs. When I say unfortunately, I mean unfortunately we're stuck with Jacque Jones in our outfield. This is actually great for Pie because it allows him more time to work on his hitting. We've seen in the spring that he can hit. We already know that he can throw and field and run. Because we don't have to thrust Pie into the lineup right now, he can continue to mature, and he can get out and play everyday, facing live pitching, as opposed to, say, taking bp and then sitting on the bench for 7 innings. In addition to that, Piniella has told Pie what he needs to do to get ready for the big league level. Go back to AAA, hit .315, .330, learn better command of the strike zone, take some walks. So Pie still has motivation to do well, and hopefully he feels like he has something to prove, rather than just waiting to be called up to showcase his skills. I really think this is a great move. If only we had tried it with Corey.

Mark Prior supposedly was not questioning being sent down to AAA to begin the season this year. I didn't read any articles about his press conference or anything, but a lot of excerpts made it sound like Prior wasn't too happy about being sent down, but he was going to do it. Which is good, because he doesn't have a choice. So Prior was sounding like kind of a bitch.

Listen. I am a huge Mark Prior supporter. He just has to realize that he's not performing the way he has in the past. Would he rather be getting lit up at the major league level while throwing towels every day? Or would he rather be in AAA where he can get some useful tutelage? I wouldn't say this is the Cubs writing off Prior, and I wouldn't say that this should even be considered a demotion. I would look at it as a chance for Prior to regain confidence, rebuild his strength, and get back to the level he was at back in 2004 (or whatever year he almost won the Cy Young). If Prior were to return to that level, there is no doubt he would return to his place as a cornerstone of the organization. It seems like this is the best situation for everyone, and I just wish Prior would understand that.

Another surprising name on the roster is Angel Guzman. Remember back in 2001 when Guzman was, like, a year away from being on the roster? Well, 6 years later, he's finally made it on opening day. He's older now, and he's, what, 8 surgeries (that's supposed to be an exaggeration, but I'm not sure how much of one it is) more mature. His ERA wasn't that great this spring, but he had a great K/BB ration. And I think, should anyone in the rotation faulter (I'm looking at you Jason Marquis), Guzman can come in and long-relieve us some great innings. Like how I just made 'long-relieve' a word? The problem is, now the Cubs are in a situation where there could feasibly be too much depth, which is a good problem to have. But you've got Miller as your 5th starter, even though he'll be way better than your fourth, you've got Guzman who should be a starter (remember when Carlos started out? I hope Guzman can follow in Big Z's footsteps on how to become an effective pitcher), you've got Prior, who in a recent start supposedly had much better command and was hitting 93 on the radar gun. Then you've also got Sean Marshall, who I assume could fill in a role should he need it, and you've got Rocky Cherry who could be useful in the bullpen. Suddenly depth, especially in our rotation, is not as much of a concern, which is actually a great thing. I still worry about Cotts though. If he's not going to be a setup-man, couldn't we have just kept Aardsma?

Aside from the fact that we're probably taking one too many pitchers on the roster, I'm really excited about the job Lou Piniella's doing. He's saying things like the Cubs will "practice," whatever that means, and that he'll "teach" the young guys things. Remember Old Nopractice McNoteach? It's so nice to hear that your coach actually understands what is necessary for people to continue improving.

It's also nice to hear Piniella give shit to the media. He's going to coach this team, and he's going to be unapologetic. It sounds like he's not going to make excuses for losses, and hopefully he won't ever say anything along the lines of 'well, you really have to hand it to the other team.' I really think this can be a great year for the Cubs, and I don't think it's delusional at all to say that the Cubs will win their first World Series (of 3 consecutive) this year.*

*It sure is delusional, but it should be a great year nonetheless

Bears stuff

I'm actually starting to get kind of intrigued as to how the Bears are pursuing the whole Lance Briggs thing. I mean, on one hand, you've got the Bears who have Lance Briggs and his bastardized agent by the balls, and on the other hand you've got Lance Briggs acting like a complete bitch.

In an attempt to play fairly with Briggs, Jerry Angelo met with him alone, and I can only assume it was over a romantic candle-lit dinner. Following the formalities and small-talk, Angelo went into business mode. He said he would remove the franchise tag from Briggs next season, as long as Briggs played this entire season. The deal, by the way, is more than fair, since the Bears have every right to put the franchise tag on Briggs AGAIN next year.

So here's the deal. Angelo, like he did with Thomas Jones last year, is trying to make a deal with Briggs to get him to shut his fat fucking mouth, stop his bitching, and next year they'll let him go. Which is something Angelo doesn't need to do. I'm serious, I would love it if the Bears fucked over Briggs again next year.

But now Briggs and his shit-agent are saying that Briggs will play for the Bears in six games next year, and he'll sit out ten, and that constitutes a season under league rules. That means that Briggs will get his money or something. But it doesn't require the Bears to play Miss Bitchpants at all. And, I believe the Bears could choose to suspend/not dress/whatever Briggs's ass if they wanted to for those 6 games. He still gets the money, but he doesn't get to dress or play.

Ultimately what the Bears could do is lower the value of Briggs. By not playing him for one (or even two) years, what team is going to be willing to pay $10 million per season to a dude who hasn't played in two years, and is two years older?

If Briggs would quit his fucking bitching, the Bears would gladly trade him next year, or even possibly let him walk away. But Briggs, while backing down, continues to be a piece of shit about the situation. BECAUSE THERE'S NOTHING HE CAN DO. He can't force the Bears to do anything. He's fucking himself over.

But, rather than deal with this bullshit anymore, the Bears are considering trading him for a top 10 draft pick this year, and possibly a draft pick next year too. The Redskins have been named, and they have the number 6 pick. I would hope that with that pick the Bears could pick a linebacker, but I just haven't paid enough attention to the draft so far to know who would be available.

And just a word of advice to Briggs: It didn't work out too well for T.O. when he complained enough to get traded, and then bitched his new team out, and then got traded again, and now nobody really wants him. Skill only gets you so far, and if you want to be a bitch, then by all means, go for it, but don't expect to keep paying your bills that way.

Anyways, in other news, I read two different reports yesterday about Ian Scott. One said that the Bears were close to re-signing him, the other said that the Falcons were close to signing him. I didn't really know which to believe, but today I read that the Falcons have backed off on him, and I believe we're the only ones in pursuit. This is awesome because I believe that Ian Scott makes the other two tackles better. Add to that we don't know how Tommie Harris is going to come back as far as strength is concerned, and we're not sure what's going to happen to Tank in lockdown.

I think that's about all I've got for now. Hopefully we can just get Briggs out of town and get something back for him, because he's not worth the headache. And then hopefully he'll suck whereever he goes, and then we can all laugh and laugh about it. We'll also get a really awesome pick (or two), and the player (or players) will morph into a better version of Lance Briggs. Like maybe Lance Briggs minus the bitching.

My life is a joke

My life is a joke that I think I'm in on, but I'm not entirely sure after the past week's occurrences.

Anyways, I am still in the job market. I got a call about a job this week, and it seemed ideal, so there had to be a catch, right? Well, of course there was. I technically didn't have any of the experience that they were looking for. I mean, I have experience, but not in the main thing I would be doing. So I don't expect to hear anything back from that. Terrific.

Anyways, when I was drunk last night I started thinking about things I could do. I could be some sort of critic who gets paid to shit on a lot of things that people like. Like Grey's Anatomy. Man would I tear that show apart. Or perhaps I could be a consultant for Best Week Ever. Of course, I would probably have to not be too ugly to appear on television, I would probably need some sort of stand-up comedy background, and I would probably have to wait until the people who actually do the blogging at BestWeekEver.tv also appear on the show. But, whatever. I'll do that.

So I would like to announce my candidacy for any awesome job openings involving being a critic, or just commentaries on pop culture in general. And if I get to swear, that's even better. Anyways, let's get to the list for this week.

New this week:

Technology. Holy shit computer. What is your problem. So I'm working on my recap for the Real World on Wednesday night and I hear this clicking noise. In fact, this is a clicking noise I heard last week, except this time there was a 'whirr' added into the mix. Terrific. My computer shut down and I thought I'd lost all my shit, but luckily Firefox had my back. Three more times before the end of the night, and twice within an hour, my computer restarted itself. So I spent Thursday looking at deals for Macbooks. However, it was suggested that I perform an error check on the hard drive and maybe it could repair the problems. I did so, and there were 7 ERRORS that had been repaired. Seriously, what the fuck is up technology?

Work. Holy shit work. My working conditions are still terrible. It's been humid in the lousy place all week. Or I'll come in and it will be a perfect 68, and then by 12 it's 74. And it only gets hotter. Work is such a pain in my ass. I don't even know why I do it anymore. Well, to be honest, I don't do it very much anymore, I'm just here a lot.

Referees. I'm not sure if you know the job of a referee, but it's basically to enforce all of the rules their certain governing body has put into effect. Apparently the referees in the basketball games last night did not receive the memo. Let's see, SIU lost by three points, and the referees blew a shot-clock violation that was painfully obvious, and they also blew a goaltending call. That is a 4 point swing against SIU. I wonder if those four points (or even two points) would have made a difference in the outcome of the game. No, probably not. Jackasses. But at the end of the other early game, they took forever to make a ruling in how much time rolled off the clock in the inbounding play. They rules 1.1 seconds. Wait, what? 1.1? After the ball was touched, and the whistle was blown IMMEDIATELY after? We saw that the ball didn't touch out of bounds when you said it did. But that doesn't mean you can retroactively correct that call. The clock stops when you blow the whistle, and it was blown immediately. Way to fuck up THE ONLY THING YOU DO. Also, how do you call a foul with 3.1 seconds left anyways? And such a wiener foul at that? Way to impact the ENTIRE END OF THE GAME. You blow refs.

Kansas. Rock Chalk, You Sock. Except in place of sock, put 'are fucking pieces of shit.' We all know that you should have lost that game last night. People are praising Bill Self for such a wonderful job of coaching he did, when he didn't do shit. He nearly (and should have) lost to a team that they should have supposedly beaten easier, and he didn't call any plays, his players took the game over. Bah, fuck him. And fuck Kansas. Come on UCLA.

Seth Davis. At the end of the Texas A&M game, you tore into the referees for fucking up that call, which we all saw. And I was like, man, good work dude. Let them have it. Don't pussy-foot around it. And then we come back at halftime of the next games and you're saying the refs did a good job and you were wrong? Bullshit. BUUUUULLLLLLSHIT. You can't say the refs did a good job of retroactively correcting their own blown call. Because they can't do that. And it wasn't a good job. You're an idiot.

People. Like I need a reason for hating people. The harder thing would be coming up for reasons why NOT to hate people. And I can't do it. So there you go.

Off this week:

Gonzaga, Davidson, Old Dominion. You know what you get for sucking? Not a second thought. Well, kind of a second thought, since I put you on notice in the first place, but after that, not a second though. So, not a second second thought. But I still give you all a BAAAAAAH.

Taxes. I'm not really sure why I took you off the list. Probably because I hate you so much that thinking about you puts me into a murderous rage. So good job with that. I hope you get a boomerang.

Weather. While you should probably be on this list because you're still kind of retarded, since Sunday you've been fine. And fine is fine with me. Just don't get too hot too fast or I will stab you. And if anyone sees me running around stabbing at the air, you'll know what I'm doing.

That's all I've got for this week. In 2 weeks from now I'll be in Vegas, or Wetas as it's occasionally known, and that day cannot come soon enough.

Current Events Roundup

Every morning when I get to work I try to read cnn.com. I enjoy knowing what's going on in the world, and I'm too lazy to actually read a newspaper. Mostly I just read through the headlines on the page, unless I see something about how five dogs robbed a bank and then got away. But I thought today, and possibly many times in the future, I'd just give everybody a little overview of what's going on in the world.

Edwards' wife battling cancer again. Is that the proper way to punctuate the possessive Edwards? I don't think so. But, then again, I don't have a grammar book right here. If only there was a world of information right at my fingertips. Hmm. Well, anyways, hey! Someone who's running for president 18 MONTHS FROM NOW is married, and his wife has cancer. If that's not free press, I don't know what is. Listen, I'm all for battling cancer and everything, and I wouldn't wish it on anyone, except possibly the people who made Penny Dreadful. But all of this just seems like Edwards is exploiting the fact that his wife (whom I'd never heard of before this) has cancer so he can look like a supportive family man who is going through what all of us go through. Remember the John Edwards who announced his candidacy on the Daily Show? Where is that guy? Also, did America really need a press conference to find out that the cancer is treatable but not curable? Should I call a press conference after I complete my yearly physicals? No, and no.

Report: New Orleans levee planners ignored danger signs. Wow, really? Why, I had no idea. I'm so glad that this report was done. Because without it, America would have no idea. People really messed up and were completely unprepared for a hurricane of that size? I never would have guessed. Because I'm incapable of, you know, thought processes. You know what a report should be done on next? Video iPods. I wonder if they're a good invention. You know who should get credit for this report? 60 Minutes. Because I watched 60 Minutes 18 months ago and saw this report. Why is America so retarded?

Angelina Jolie's son's sad early life. You mean conditions AREN'T ideal in Vietnam? That is news to me. Here I was thinking that all of Vietnam was just like Hollywood. Big houses, expensive cars, overpriced, plentiful food. I'm glad that someone managed to report to me that Vietnam is not PERFECTLY ideal, although I'm sure it's still pretty close. I was thinking of vacationing there, so maybe I'll go to Chechnya instead. I hear it's beautiful and cheap. And no one knows of it!

Harvard group promotes abstinence on campus. I've not been to Harvard. I don't personally know anyone who's been to Harvard. I've not even actually seen the campus of Harvard. However, I assume that this is not going to go over to well, since Harvard is, in fact, a COLLEGE. And why is this a story? I assume there are groups all over colleges promoting abstinence. Did no one promote abstinence at Harvard until now? With all those people who are richer/smarter than me who go there, no one thought, "Hey, you know what's a great idea? Abstinence. Let's force our opinions on other people!" until now? I kind of find that hard to believe. The real story would have been if a group was promoting orgies or something. Would a group promoting the opposite of abstinence, whatever that is, get the same press? Or would that be offensive? I give this a Baaaaaaaaah.

Dina Lohan: I'm not a club-hopping 'party mom'. The entertainment headlines are such low fruit. It's like shooting fish in a barrel, but easier. Just because Dina Lohan may go club-hopping 5 nights a week, and just because she likes to party, that doesn't make her a club-hopping party mom. It makes her a responsible parents with who is still responsible for a minor (Little Lohan isn't 18 yet, is she?).

That's about all I've got for now. Check back this afternoon when I put everyone in the world on notice. Ok, that's not going to happen. Or is it? Would I really give it away. I bet the tension is mounting in your world now.

Two weeks and counting

I probably should have written this yesterday, but what are you going to do. I didn't have the inspiration (that is to say, I had no inspiration) that I have today (which is very little). What I do have, however, is plenty of boredom. So with Opening Day now under 2 weeks away, why not give an update as to what's going on with the Cubs.

First up: Zambrano, still without a contract extension. He said he wanted one done before Opening Day, or he would wait until after the season. He may still be willing to give the Cubs a hometown discount should they not get an extension done before the beginning of the season, but why take the chance? Just give him the extension (it will probably be cheaper now than later) and get it over with.

The Cubs are also interested in acquiring Clint Barmes from the Rockies. There's a great idea. I'd heard rumors that the Cubs were looking for another middle infielder, although I'm not really sure why. I mean, I would hope it would be to replace the offensive black hole that is Neifi Perez #2. But I can't confirm that that is why. I actually think it would be a mistake to bring in a middle infielder with poor range to replace/spell Cesar Izturis. The one thing that Izturis does is field the ball. As terrible at hitting as he is, I currently am semi-comfortable with him playing.

Here is what Barmes did last year: .220 BA, .264 OBP. Youch. We like his game? I mean, he's 28, so he could still improve, and he did well the season before, but .220? That's painful. Here's Izturis: .245 BA, .295 OBP. The sad thing about that is it looks good compared to Barmes. Maybe Barmes can make a turnaround. But he's not having a stellar spring, so I don't really know why the Cubs like his game. They hate offense and guys who get on base?

Other rumors I've heard are that the Cubs have a reasonable chance to trade Jacque Jones. I personally think this would be pretty great. We all know that Jones has suspect defense, and we all know about his slow start last year. If we trade Jones, possibly for a middle infielder or *gasp* a prospect(! probably wouldn't happen though), we can bring up Pie, who tore it up this spring. Pie gives you very solid defense in center, you can move Soriano over to right and take advantage of his strong arm, and then everybody's happy. Plus, with the firepower this team has at the top of the lineup, you can bat Pie down in the lineup (probably in front of Izturis) where he's under less pressure. Also, just to reiterate, PECOTA lists him as batting in the upper .280's this season.

The final rumor I've heard (I think, at least recently) is that the Cubs may have a trading partner in the Marlins, who are interested in Angel Pagan. I'm not exactly sure what you could get for Pagan, but I don't think it's outlandish to think we could trade Pagan for Dontrelle Willis, straight up. Right? Seriously, we'd probably get a lower-grade prospect, or possibly a backup infielder or something. I don't really know, but it does clear room on the 25-man roster.

Man, I can't wait for this season to start.

At least it's over

I was so disappointed with the Illinois team this weekend. But, on the positive side, this season is now over. And what a relief that is. So here are my final thoughts on this year's Illini team.

First, I can't believe we didn't win that game Friday night. It's so disappointing. When you lead a team that's struggling to score, it should be pretty simple to take good shots. Of course, if to describe your own offense as stagnant at best, good shots are few and far between.

The game Friday was a microcosm of the entire season. You've seen that game before. Illinois played it against MSU and Michigan on the road early in the Big Ten season, and also at home against Wisconsin. And I think it might have also been similar against the Hoosiers in Indiana.

Build an early lead. Basically shut down the opposing team's offense. Make a few shots. Stop hustling. Don't really move on offense. Wait until there are 10 seconds left on the shot clock, give the ball to Frazier, who can't really create his own shot. Maybe get off a terrible shot, maybe have a shot-clock violation. Do that every time down the floor. Give up big shots. Call time-outs to draw up plays, and then don't execute them. Shoot free throws poorly.

It's so frustrating. How can the Illini not take any shots within the last 5 minutes of a game?? The worst thing about that statement is that it's not much of an exaggeration.

In the tournament, it comes down to execution and making big shots. I loved that the Illini went for the win, rather than go for the tie. Deron Washington just took over the game, and no one really had an answer for him down the stretch. The Illini offense certainly wasn't going to answer back.

In the end, yes there were some botched calls, heinously, miserably botched calls. But you can probably say the same thing in any number of games. And, even if they do call that foul at the end of the game against VT with Illinois only down two, who's going to shoot the free throws? Chester Frazier? We'd still probably be losing after he shot them.

Ultimately, Illinois just didn't execute. I think one of the biggest problems with this team is that with all of the constant injuries, the inability for some of these guys to practice led to problems in crunch time. Or, maybe the last 5 minutes of a game.

Next year, Chester Frazier needs to work on free throws and creating his shot. And getting into the offense sooner. He needs to stop getting across halfcourt, then dribbling for 10 seconds. Randle needs to work on his aggressiveness and decision-making. He still seems pretty much like the player he was last year, and with his athleticism, he should totally be improving. He needs to stay healthy. Pruitt needs to work on free throws and his interior passing. That and passing out of double teams.

I'm hoping that with Demetri McCamey coming next year, he can spell Frazier and/or allow Frazier to change positions. I also hope that it allows Illinois to get into their offense faster. I'd like to see McCamey and Quincy Watkins put up some big scoring numbers as well. I would also like to see Semrau log quality minutes next year, as well as Carlwell. And, let's not forget we have that kid from North Dakota who transferred and can pretty much shoot the lights out.

Next year's team needs to take a big step forward, otherwise it's going to be hard to continually support Bruce Weber's coaching ability (which, let's not forget, is amazing) while not being able to bring in the players to produce. It's difficult to place any predictions on next season because you have no idea what to expect. In this long offseason, hopefully the players can make the necessary changes to their game, and hopefully they have the motivation to do so.

I had another knife fight with a monkey

Oh man. What a weekend. It's rare when you get the combination of a birthday celebration, and then the following day is also a celebration of a holiday that includes drinking copious amounts of alcohol basically all day. It would kind of be like if my birthday was on December 29th or something. Or, if you're in school or something, it would be like my birthday was 2 days before Halfway to St. Patrick's Day, or something like that. Anyways, why not just get right into it?

On Friday I decided to take off work early. I didn't take lunch, so I left at 1:15. I was ecstatic about leaving early. I left for Chicago right around 2:20, and I was in traffic for a while, especially on Lake Shore Drive. But, it was rush hour, so, that was a big surprise. I believe I got to Chips's place around 6:10 or so. I pretty much walked in and started drinking pretty soon. We watched the Illini, the girls got ready, and then we all went to LBC for dinner. Well, LBC didn't quite have the exact thing I was looking for, but it was basically the same, so I was cool with it. I also wanted to try to not eat too much, as plans for the night included drinking as much as possible and losing parts of my memory. So we were at LBC until just about 10:00. We walk outside of the bar, hail a cab and then I get sort of ambushed with a blindfold.

Now, at this point, I thought we were going to Belly's. But then the girls all tell me that we had to stop somewhere really quickly, and I'm thinking, shit. Great. Anyways, we walk in the door; I'm still blindfolded. The bouncer, in a very gay-sounding voice, says I'm cute, he wants to take a shot with me later, his boyfriend is going to give me a wristband. At this point I'm positive I'm in a gay-strip club, or some sort of gay club or something. Which is actually strange, because, as I mentioned before, we were already at LBC for dinner. Anyways, the girls walk me in, take off the blindfold, and there are all of my friends, some of whom even lied about what they were doing. And, we were not actually at some sort of gay club, we were at Grand Central, where we were for New Year's Eve. I had actually mentioned going here earlier in the week, and the girls said no and that I was dumb for wanting to go there. So this was an awesome surprise. And, since we had wristbands, we had open bar from 10-1. I was like, you know what, I should get very fucked up. So I drank some captain and coke. And I was already like 5 or 6 beers into the night. After 3 more of those or so, I started getting hazy. I remember we were on the dance floor, trying to find someone for me to dance with or something, and I think I was really more interested in drinking. Then I vaguely remember someone giving me my coat, and at one point I also had 3 beers at once (which I don't really remember). So we left, and went looking for a cab, but we of course could not find one. We went walking down Sheffield, which I don't really remember, because of the shitcannedness. Get home, vaguely remember some things, pass out.

I wake up at 7 a.m., sitting up on the couch. I was embarrassed about passing out sitting upright. Not only that, Kim comes home and tries to wake me up so I'll lay down and was unable to. Oh well. I laid down and slept for a while longer. We sat around, watched something on TV for a while, started watching basketball, went and got lunch. At 1:30 we went to the guys' place to watch basketball and drink ALL DAY. After a couple rousing games of Circle of Death and Asshole, I started getting fairly drunk. Actually, really drunk. I remember it was sometime around 6 or 7 when we went out to Barleycorn. We had a lot of people though, so we were all figuring out who would go in what cab. Well, I think the girls went outside and got a cab, and I was dragged out also. However, I think I tied my shoe inside, stood up, hit my head on the edge of the door (which was open) really hard, which THE Balsan saw, and then went outside. I said my eye hurt in the cab, and the girls said shut up. Then I said it again, and they said shut up and asked if it was bleeding I think. I touched my face, looked at my hand. Yes. Yes I am bleeding. Then they felt bad that they were ignoring me and there are various pictures of it. Basically it's just a little cut on my eyebrow. I would post a picture but someone didn't put pictures of the weekend up yet.

Anyways, we get to Barleycorn and it's packed. There were long lines everywhere. St. Patrick's Day is about as bad as New Year's Eve. It's amateur night again. Anyways, about half an hour later we finally got inside. We went upstairs because there would be dancing later. So there's much more drinking, and after the basketball games end, there's much dancing. We were trying to explain to Streets what a boomerang is, but we told her she'd have to do it, but she was too chicken to find out. I'm sure many people have done it, and there may even be many who also would like to. Her loss. Anyways, drinking, dancing, and Streets somehow becomes belligerently drunk. Chips takes her home, but not before she can fall down. Oops. Eventually, more people from our group have gone home. I think there were 5 of us left, and we all decided to leave as well. Now here's where my dilemma comes in. I was starving. We didn't eat dinner, and I'm always hungry at the end of the night when I'm drunk anyways. Buck says he wants to go to the Mexican place by his place, and since his friends and sister were with us (and staying at his place) they all obliged. I, however, was torn. Chips had left her door unlocked for me, and I didn't want to walk all the way to Buck's, then all the way back. Also, due to other occurrences in the night, I wasn't positive it would be a great idea for me to go stay at Buck's place. So I was like, I'll just go to El Burrito instead.

So there I was, around 2 a.m., in El Burrito by myself. I really didn't want to see anyone I knew. I got my phone out, and started calling just about everyone I knew, and all in a cycle, leaving voicemails with everyone. I stop long enough to get my food, then I leave and continue the calling cycle. Finally I get back to Chips's place. I believe the thought process I had was, holy shit, this taco is awesome. I should share this experience with someone, so I called Ltrain. Then I took some pictures of myself enjoying the tacos. Seriously. They were amazing.

This time I remember laying down to pass out, probably around 3. So I'd say there was a little over 12 hours of drinking. I wake up around 7:30, and there's Streets, kind of laying on the other end of the couch. Why is she there? She wasn't there when I passed out. She said she had no idea why she was there either. We went back to sleep until around 10 I think. Streets was still drunk when she woke up then. We went to get lunch around 12, then came back and watched basketball. Then I left to drive home, piece back together parts of my night and any one of the 13 or so (at least) voicemails I'd left the previous night, and reflect on the pure awesomeness of the weekend.

This weekend had it all. I seriously don't think it could have been much better at all. Now under 3 weeks to Vegas. That one is going to be insane.

I thought I had an STD but it just turned out to be March Madness

This has got to be the best time of the year. There are still a lot of teams playing men's college basketball, and Duke isn't one of them, upsets galore (hopefully at some point through the tournament), and my birthday. And let's not forget a new season of South Park and 300 last week, which was insanely awesome.

Another great thing (*shameless self-promotion alert*) is that I started recapping The Real World on TVgasm. Which, if you were wondering, is still blocked by my firewall. I work for Nazis though, so I guess we shouldn't be surprised. Anyways, the recap is a lot more fun to do than The Surreal Life Fame Games and people actually read it. I was afraid that I was going to be hung out to dry in the comments, but actually people were pretty perceptive to the jokes. Some people even loved it. Although I'm sure their IQ's are in question.

Anyways, I don't have a lot of time this week to try and be funny, so let's just get to the list.

New this week:

Technology. Just when I think everything is working right (aside from my iTunes, whatever that's all about), my computer starts making this clicking noise and goes all blue screen, then restarts itself. Fanfuckingtastic. Not only that, it's still making the clicking noise every once in a while, so I fully expect it to crash any day now. And I definitely cannot afford to replace it. But what are you gonna do? Technology is almost dead to me.

Old Dominion. What's up ODU. Couldn't pull off the upset against Butler? Even though you totally should have. Bastards. .

Weather. Seriously, I told you to cut this shit out. It's 80 here on Tuesday night, and then it's suddenly 38 today with a chance of snow? Fuck you. That's what I say to your snow.

Gonzaga. Ok, I know you lost Josh Heytvelt because he likes magical mushrooms, but is that any reason to play Indiana like a bunch of pansies? Illinois gave a perfect recipe for beating Indiana. TWICE. But you can't follow it? Pressure the shooters, specifically Rod Wilmont. Oh, you'll just go and let him go off for 16 (or whatever he had) in the first half? Suit yourself. Losers.

Taxes. I mailed my taxes in to be processed this week. And I didn't pay that state tax bullshit. And I told the government to keep that fucking $59 they owe me. I don't need their pity. Ok, that's a lie. I totally need their pity. But fuck them anyways.

My sister. Remember how my friends were on notice last week? Well, now my sister is. Because she thinks they're soo funny. And she was challenging me to put her on the list. I think we all know she learned her lesson. I expect her to apologize profusely any second now. Any second.

Davidson. Even though I technically picked you to lose in almost every bracket I did, I'm pissed off at you. You easily had the easiest chance for an upset early in the day, and then you blew it. Not only that, in one of the brackets I filled out, I picked you to go to the sweet 16? You know what that got me? Shit. So you're on notice now. Look what you've done.

Off this week:

Work. Work probably shouldn't be off. I work in terrible conditions. It's like The Jungle all over again. Verbatim. Plus, it interrupts my college basketball watching. You know what? Work is officially back on notice. Way to go work.

Firewalls. I hate you, you suck. You won't let me to TVgasm. I need TVgasm. Fuck you.

Kelvin Sampson. Is it his fault that Gonzaga came out with a terrible gameplan and poor guard defense? No, it's Gonzaga's fault. I should put Mark Few on notice. But I won't. Even though I would be totally justified if I did. Plus, a win for the Big Ten will shut up all those other bastards complaining about the Big Ten getting 6 bids. What about the Big East? Maybe they shouldn't have gotten all those bids. Or fucking Stanford. What's that shit about? (note: technically this rant should have come last week, but apparently I was short on time)

My friends. My friends made a big comeback this week. They're just lucky that it was my birthday that they would get ample opportunities to get back in my good graces.

Anti-Chief people. I'm done with you.

So that's all I've got for this week. Feel free to check out my shit at TVgasm, because I'm awesome. What other reason do you need?

An Optimist's predictions for the Illini

The NCAA tournament starts today and I couldn't be happier. There is absolutely nothing better than this time of year. I mean, unless you hate college basketball, and you particularly hate close, exciting college basketball games. Then maybe it's not so great for you. But in that case, you're an idiot.

Looking at the Illini's matchups, I would say that there is an extremely, EXTREMELY outside chance that they could make the elite 8. And that's being incredibly optimistic. But, the Illini can totally advance past this weekend. A closer look at the matchups:

vs. Virginia Tech

VT is a quick, athletic team. Athletic teams can give slower teams a big headache if they control the pace. However, if there's one thing we've seen from the Illini this year, it's that they can slow down ANYBODY. They will make you play an ugly game. I don't necessarily see that as something Va Tech can handle. Also, I like the matchups that they present Illinois with defensively. Deron Washington is out-of-his-mind athletic, but I think Brian Randle can match his athleticism well. Leading scorer Zabian Dowdell will probably get matched up with Rich McBride, who is just about as good a defender as anybody on this team, which is actually a relief to most Illini fans, since he doesn't always bring his shot to the gym. After that, you've got a G/F who will either draw Warren Carter or Brian Randle in defense, or perhaps even Calvin Brock, the center who doesn't score a lot, and the other guard who will get matched up against Chester Frazier.

Defensively, I think we can interrupt this team's flow pretty easily, assuming the officials let us play. I also think that, since they don't really defend much in the ACC, the ACC may face some extremely tough challenges in the tournament. I like the Illini in this game, because they can out-ugly you with some of the best.

vs. SIU/Holy Cross

I'm just going to pretend that Illinois would play SIU in the second round, although Holy Cross isn't one to be taken lightly. SIU averages close to 66 ppg as a team. This could make things difficult for the Illini, because, as opposed to the ACC where they don't really defend, some of the MVC teams CAN defend. There are also some teams on the low end of the MVC (cough, Illinois State, cough) who you can go light up.

Regardless, the Salukis both defend and can score, and they bring a pretty even attack at you. Their leading scorer is Jamaal Tatum, who I assume will draw Rich McBride. After that you've got Randal Falker, whom I believe will be guarded by Brian Randle when he's on the floor. Again, I like these matchups. If there's one thing Illinois does pretty fucking well, it's disrupt the offense. Also, of the top 5 scorers on the team, the tallest guy for SIU is 6'7". I think that Pruitt's (and Carter's) size can disrupt the guys on the inside, and possibly can disrupt the Saluki's gameplan, should they need to bring in their center. (They have the size, I just don't know much about what type of offense they run or who's in their starting lineup.)

Also, I like the master coaching against his pupil. Lowery used to be an assistant of Bruce Weber's, and, whatever you feel about the Illini, you have to admit that with this team, and all the distractions, it's pretty much a miracle the Illini are in the tournament. I don't know if the Illini WILL win this game, but they definitely CAN.

vs. Kansas

I will say that I'm not even sure Kansas will make it this far. Remember last year? Everybody said they were playing the best basketball in the nation, and then they lost in the first round to Bradley.

Anyways, Kansas creates tough matchups because they bring a pretty balanced attack. Well, maybe you could call it balanced, maybe you could call the players inconsistent. I figure you match up Brandon Rush with either Rich or Randle. You don't have to worry about the PG much. You may match Julian Wright up with Randle or Carter, depending on who's on the floor for Kansas. I think, again, with the Illini's ability we can disrupt their offense. But, the problem is that Kansas can score bunches of points quickly.

One of the reason's I think the Illini can win this game is because Bill Self isn't a great coach. I think throughout the course of a season he can learn his team's abilities and whatnot. However, we've seen him fail TWICE in the tournament. With the gritty Illinois defense, we can give Kansas a game. However, if we play like we did in the Purdue game and give them a 13 minutes head start, we're definitely screwed.

Should the Illini actually advance past the first weekend, I'll update my predictions. I think Illinois might actually have a little bit of the upper hand against Virginia Tech. Gotta love the 5-12 matchup.

The easiest way to win games in March is to play perfect basketball (obviously). No turnovers, smart shots, good possessions, solid defense, make your free throws. If UNC doesn't shoot 100% from the free throw line, NC State could have taken the Illini's tournament spot away. Unfortunately, the Illini only have like one of the keys to win easy games in solid defense. If, IF we catch fire and get a lucky break or two, Illinois can find themselves in the Sweet 16. If not, we'll be looking forward to Demetri McCamey and Quincy Watkins next year.

I-L-L

Taken to task: Lance Briggs

I would like to reiterate what I've said before, that I am a big fan of Lance Briggs on the field. When the Bears took him in the THIRD ROUND of the draft, I was like, ok, that's probably a good pick, but in no way did I see it leading to two consecutive Pro Bowls before his initial contract was up.

Since I'm such a fan of Lance Briggs, I would like to offer this piece of advice: Quit being such a bitch. Seriously. Quit it.

Point #1: YOUR agent when you were a rookie negotiated your contract for you. So whose fault is it that you were a restricted free agent this year? Is it the Bears' fault? IS IT? NO. It's YOUR agent's fault. And also possibly yours. Of course, no one had the foresight to see how good you'd be, except for yourself perhaps, but if that's the case, then it's YOUR FAULT you agreed to such a contract stipulation.

Point #2: Because of YOUR contract, the Bears have the right to do whatever they want with you. Because they're working WITHIN THE REALMS of YOUR contract, they could have let you walk for nothing, they could have signed you to an extension, they could have traded you, whatever they wanted. Is it their fault that they chose to do something they were allowed to do? Also, THEY OFFERED YOU AN EXTENSION, and you chose to reject it. Perfectly reasonable on both sides, but don't say they're not doing anything to re-sign you, because we both know that's complete bullshit. And, just as a sidenote, MAYBE PAYING YOU LESS ALLOWS THEM TO IMPROVE THE TEAM THIS SEASON. I know, it's crazy to think that the Bears might be trying to do something else than make you miserable.

Point #3: You say you want to be "the man" somewhere. That's fine, a lot of people want to be the best at something. But did you ever think that maybe it's BECAUSE of Brian Urlacher that you're able to excel so well. I'm not saying you suck by any means. But if a team has to gameplan for 2 Pro Bowl linebackers, as opposed to, say, one, they're going to have to spread out blocking schemes, etc. for 2 linebackers. Whereas if there was only one awesome linebacker, it would be much easier to contain him. Unless he's some sort of freak athlete.

Point #4: Your constant bitching to the media. You say that you're prepared to sit out all season in order to make your point. You'll even take out loans if you need to, because you're sure to get paid next year, right? About that:
1.) You're fucking getting paid $7 million if you play. If you're willing to walk away from that, I would like to simply ask if you're a retarded person.
2.) Did you see the contracts in free agency? Let's do a little math. If you play this season, you make $7 million. If you get a free agent contract within the range of Nate Clements (which you totally should if you don't turn into a shitty player suddenly), you could make $10 million a year. So, let's see, $10 million + 0 = $10 million. $7 million + $10 million = $17 million. I mean, if you're cool with not making any money for a year, then go ahead. And obviously you're not big on team loyalty (not that many people are any more), so why not just sit out.
3.) With all your bitching, you look fucking insane. Remember Maurice Clarett? He sat out a year and came back out of shape. He's now in jail. I'm not saying it will happen to you, but how do you stay in shape when you've got nothing to do for 16 months? And why would a team want someone who's bitching about making $7 million a year?

Point #5: "When I did talk, you guys criticized me." Well no shit genius. Of course people are criticizing you. You're acting like a jackass and a little whiny bitch. Maybe you're right though. Maybe you should be allowed to bitch about the owners not paying you what you want, even though it doesn't seem like you even want to be in Chicago any more. I'm pretty sure the Bears are cool with not paying you and letting you sit out the season if you're going to be a prima donna. If I were to bitch about my job and demand more money, I'd probably get fired. But let's all give you the benefit of the doubt, because the Bears won't give you $10 million more. Fuck you, shut up.

Point #6. Remember Thomas Jones? That other jackass who said he was going to hold out with you last year? He got traded. He worked out a deal with Jerry Angelo where he would get traded following the 2006 season if he played the season hard. And did you see TJ getting his carries, and respect? Angelo is obviously true to his word.

Awww, but you want more money? TOUGH SHIT. The Bears have every right to slap the franchise tag on you. It's your own fault you're being a pussy about it. My only concern right now is that if the Bears were to trade you, they wouldn't get ENOUGH for you back because you're being such a whiny bitch. Maybe you should just shut your fucking mouth and stay focused on football. Don't worry, we'll be ok without you.

The Illini are in

Well the Illini made it into the NCAA tournament. I was positive that the Illini would get in regardless of what happened in the conference tournament, but it's pretty apparent that had they not beaten Indiana, or had they gotten their shit handed to them by Wisconsin from the beginning, then Illinois would have been left out in the cold. But they're not.

Here's what I don't like though. Illinois was obviously one of the last 4 teams to get into the tournament. This is bullshit. Don't get me wrong, I'm glad we're in. But why did we get the fuckjob?

You take a team like Purdue and put them at a 9-seed. What does Purdue have to show for themself? An inability to win any big games on the road, plus the ability to lose in Minnesota, zero quality wins, and a worse strength of schedule and RPI than the Illini. And yet, somehow, all of those things translate into a higher seed. Good work selection committee.

Then there's Michigan State. I understand that they helped themselves by beating Wisconsin at home and almost beating both Wisconsin and OSU on the road. But what about bad losses? The Illini beat the shit out of them when they played at Champaign.

Then you had people arguing for Drexel. I watched Bracketology on ESPN before the selection show, and the guys there said that Drexel would only be in if you put in Old Dominion. ODU just played better in conference. It says a lot for a Drexel team to play a strong out of conference schedule (and catch teams early in the season, hello Georgetown), but you've gotta back up that play in the weak conferences or you're screwed. I would have liked to see Drexel make it though, in favor of:

Stanford. Why the fuck does Stanford get in? Is it the terrible RPI? The 18-12 record? The 4-4 record vs. the 51-100 RPI teams? And they get a better seed than Illinois? I understand that Stanford did fairly well in the Pac-10, but they also got their asses kicked by an Air Force team that got left out of the field of 65. And everyone beat up on each other in the Pac-10. It's not like beating UCLA alone is enough to put you in the field either (right West Virginia?)

And Indiana gets a 7? They're RPI is one better than the Illini, and their Strength of Schedule is 52 compared to the Illini's 24. Illinois also won the series 2-1. And let's look at the quality wins that Indiana had: SIU, Wisconsin. Does beating the Illini count as a quality win also? Indiana was 5-8 vs. teams in the RPI top 50, Illinois was 4-9. Illinois beat Indiana twice. Shouldn't Illinois be closer than just one of the final four teams to be in the tournament if Indiana got in as a 7?

None of this is to say that any of these teams shouldn't have gotten in, except for Stanford. I was especially annoyed yesterday when Billy Packer was bitching about how this is the year when the fewest mid-major teams have gotten in in the past 6 years or something. You know what Packer? Just because you say things doesn't make them true. Maybe it's related to the level of play. When you've got mid-major conferences beating up on each other, the teams that stand out are the teams that are going to get at-large bids. But, maybe you're right. Maybe we should just pick the teams who haven't really played quality competition (or who have, but haven't been able to match the intensity within their own conference) as opposed to those who have. You jackass.

I'm just glad that Illinois didn't get the fuckjob I was so terrified they were going to get, even after beating Indiana. Some point before Thursday I'll go through and look at the matchups Illinois has, and I'll take a (most likely very, very optimistic) look at their chances for advancing. But until games start, I'll probably continue to bitch about the Illini not getting a better seed.

Giddy like a school girl

What a great fucking week this was. I mean, sure, I had some really shitty days, like Tuesday and yesterday. And Wednesday wasn't that great either. But, this week is rounding out very nicely.

First, there was the premiere of South Park's new season on Wednesday night. I didn't really realize the true goodness of it until seeing it again. For a while I used to love South Park. It was still pretty early in the show, and I loved it more for it's outrageousness. I'm not really sure if all of the shows had some sort of current event relevance or whatnot. They were funny. But then I got tired of it. I didn't really watch it for like 2 years, and I actually kind of tried to avoid it. But then right around the fall season in 2003 was when I started watching again, and it was pretty fucking awesome. Since then I've watched every episode, and they're all great. And almost all are pretty poignant too. It's actually brilliant how they do it. So, yeah, fucking awesome. Of course I have to start watching Real World again, but that doesn't mean South Park won't be DVR'd.

But really, the thing that makes this entire week, regardless of what happened earlier in the week is 300 coming out today. There's not really much to say about it. It's going to be the fucking best movie of the year. I actually cannot imagine how much ass it is going to kick. It's well beyond my comprehension of ass kicking. And my comprehension of ass kicking is very, very extensive.

So, 300 pretty much sets the tone for the entire weekend. It will be a weekend for kicking ass. Obviously.

But on to this week's list:

Of note this week:

Technology. My AIM is still being pretty dumb. And now my iTunes is being stupid as well. Since I downloaded the update for iTunes, it won't ever minimize. Why not? Because it's stupid, that's why. So, technology, seriously, work this shit out. At this rate we don't have to worry about robots taking over the world for years because programmers can't figure out the "Minimize" command.

Work. Hey, work. Fuck you. I can't go see 300 until you're fucking over, so hurry the fuck up. Seriously.

Firewalls. I still can't go to TVgasm, which is complete bullshit. I could kill two birds with one stone if I could, because then I could edit my recaps and shit while at work with some downtime. But noooo. Fuck firewalls. And do they even know what TVgasm is? Bastards.

America. Seriously America. What is your fucking problem? Remember when I took you off the list last week because I didn't think any more people would go see the steaming piles of shit that you released to movie theaters last weekend (aside from, perhaps, Zodiac, which I would at least watch)? But you went and did it. You made Wild Hogs or whatever that movie was #1 in America. And I died inside. Seriously. I'm dying a little each week. Good thing I've got 300 to almost undoubtedly kick the shit out of the other movies.

Taxes. Guess what. I'm still not gonna pay you fuckers. State taxes are for bitches. I'm no bitch.

My friends. Now, you might be thinking to myself, why are my friends on notice? Well let me break it down for you. This past weekend, Streets and Bootz came down to see me. I welcomed them into my home on Saturday. While I was taking a shower, I heard rustling around in my room. I was thinking, hmm, they're probably going through my stuff. This can't be good. So I get out of the shower, and I see them with my clothes on. But, not just my clothes, but, like, layers of my clothes. They chose that opportunity to tread all over me. And they damn near made me lose my sexy. And they LIED about what they were going to do. But it's not just those two who are on notice. There are pictures, and everyone thinks they're HILARIOUS. But guess what. They're not. So, now I've got to return the favor to them. Which will be both creative and horrifying. And I'm excited about it. But, probably until then my friends will be on notice.

Anti-Chief people. You know what? I'm glad the whole thing has been resolved because now I don't have to listen to your un-informed babbling bullshit. Assholes.

Off this week:

Weater. You know what? It's changing, and it's not making me sick. And it's fucking 56 here today. 56 glorious degrees.

"Lost." Now that South Park is back on (and I'll be watching Real World) I don't have to watch this show and wonder at how nothing ever happens. The worst thing about it is that it has set the tone for shows like Heroes and shit. Just keep introducing new twists and turns, never resolving anything, never explaining anything. But, if you do explain something, make sure it's really bizarre. And hey, add new characters whenever. Whatever, I don't have to watch it.

I'll probably be back on Monday with a recap of 300, and probably some Illinois talk, and probably a lot on the brackets and whatnot. Oh God is this a fucking awesome time of the year.

Handicapping the Illini

Last night the Illini survived the battle against Penn State to advance out of the first round of the Big Ten Tournament. I'm ecstatic that the Illini won, because Penn State is a team that, while overall not incredibly dangerous, can steal a game from just about any team in the Big Ten.

I actually didn't watch the game, and I blame ESPN for this. And my job. But, regardless we're out of the first round.

I am actually quite curious as to how we managed to score 66 points. This isn't a team that has been able to shoot the lights out, and scoring often comes sparingly. So how did we win this game? Thankfully, Chester Frazier and Warren Carter were making shots.

But what did I see from the highlights? Well, first, Illinois came out strong. They've done a much better job of this since early in the year when they fell behind to everyone, then battled back, only to fold (usually) again late in the game. Of course, maintaining their MO, the Illini once again failed to maintain the intensity down the stretch.

Illinois isn't going to score a lot of points. I get it. But why are we so incapable of scoring within 3-4 minutes left in the game? We don't even get shots up. I don't know if it's so much a matter of anything more than the players on the floor either being inexperienced, or lazy, or terrible free throw shooters, or what. But to lose a 10-point lead (I'm not talking about this game specifically) in the final three minutes is unacceptable. And I often wonder why someone like Trent Meacham isn't on the floor. The offense seems to flow better with Trent in, possibly because no one is entirely comfortable with him dribbling for 20 seconds. Then again, Trent doesn't quite have the intensity and quickness of a Frazier on the defensive end.

But I'm getting off-track here. I like this win, and I think that Illinois is probably safely in the NCAA tournament now. However, we can totally help our chances with a win vs. Indiana, and I think today could be one kickass game. You've got the Indiana inbreds chanting something about how they're bitches (I fucking hate them. It's really immature, but guess what: I am) and then you've got the Illini fans actually chanting poignant, relevant, original things (like "Fuck you Hoosiers" (perhaps a poor guess on my part)). There's the animosity towards the Hoosier coach, there's intensity among the players. The rivalry has totally been revived. I'm at least happy for that. It's too bad that the occurences leading up to said rivalry had to happen, but they did, so whatever.

Anyways, back on track again. I think the Illini are in the tournament now. I'm not entirely confident about it, but, come on, 22 fucking wins, and 34 RPI ranking and 32 strength of schedule. But how will the Illini fare? I actually had this discussion the other night.

As per usual with the NCAA tournament, it all comes down to matchups. Illinois, obviously, is an outstanding defensive team. So, say they get matched up against a team that is all offense and no defense. I'd like the Illini's chances for an upset in that game. Say, however, Illinois matches up with a fundamentally sound team that makes very few mistakes, maybe we don't match up quite so well. I would also like to say that I think we match up really well against a Georgetown type team because we defend the Princeton offense so well. But that's just me. If we get refs who call touch fouls, as often happens to Big Ten teams in the tournament, that is going to hurt the Illini's chance.

Basically, unless this team can show the ability to score points, I don't think we'll get very far in the tournament. Maybe yesterday was a sign that the points will be able to come from elsewhere than expected, but I'd like to see it come from somewhere else (Calvin Brock? Marcus Arnold? Did I really just hope Marcus Arnold scores a lot today?) again today. And if that happens, then we'll get a better seed and a better matchup for us to win.

So we're in the tournament hopefully, assuming no more crazy business happens with these conference tourneys. I think Illinois can advance out of the first round (and possibly even the second) but it's going to depend on matchups. And maybe we can come out of this with, say, a 12-seed, and just make it to the sweet 16. A 12-seeed would be perfect for us to do that.

Update: Illinois is 3-8 vs. the top 50 in the RPI, which doesn't look too great. But I looked at the games they've played. Of the 8 losses, 7 came against teams with RPI's higher than Illinois. And the 8th loss was at Purdue, who has a lower RPI, and a lower strength of schedule. Many people say Purdue is in. Looks pretty crazy to put in a worse team than Illinois and not put Illinois in. Also, the two of the three wins came against teams with higher RPIs. Illinois better fucking get in.

Bears grumblings

Last week I made a post about possible moves and stuff that the Bears could do. Well, we're a week further along in the offseason, so why don't I reflect on what's going on with the Bears now. You care what I think, right? Right?!

First, the Bears slapped the big fat franchise tag on Lance Briggs, which we all knew they'd do. At least right away. They had a coaching extension that was their top priority to take care of, And then after that maybe they'd renegotiate some contracts.

Well, now Briggs is pissed off. He's got the franchise tag, so no teams can offer him a contract without giving up a first-round pick as compensation. Regardless of how good a player is, very few teams are going to give up a first round pick.

But, whatever. Briggs is seeing these contracts and I think he's getting pissed off because he knows the money is out there for him. He also is probably pretty concerned about the Bears opening up their checkbooks in order to give him the money he feels he deserves. And his agent is first-class prick Drew Rosenhaus. Rosenhaus has to be telling Briggs that he can get a deal better than Nate Clements (thanks for that one 49ers), because he totally should be able to.

So Briggs either wants the tag removed or he wants to be traded. There is no way I think the Bears do this. It's not their style to renegotiate contracts when they don't need to. And I'm not sure that the Bears have decided whether or not Briggs is in the long-term plans or not. He's doing a good job of making the decision easier though by being a jackass about the whole thing.

Listen, I like Lance Briggs. He was an absolute steal in the draft. While some times I personally feel like his tackling is questionable, his ability to be in the right place at the right time is pretty amazing.

Briggs says he loves Chicago the team, but not Chicago the management. So, basically, he loves the Bears, but hates the front office. Join the club Briggsy. But he's pretty much acting like a dick right now. He's in line for a huge raise because of the franchise tag, but he's too impatient to wait for it.

If the Bears don't give Briggs what he wants, the only reasonable thing I can see him doing is holding out. Because Rosenhaus will tell him to. Prick. If not, Briggs will play just as hard as always to make sure he gets the big payday (and next year he'd get even MORE money with how the market has ridiculously blown up this year). But I probably see the Bears just letting him complain, doing nothing about it, possibly while he holds out, then probably letting him walk next year. Briggs should just man up and play out his contract. Seriously, I'm pretty sick of the whining about it.

The Briggs news came right around the same time that I found out that the Bears had traded Thomas Jones and their 2nd round pick to the Jets for the Jets 2nd round pick. I was really excited when I saw "The Bears have agreed to trade Thomas Jones..." and then I was waiting for the player they were going to get back and I saw "and the 2nd round draft pick..." and then I saw the rest.

I do not know how to feel about this. Basically we get two picks close to each other, which we could possibly package and trade up (like 4 spots at most probably).

I think I'm disappointed with this, mainly because we're getting virtually nothing in return. Well, that's not true. But we're getting potential as opposed to impact. Why couldn't we get a DT, since we'll probably be losing at least one. And the Bears love depth. Also, I kind of look at this like Jerry Angelo is so confident in his ability to scout and recognize potential that he's confident he can get just as good of a player at 37 (I think that's the pick we get) as Thomas Jones, a former top 10 pick. Is it possible?

Well, as we all know, I personally felt that TJ was overrated. I don't think he did anything that Cedric Benson couldn't do. And now that Benson is the feature back, I think Benson will show that he can be just as good (or better) than TJ.

But let us also not forget that TJ's accomplishments in the past two years were a product of an absolutely amazing offensive line and an offense with a.) pretty incapable QB's for almost an entire season, b.) a QB who was very streaky, c.) a dedication to the running game. His yards/carry, while fairly solid at 4.1, is nothing that can't be achieved by most other capable RB's in the league. So the problem is just making sure that we have other capable RB's.

However, I am kind of disappointed that we couldn't trick people into thinking those stats were outstanding. I think that's why we didn't get more for Jones.

Ultimately, I'm ok with the trade, aside from being slightly disappointed. Assuming Benson can stay healthy, I expect him to be just as good as Jones. I also wouldn't be surprised if the Bears drafted a speed running back later, just sort of as a change of pace.

One final note: Lovie Smith said he didn't want to trade Thomas Jones. This is a firm reminder to Smith, following his contract extension, that while his opinion is possibly valued, he is not the GM of this team, and he will not be the decider in who stays and goes. I'm not sure how I feel about that. But I'm glad TJ is gone.

What a weekend

Oh man, this past weekend was awesome. It makes coming to work on a day like today so much less bearable. It's actually quite unfair to have to go to work on a day like today, a day reserved for perhaps the greatest man in history, Casimir Pulaski. Such a great man. He did things like develop the first laptop, and he saved the world from an asteroid once. Bah work.

So, on Friday night I was heading to meet Bootz and Streets in Bloomington. It was snowing for most of the afternoon, but none of it was sticking to the ground or anything. So I'm thinking, no big deal, I'll just meet them down there. So as I'm driving, at one point I see like 3 cars in the ditch. I'm like, shit, how did that even happen. So I slow down a lot, and notice what appears to be black ice (this was at like 7:45 Friday night). Then about 1/4 mile down the road is a bridge I'm driving over. I see a tow-truck on the far side of the bridge and wonder why he isn't back at the other group of cars. That's about the time that I saw like 4 more cars in the ditch up by the tow truck. Then I feel my rear-end start sliding. Yep, no control of the car. Luckily I managed to straighten it out without too much difficulty and/or freaking out. I'm an awesome driver. But, regardless, I finally did make it there around 8. I believe I had somewhere in the area of 6 beers before we went out, and I didn't eat much for dinner. But I did eat dinner, as opposed to Bootz and Streets. We get downtown in Bloomington and everyone except for us three goes to Paulie's while we go to Mulligans. The girls split a long island, and I had my own. And it was awesome. I was so drunk. While there we saw my friends from school, and they all left to go to El Roy's eventually. I didn't want to walk all the way down there for nothing, so we said we were going to Rhino's to dance. The three of us went to Rhinos and there were some weird looking people inside. But Finlandia had some sort of promotion, and the girls had tiny martini's or something. I don't really remember. After a little bit of dancing, we were grabbed by our friends and told to go to Paulie's. I think we were only there for about one beer, then we left. We went to Flinger's to get pizza, and it was so fucking good. However, the entire time we were at Flinger's, Streets was passed out on the table. She got up to go to the bathroom, and she was waiting in line when we were told we needed to leave. So we go out (Streets an Bootz in front of me) and we see our one friend, and he hugs the girls. And I think I hear something hit the sidewalk, like a splash. Then I hear it again. Then we walk down the street a little ways and hear it again, but this time see it. Streets is puking. On the sidewalk. In Bloomington. And the first time she did it over our friend's arm that was around her.

I'm pretty sure I was laughing hysterically. But she was ok after the puking, which didn't last too long. We managed to find everyone to get on the bus back to our friends' place. On the trip was my first unsolicited kiss from a married chick. Not that I go around asking all these married chicks to kiss me or anything. Once back, I don't remember a whole lot. I do remember being attacked however. For some reason, Bootz was pinning me down. I don't know why. And her friend was sitting on my legs, pulling at my leg-hair. She wanted to hurt me. Again, I have no idea why. I was drunk enough that I couldn't feel it too much, and apparently I have some sort of pain-tolerance, because I wasn't saying anything. This only made her pull more though. Eventually, though, everyone let me up. I got on the air mattress to pass out, and Bootz laid down on the couch (where someone else was sleeping, but had gone outside to smoke I think) and passed out. And, save for a question I haven't been asked since I was a sophomore in college, that was the end of the night.

We woke up sometime around 9 or so the next day and tried to piece the night back together. Apparently Streets wasn't the only one to puke on the street. We left to go earring shopping (why do I always end up shopping when I hang out with the girls?) and then we went to Panera shortly after that. We got back to Peoria around 11:45, and save for a lot of confusion and Streets taking the wrong exit, there were no huge incidences. Pretty much everybody passed out for a little while, while I watched the Illini. There was a lot of sitting around until around 4, when everybody got ready and we went to dinner. We went to Buffalo Wild Wings and there was much hot bbq. I had two 23oz. beers there, then I got to take the girls shoe shopping. Seriously. More shopping. Not only that, but following our trip to the shoe store, I had to take them to my most hated place, Target. Luckily there wasn't too much time passed in the stores. I think we got back to my place around 7, I showered, then the drinking really began.

Well, first, I got out of the shower to find the girls treading on me very hard. I was glad that I could invite them into my place and have them make fun of me mercilessly. But anyways, we were listening to music and drinking heavily. I had 4 captain and cokes, and the girls worked on a fifth of voda. I have no idea what time we went out, but maybe it was like 10? So we went to 4play and to Club Reign. Which was empty. So we sat down, rather than dance on an empty dance floor, and played I Never. I learned many things about the girls, and I doubt I remember most of it. Well, eventually the place filled up and we went to dance. Probably somewhere around 1 or maybe 1:30 we went to Big Al's. We were there for such a long time. And we made the mistake of drinking there. At one point, I vaguely remember getting a call from Jake, and he said he was on his way to Peoria. And I got off the phone, and I was like "Um, I think Jake is coming here." Luckily I forgot about that. So while Bootz and I waited for her card, we sent Streets over to Hoops to order us some pizza. We get over there and she's only ordered us one slice each. And I thought we had specifically been talking about ordering a pizza. Well, we were upset about it, but there was nothing we could do. Luckily, I remembered I had a pizza in my freezer from about a year ago. It was a take and bake pizza, and they were really good. I just never made this one because it was so big. So I'm like, shit, I'll make that one when we get back. So, I got home, made the pizza, took it out, cut it. It had a weird area that was kind of burnt, but I thought nothing of it. Finally I took a bite, and it was the most disgusting thing I've ever tasted in my life. No amount of hot sauce could have made that ok. So we wasted the whole thing, which I was actually ok with.

Then there was more sitting around, listening to music I think. This is at like 4:30 in the morning. We were also calling people and leaving some very drunk messages. Most of which none of us remember. Finally, around 5 or so we get into bed. Bootz however isn't satisfied with this. She's very angry. Very angry. And she was acting crazy for like 15 minutes. Not New Orleans crazy, but still crazy entertaining. Finally, somehow, she calms down enough that she passes out. This was at like 5:20.

We all woke up around 10 or 10:30, all pretty hungover I think. For lunch we went to Joe's Crab Shack, which I'd been to before and I raved about the food. Streets did her usual thing and ordered a crazy combination of food, and Bootz and I got the same thing. While we're waiting for our food, the restaurant manager sidles up and begins talking to us out of nowhere. The place was empty, so I don't know if he was bored, but it was odd. While Bootz is eating, she notices something weird stuck to her plate. It looks like cheese, and it's stringy. Then she smells it, and it's gum. At that point the waiter comes up and asks how everything is. She mentions what's stuck on her plate and the manager again sidles up out of nowhere and says "Maybe it's something in the calamari." So, note, do not order the calamari I guess. Anyways, she gets a new plate of food, which the manager brought out by sidling up and she got a free meal. Jerk. Then the two of them left at like 2:30, leaving my place a mess and bogarting some of my stuff.

It was such an awesome, awesome weekend.

Welcome to March bitches

It's finally March. As we all know, March is the most kickass bitchingest month you'll ever find. First, it's when the weather starts to warm up and unretard itself. Second, all of the greatest people in the history of forever have been born in March.

For example, Albert Einstein was born in March, as was Ghandi, Abraham Lincoln, George Washington, Martin Luther King, the guy who invented the Roomba, FDR, Julius Caesar, Alexander the Great, that guy from that movie about the thing, and I'm pretty sure Jesus was too. You could get some great things accomplished with the people on that list. Especially the Roomba guy.

And a number of amazing things happened in March too. First there was the discovery of electricity by Thomas Edison, after it was first invented by Jesus, and then left for thousands of years, forgotten. Then you've got the development of the A-bomb, D-day, the first exploit to the moon, the signing of the Declaration of Independence.*

So, as you can see, March is The Shit. All the other months are little whiny bitches in comparison to March. And the fact that March follows the little wiener month February makes it all the better.

So don't fuck with March. Let's see the list for this week:

New this week:

Technology. Last night my AIM was all fucked up. I would send like 3 message, not even right in a row, and then I would get a message that I had been rate limited, so I would have to close AIM, then sign back on. It was a pain in my ass. I'm sick of technology treading all over me lately. So, once again, you're on notice!

Work. What's up 5-day work weeks? What, you think I don't have anything better to do than to work five whole days a week? Well you've got some nerve. And I do. I could be doing plenty. Like looking for a job I'd actually like. So, work, you're cramping my style. On notice!

Weather. Seriously weather, what the fuck is up. Middle of the week you're in the 50's, then on the weekends you go back to being shit. I'm sick of this shit. Warm the fuck up right now. Nobody cares about global warming when you're snowing and pissing everybody off, except they want it to hurry the fuck up and get here already. So, until you get your stupid fucking act together, you're on notice!

Taxes. Hey government. Fuck you! I got my taxes done the other day, and guess how much money I get back? 59 fucking dollars. Wow, I could go and buy a pair of shoes or something. Or pay a bill! I know, I know, I'm so lucky to get back so much fucking money. But guess how much it costs to have the state of Illinois fuck me over? $60! That's right. I fucking owe money on my taxes this year. What a giant load of bullshit is that. Am I in the tax bracket that means I get not only do I not get to keep any of the money I make, but the fucking government will take a little bit extra as well? I'm seriously considering not paying the state, because what's $60 to them. I already had to pay to register my fucking car for this year. That's more than $60. That shit should cancel out. So fuck you taxes. No, wait. Let me finish. Seriously, fuck you.

"Lost." Does anybody even like this show anymore? I mean, I can understand wanting to know how it's all going to work out, but the shit is so boring. You spend 50 minutes (or 44, whatever isn't commercials) of the episode being bored out of your mind, and then at the end something may or may not happen. It's a bunch of bullshit. Besides, there's no point in trying to guess at what's going on, because there's no fucking way you'll figure it out. Because the writers don't even know. I get the feeling that the show will end with someone waking up from a dream, or it will all be inside an autistic kid's imagination. That's the only way the fucking show makes sense.

Anti-Chief People. Fuck you. I'm over the Chief being retired. And if you're sick of the argument about the Chief, then that's fine, you unopinionated bitch. But, if you're against the Chief for what you feel is a valid reason, then you're absolutely fucking wrong.

What fell off:

Money. Oh, don't get me wrong. I absolutely don't have enough of this. I had to take my car in this week and I doubled over in pain when I saw the estimate. And that was just for a checkup! But I got to drive a BMW X3 for a day, so that was pretty sweet.

America. Again, don't get me wrong, I still have to destroy America. I expect people to be less stupid about movie choices in the future though. Well, I take that back, that Wild Hogs movie or whatever it is has got to be awful, and a lot of people might go and see it.

Being sick. I started feeling better on Saturday and my drinking for the evening wasn't impeded at all. So I only had to suffer through two days of work before feeling better. So being sick is off the radar for hopefully a long time.

"Popular TV." I absolutely can't stand Heroes. It's turning into Lost, and they're just going to keep adding and taking away characters, giving just enough backstory to confuse, then going back to the present, and I for one don't care. But Lost was more annoying this week.

So that's all I've got for this week. It's going to be another crazy weekend in central Illinois, and I'm probably not going to remember a lot of it. But I'll try. Kind of.

*Don't try to tell me I'm wrong by using "facts." You can use "facts" to prove anything.

Awesome.

I saw this video at With Leather this morning, and it's awsome. I missed the NBA All-Star Dunk Contest because I was in New Orleans, getting shitcanned. I heard it was pretty cool. But it couldn't have been as cool as this.



Man that's gotta hurt. I wonder if the point of the dunk was to knock that chick over and then land on top of her or something. Because there's no way it could have been to actually jump over her and make the dunk. He hip-checked her face. And the girl just gets up laughing! Man, if all I needed to do to get on some chick's good side would be to make her stand in the middle of the floor while I try to jump over her to dunk it, only to introduce her face to my hip, my life would be much easier. As long as there was a basketball hoop within range.

You suck Duke*

I know this is nothing new, but I'm seriously sick of all of the "respect" that Duke is getting this season. I'm disgusted at how they're constantly hanging around the top 25 when they have absolutely no business being anything higher than 20. So I decided to do a little research as to Duke's position throughout the season, and then rip on the voters who continue to give Duke voting fellatio** for no reason.

I also want to point out that, no, I don't like Duke. I hate them. But, they are not a threat this year, as opposed to other years when they were easy to hate because they were so good. This year, it's not like I hate them as much as I'm just annoyed by all of the press for playing average. Also, I'll point out that I'm using the Coaches Poll, because I'm too lazy to look at both.

#11 Duke vs. Columbia, W 86-43. Don't want to start off the season with too much of a test. (1-0)

Well hell, Duke won that game, let's move them UP!

#10 Duke vs. Georgia Southern, W 72-48. That's more of the test we like to see in the early season. (2-0)

#10 Duke vs. UNC-Greensboro, W 75-48. Tough competition, I'm surprised Duke has been able to win by nearly 30 points. (3-0)

New week, new ranking:

#8 Duke vs. Air Force, W 71-56. Air Force has been one of the most up and down teams this season, so at first this looked like a huge win for a solid Duke team. Now, not quite so much. (4-0)

#8 Duke vs. #17 Marquette, L 62-73. So this means that Marquette is an awesome team if they can beat the #8 team in the nation right? Duke probably won't fall too far, right? (4-1)

#8 Duke vs. Davidson, W 75-47. After two tough teams in a row, it's good to take a break mid-season. (5-1)

#10 Duke vs. Indiana, W 54-51. Indiana isn't an easy team to beat, but, Illinois beat Indiana by more than 3 at home, so does that mean that Illinois should be in the top 10 as well? (6-1)

#10 Duke vs. #23 Georgetown, W 61-52. This was while Georgetown was in its free-fall stage. Play this game now, you'll probably get a different result. (7-1)

#9 Duke vs. Holy Cross, W 57-45. This was probably a closer game than most expected. (8-1)

#9 Duke vs. George Mason, W 69-53. Probably thought this game would be closer when it was scheduled, so I won't really mock them for this one.

Just so we're all on the same page here though, after 10 home games in a row, Duke is 9-1.

Well, while most teams start playing real competition, Duke was still taking it easy. By comparison. But let's move them up regardless of competition. I mean, come on, it's DUKE!

#6 Duke vs. Kent State, W 79-72. Kent State is kind of a strong team if they make it to the NCAA's, so this isn't a terrible game, but still, #6 in the nation? (10-1)

#6 Duke AT #24 Gonzaga, W 61-54. Wasn't this the game that Heytvelt disappeared in? Or was that later? Regardless, Gonzaga has been up and down this season too, but this is a pretty decent win. And it's on the road. ON THE ROAD! (11-1)

#5 Duke vs. San Jose State, W 70-51. SJ State had all of 1 win coming into this game. Again, good idea to schedule a cupcake in between real games. (12-1)

#5 Duke vs. Temple, W 73-55. Temple is sometimes good, right? (13-1).

So, at the conclusion of non-conference play, Duke has played 3 ranked teams, with the highest team ranked at 17, they've played one game on the road, yet they're ranked #5 in the nation. Seems fair, right? No?

#5 Duke vs. Virginia Tech, L 67-69. Virginia Tech must be a top 10 team to come INTO Cameron Indoor and knowck off the Dookies. Right? Right?! (13-2, 0-1)

#11 Duke AT Georgia Tech, L 63-74. Ok, loss on the road, the ACC is tough, blah blah blah. Top 15 team though? I know I'm questioning it at this point. (13-3, 0-2)

#11 Duke AT Miami, W 85-63. A win on the road is a win on the road, but it's not like winning at, say, Maryland. Or Georgia Tech for that matter. Which I guess didn't technically happen either. Always good to get off the shnide in conference play though. (14-3, 1-2)

#17 Duke vs. Wake Forest, W 62-40. Wake doesn't have much of a team this year, but it's still good to beat the pants off of a rival, right? By the way, this is the first time I've thought the ranking has been anywhere near close to accurate. (15-3, 2-2)

#17 Duke AT NC State, W 79-56. NC State is a team who has taken a while to get it together, and they've been up and down this season. So is this a good win? Meh, it's a solid beating at least. (16-3, 3-2)

Well, the coaches were sick of Duke being out of the top 10 for so long, so after two mediocre wins against average (at best) teams, they decided to do something about it.

#10 Duke vs. #17 Clemson, W 68-66. We all know this is bullshit and Clemson should have won this game. But what a surprise, the DUKE operators fucked up, allowing Duke to win. Regardless, it was a win against a Clemson team that was still performing at the time. Well, not regardless. It's bullshit. But whatever. We know the truth. (17-3, 4-2)

#10 Duke vs. Boston College, W 75-61. I can't remember if this was after BC lost those dudes for the season or what. I've personally always felt that BC was overrated, so this win doesn't surprise me much. It was a decent win I guess. (18-3, 5-2)

#10 Duke AT Virginia, L 66-68. Why isn't UVA ranked? They beat a top ten team. Even if it was at home, that should be good for something, right? Good win for UVA, who, I reiterate, is unranked. (18-4, 5-3)

#10 Duke vs. Florida State, L 67-68. Youch, Florida State? Really? Ok, I guess, uh, they're tough. Even though you're at home. And ranked #10 in the nation. Right? They're tough? (18-5, 5-4)

#16 Duke vs. #5 UNC, L 73-79. Like we didn't see this coming. Rough stretch for Duke, first losing to perennial ACC powerhouses UVA and FSU, now losing to UNC? Ouch. (18-6, 5-5)

#16 Duke AT Maryland, L 60-72. Maryland always plays Duke tough at home, Why isn't Maryland ranked 16 though? Following this game, the teams had similar cumulative records. (18-7, 5-6)

UNRANKED (Gasp!) Duke AT #21 Boston College, W 78-70. Now I'm positive BC didn't have those two dudes who were suspended, and Duke won this game pretty easily. I expected BC to win, and I was very disappointed. It's a good win on the road though, right? Maybe not quite so much, but at the time they needed it. (19-7, 6-6)

UNRANKED Duke vs. Georgia Tech, W 71-62. Duke atones, sort of, for the loss at GT. The ACC is tough this year? (20-7, 7-6)

Again, the coaches had enough of Duke out of the top 25, so guess who's back baby!

#17 Duke at Clemson, W 71-66. Try as they might, Clemson's timekeeper didn't get the opportunity to fuck over Duke, and Duke comes away with the win. But seriously? Back in the top 25 at 17? That's a joke coaches, and you know it. (21-7, 8-6)

#17 Duke at St. John's, W 67-50. SJU was overmatched from the beginning. They could have used some of Bootsy Thornton's magic. I loved him. This was an easy win over a pretty weak team. Who cares? (22-7, 9-6)

#14 Duke vs. Maryland, L 77-85. I didn't watch the game, but apparently Maryland out-athleticked*** Duke in this game. Also, apparently the coaches cared about the win over SJU because they moved Duke up in the polls. (22-8, 9-7)

So that's where Duke stands now with a game coming up at UNC (a loss) and then the conference tourney. Just to be fair, Duke's RPI is 13, and their strength of schedule is 3. THREE?! Are you serious? They played all non-conference games at home except for one, and only 3 of those teams were ranked. Bah, I used to think RPI meant something, but if Duke gets a 3 for strength of schedule, then I refuse to buy into it. THREE??

*While I dislike Duke, this is more directed at how the media and coaches give them so many votes for playing so average.

**Voting fellatio is a term trademarked by me.

***It's a word.

Continue to Bear down

So, the NFL offseason has been underway for a while, but only recently has speculation risen about who is actually going to be an unrestricted free agent, and who will get the franchise tag, and who the Bears will get and their draft-plan and whatnot. And I was reading some things today that had me worried.

First, we gave Lance Briggs the franchise tag. I'm totally cool with this, as it lays the groundwork for a big raise next year, should he not hold out like that Rosenhaus prick will almost certainly tell him to do. And the Bears don't really negotiate contracts unless we're tying up someone long-term (see Azumah, Terry, and McQuarters, R.W.) before they hit the market. Man, what was with those deals. Anyways, if things don't work out with Briggs after this season is over, I see us picking up a linebacker in the draft who will have a year to learn behind one of the best linebackers in the game right now.

Now I've seen articles that the Bears should re-negotiate a deal for Thomas Jones so he doesn't end up going somewhere else when he becomes a free agent. That's just a stupid idea. I realize that Jones performed pretty well last year, but I stand by my argument of "who wouldn't have?" The Bears continued to jam the run down people's throat, and usually it worked. It worked in the Super Bowl until the Bears went away from it, for some unknown reason. But tell me that Jones is a better back than Benson. It's not true. Jones doesn't break tackles, he's not very fast, and he's not a hard runner. He relies on his ability to slip through guys' hands, and the occasional reversal, or he goes down. I contend that Benson can be our first back, Adrian Peterson can be our second, and we can draft and/or sign someone for our third and also special teams. And we can probably get something decent for Jones by trading him.

I also saw that the Bears could be very interested in trading for Adam Archuleta. This is dumb. Dumb dumb dumb. We've got two solid young safeties who have Super Bowl experience. Archuleta had a great reputation for run defense, but people knew he was kind of a liability in coverage. Well, that blew up this past season, when he was basically held out on any sort of passing downs and coverage schemes. Tell me why we would want a safety like that in our Cover 2 secondary? Huge mistake. Plus, he's fucking expensive. And there's nobody I would give up for him. Not even Thomas Jones. So what do we do? Well, if Mike Brown is on his way out, we draft a safety. Look at our history with safeties lately. Mike Green managed to play his way into a nickelback role his first year, and started his second year. Then he was beat out by rookie Chris Harris. Who was then beat out by rookie Danieal Manning. I think if Manning has an offseason to learn strong safety, he may be better suited for it than Chris Harris.

Now let's go to the defensive line. We're probably going to lose at least one tackle in free agency. And it's possible we could lose two. I know that we drafted Dusty Dvorachek last year, and I really thought that was going to be a steal, but then we heard nothing more from him. So early in the draft this year, say, second round, we take a tackle. Do tackles last that long? Or is it more of a "early or late, nothing in between" deal? Anyways, we don't know what's going to happen with Tank Johnson as it is, but we need a backup plan.

I would really like to add some offense at some point this offseason. I like our receivers, but that's not to say I don't think we could get BETTER. Or we could add a better tight end behind Desmond Clark. I don't care.

So here's what I think we need to address in the draft.
1. Offensive line. We're old and getting older. And if we can't bring in Eric Steinbach, we need some youth. And depth.
2. Defensive Tackle.
3. Linebacker.
4. Running back/safety
5. Cornerback.
6. Marcus Colston type receiver. What, that's not delusional, is it?
7. Grab-bag.

The Bears really don't have a whole lot that they need to fill. They've done a pretty solid job of building depth, especially on defense, through the draft, but now we need to make sure we don't lose any of that depth for a long time. And if we can also fill some holes on offense or at least increase production, then there's absolutely no reason we shouldn't be favorites in the NFC. Well, we won't be, as long as the Saints are in the NFC, and maybe even the Giants. Or Seahawks. But we know the truth.