Friday, October 13, 2006

It's official

Eric Gordon is now the biggest bitch in college basketball. And he's not even in college yet!

Yes, it's official, Gordon has spurned the Illini for the Hoosiers. So, let me be the first to congratulate this piece of shit on a terrible decision. Should I not be tearing into a high schooler for renegging on a commitment he made nearly a year ago? Probably not. Do I care? You bet your ass I don't.

So, let me just say this: I look forward to coming up with great ways that I can heckle you. Hell, I may even try to attend whatever it is they do in the Assembly Hall at IU (you can't call that shit basketball, unless you're talking about the women) just to try out some of my new heckles over and over and over again. I intend to be as original as I've ever been.

I will hate you with all of my heart. You are as bad as Bill Self. In fact, I find it hard to find any distinction between the two of you. I will take great joy when you fail, and your team fails, time and time and time again. Remember Bracey Wright? Things must be going great for him now. And don't be mistaken. You will fail. Time and time again.

Just remember all that Bruce Weber offered you. I hope he is more tactful than I am in his insults of your decision. I mean, throw your future away. You've worked hard to get where you are, you might as well piss it all away for a prick like Kelvin Sampson.

So on draft night 2 years from now, or 3, or, lets be honest, you're gonna need all 4 years under Sampson to try to get onto anyone's draft board, when you don't get that call, just make sure you thank your coach for misleading you into thinking that going to IU was something that was good for you. And God I hope someone calls you to tell you they're going to take you, and then, eh, they change their mind. Dick.

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