I forget things

This weekend was not your typical weekend in Peoria, but, then again, my typical weekends in Peoria are spent indoors with the lights off, shades drawn and a gun by my side as I peer out my window between the shades. Oh, and there may or may not be alcohol there. But this was Internation Beerfest weekend, so there was really no way it could be typical anyways.

Friday started out with me leaving work at 6:15. Hey, that's exciting. I had to stop and pick up some extra Captain on the way home, and I believe I saw one guy walking the street who already was outrageously intoxicated. Good times. I was actually kind of jealous of him though, not for being in the street, but for being intoxicated. But I digress. I got home, had a small dinner and showered so I could get my drink on. Streets and Bootz got to Peoria around 8:45, and they seemed to have made pretty good time. I was not yet completely drunk by the time they got there, but I was well, well on my way. So I continued drinking, they began drinking, and we all started getting drunk. The night is actually really hazy after that. I don't remember leaving my apartment too well, but I do remember getting to 4play. I believe we got there and it was pretty empty. I have no idea what time this was by the way. So we sat down, and we kept drinking obviously. Then there was a whole lot of empty space in my memory. I think the three of us were dancing, and then I think the two chicks went to the bathroom, leaving me by myself. That was great. I was grabbed by some chick and asked if I wanted to dance. Why the hell not? So when Bootz and Streets walked out of the bathroom, I was dancing with some chick no one knew. Somehow I wandered away from her or something though, and I was back in the clear. Um, there was more dancing I guess, and then we left around 2:30 or so. AND WE DIDN'T GO TO BIG AL'S. Hugely disappointing. Anyways, we crossed the street over to Hoops for some kickass pizza. Streets ordered and paid, and I remember ordering a beer. Then we found a table and sat, waiting for our pizza. For some reason, Streets decided to take a string of 28 pictures of Bootz and myself, while we did nothing spectacular. I went to check on the pizza, and like two minutes later it came. So we marched back to my place (not actual marching, at least that I can remember), and at one point Bootz carried the pizza on her head. I don't know why either. We got back, and everyone had pizza I think, and there were phone calls made, I think. Bootz was adamant about me getting out my futon mattress for her to sleep on, and I don't think anyone knows why that happened either.

Woke up the next day before 10 I think. I'm pretty sure. We were all very hungover, and there was much Tylenol to be had. After the chicks took a short nap, we all went to eat at Buffalo Wild Wings. It wsa not as enjoyable as possible, probably mostly due to the intense much smell we were getting. No one was feeling too hot afterwards, and this was a problem in part due to the fact that we were going to try many various kinds of beer with no break in between, and some of them were going to be bad. We took a cab to the IBF, but we had to wait like 10 minutes for it, so we waited outside. Just sitting on the bench behind us was none other than Sergio McClain, who I had met previously at 4play. While drunk. I fought the urge to go talk to him, mainly because I had nothing to talk about besides looking like an idiot. Our cab driver there was particularly special. She took us a long, roundabout way, and she made various types of conversation. I will not go into the topics of conversation; suffice to say they were mainly about this crazy lady's problems. At the beerfest, there were roughly 12 beers tried by each person, althought there were some repeats, even after the rules were explained. We probably left around 6:30 or 7 back to my place, when we got a nice cab for the ride back home. Then we headed to get some dinner, and we saw like 10 people who we'd seen earlier at the Beerfest. We walked to Martini's, had a drink there, and we were going to have another but the waitress never came back, so we walked back home, I drank, then we headed out for a night of boredom at 4play. There was seriously no one there until like 12:30, and we left at like 1:30. There were no other shenanigans in the night, except that we watched like 20 minutes of Cursed, a terrible, terrible movie.

That was pretty much the weekend. Streets and Bootz had to leave early, so there were no further adventures. It started off awesome, minus Big Al's though, and it ended pretty boring. I guess that's the risk you run when you drink various beers all day though, and then no one goes out at night. Still, it was way better than any other weekend in Peoria though.

Vegas bitches

Today is my first day back to work after returning home from Vegas. I don't really think much of a premise is needed for this weekend recap; just be sure that I'm not remembering huge chunks of it, and it was all fucking amazing.

So Thursday night I went to bed sometime after 1. I was pretty exhausted and we had to get up at 6, but couldn't sleep. I finally did sleep, then woke up around 5. And there was no more sleep after that. I drove us to the airport, we got through security, I pull out my iPod. Uhoh, I must have left it in my car. We had about 45 minutes to board, so I hustled back to my car, nearly got EXTREMELY lost trying to find my way to my car, but I got the iPod, waited in security AGAIN, then made it back to the gate with about 10 minutes to spare. We get high enough that we can use our electronics, so I pull out my iPod, and it's broken. Sweet. Glad I wasted that trip. Also, The Holiday was on, and that made me hate myself. So I was 0 for 2 at that point. Great, it's going to be an awesome trip. I think I slept for about half an hour on the plane, then woke up for descent. We get to Vegas, meet up with everyone else, then get to the hotel (after checking in at the airport). We check our bags, then go eat because we're starving. Almost all of us order our first round of drinks for the trip, except of course Steve (he got water) who was 4 beers in already. One or two drinks later (it was two for me) and a lunch later, we hit the gambling floor. I saw about $40 disappear quickly and decided I was done with slots for the weekend. Then we went and finally got into our hotel room. Everyone in my room slept, and I went down to gamble with everyone else. We went to the Monte Carlo and played some blackjack. Except when I say 'played' I really mean threw our money into the shitter. I cut myself off after losing $45; let's just say the others didn't make the same decision. We eventually headed back to the hotel (after getting a quick dinner and buying alcohol) and started to get ready. Well, except, our toilet broke. It wouldn't flush unless you took the back off of the toilet, and lifted the thing manually. I was told to fix it, but I could not. Luckily, like 20 minutes later, some dude came to fix it and we were cool. Then all of us got ready, and I continued to drink heavily. I was on a mission. So 10:30 or 11 rolls around, I'm not sure which, and we head down to Studio 54. There's no line, which we love, and we walk right in (after the overpriced cover). I buy an $8 beer, and everyone else is like, hey, we're going to go back upstairs to drink. I then finish my beer, and then Steve and I go up to drink more as well. And as we're walking upstairs, the alcohol begins to hit me. I'm wasted! Awesome. So we have like 2 more drinks (they were like 6 ounce cups) and then head back down. I buy one more $8 beer and I think that was it for the night. There was dancing, go-go dancers, some sort of trapeze show or something, and then a large gap. I think we left around 1:15 and went up to pass out.

Saturday I woke up to a text message around 8:15 or 8:30. It says get ready, we're going to the pool. So I get ready, and everyone but Chris and Bootz gets up and we go to the pool at about 9. I think the bar opened up around 9:30 or so, or maybe 10, who really knows, and we all got drinks. There was some lazy river time, some hot tub time, but mostly just sun time. And there was 'I'm getting wasted time' for me. And it occurred after about two beers. I think I had at least 6 or 7 beers while we were at the pool, and we finally left around, uh, let's call it 3. Streets and I head back to the room to change and then meet up with everyone, uh, somewhere. Then, uh, some stuff happened I think, although I can't be sure. Then we went to eat dinner at a Mexican place (I forgot about this until yesterday morning). It was really good, but I couldn't eat a lot. I was full on chips, salsa, and loads of alcohol. There was no gambling for Streets and I on Saturday though. So we leave whereever we were (I remember a spiral elevator and lots of stores) and then we head back to the hotel to get ready for the evening. On the way back we saw two fountain shows, which were awesome. So we get ready (there's much drinking while doing so) and head to Tabu. We go there because at the pool we got tickets for getting in free (for the ladies) and dudes pay half. Well, guess who is the only one without a ticket. This guy. And we later discovered it wasn't my fault. But anyways, we go in and sit. At one point, we get kicked out of our table because someone has bought it. Ok, we move over. A little later, we're kicked out of that table too. The night ends like this:

SCENE MISSING.

Actually, I guess everyone left except me, Streets and Steve. Or, at least if everyone left, we hit the casino floor. Steve played a couple slots or something. I seriously have no idea whatsoever.

I do remember waking up on Sunday. I woke up still kind of drunk. Checkout was 11, and it was about 9:30 or so, so I was trying to finish up what was left of the captain, and I almost did it. Then our room went down, checked our stuff and hit up a little more gambling. Streets and I were up in blackjack when everyone was down, so we went and ate brunch. What a glorious brunch it was. And mimosas were included. From there we went to the Excalibur and gambled a little more, because tables were cheaper there. Things were not so lucky there. I lost about $140, then pulled another $100 out of the ATM. Bad idea, yes. The girls went to do something, Chris and Bootz went to the airport, and the three of us dudes went to New York New York for more gambling. Now, I should be pointing out that throughout the gambling there is a steady flow of drinks in front of me. New York New York was awesome. There was big money to be had, and the dealers were almost all awesome. And I think everyone at the table was pretty friendly. Except I was probably the loud obnoxious drunk guy at the table. I think twice Streets was out of chips, and someone paid for her to play, and she won. Anyways, long story short, we cashed out around 9:30 pm. We probably got there at like 4. I stood up, realized how incredibly drunk I was (and we didn't eat dinner) and then I thought I was going to be sick. So we walk back to our hotel (slowly in my case), get our bags, and head to the airport. I guess the cab driver reeked, but sitting in the back, I sure couldn't smell him. Anyways, we got to the airport, checked in, got through security. I was feeling better, so Streets, Steve and I went to get something to eat. The plane ride was miserable, but I slept for probably 2.5 of the 3.5 hours of it. Get home, I have to drive us home, then we go to sleep before the Cubs game on Monday.

Well, I had trouble sleeping, feeling like I would puke if I laid down. So I slept sitting up for about an hour, then slept laying down for about another hour. Around 11 we headed to Wrigley. There's not much to say about it. It was freezing, there were some loud little kids like 2 rows behind us (and one of their hot moms was getting drunk), and Streets got crazy drunk (Chris also got drunk, but I don't think he was crazy drunk. Maybe a little). So after the game, there's sitting around, Streets leaves, I start feeling super hungover. AGAIN. Finally I went to sleep around 11:30 and don't sleep too well.

The weekend kind of ended there. The drive home was miserable yesterday, I slept for 2 more hours at home, and I am not sure my iPod will get repaired even though it's still under warranty. Even still, it was an amazing weekend, and regardless of how little I actually remember of it, it was still totally awesome. Now I need REST.

I had another knife fight with a monkey

Oh man. What a weekend. It's rare when you get the combination of a birthday celebration, and then the following day is also a celebration of a holiday that includes drinking copious amounts of alcohol basically all day. It would kind of be like if my birthday was on December 29th or something. Or, if you're in school or something, it would be like my birthday was 2 days before Halfway to St. Patrick's Day, or something like that. Anyways, why not just get right into it?

On Friday I decided to take off work early. I didn't take lunch, so I left at 1:15. I was ecstatic about leaving early. I left for Chicago right around 2:20, and I was in traffic for a while, especially on Lake Shore Drive. But, it was rush hour, so, that was a big surprise. I believe I got to Chips's place around 6:10 or so. I pretty much walked in and started drinking pretty soon. We watched the Illini, the girls got ready, and then we all went to LBC for dinner. Well, LBC didn't quite have the exact thing I was looking for, but it was basically the same, so I was cool with it. I also wanted to try to not eat too much, as plans for the night included drinking as much as possible and losing parts of my memory. So we were at LBC until just about 10:00. We walk outside of the bar, hail a cab and then I get sort of ambushed with a blindfold.

Now, at this point, I thought we were going to Belly's. But then the girls all tell me that we had to stop somewhere really quickly, and I'm thinking, shit. Great. Anyways, we walk in the door; I'm still blindfolded. The bouncer, in a very gay-sounding voice, says I'm cute, he wants to take a shot with me later, his boyfriend is going to give me a wristband. At this point I'm positive I'm in a gay-strip club, or some sort of gay club or something. Which is actually strange, because, as I mentioned before, we were already at LBC for dinner. Anyways, the girls walk me in, take off the blindfold, and there are all of my friends, some of whom even lied about what they were doing. And, we were not actually at some sort of gay club, we were at Grand Central, where we were for New Year's Eve. I had actually mentioned going here earlier in the week, and the girls said no and that I was dumb for wanting to go there. So this was an awesome surprise. And, since we had wristbands, we had open bar from 10-1. I was like, you know what, I should get very fucked up. So I drank some captain and coke. And I was already like 5 or 6 beers into the night. After 3 more of those or so, I started getting hazy. I remember we were on the dance floor, trying to find someone for me to dance with or something, and I think I was really more interested in drinking. Then I vaguely remember someone giving me my coat, and at one point I also had 3 beers at once (which I don't really remember). So we left, and went looking for a cab, but we of course could not find one. We went walking down Sheffield, which I don't really remember, because of the shitcannedness. Get home, vaguely remember some things, pass out.

I wake up at 7 a.m., sitting up on the couch. I was embarrassed about passing out sitting upright. Not only that, Kim comes home and tries to wake me up so I'll lay down and was unable to. Oh well. I laid down and slept for a while longer. We sat around, watched something on TV for a while, started watching basketball, went and got lunch. At 1:30 we went to the guys' place to watch basketball and drink ALL DAY. After a couple rousing games of Circle of Death and Asshole, I started getting fairly drunk. Actually, really drunk. I remember it was sometime around 6 or 7 when we went out to Barleycorn. We had a lot of people though, so we were all figuring out who would go in what cab. Well, I think the girls went outside and got a cab, and I was dragged out also. However, I think I tied my shoe inside, stood up, hit my head on the edge of the door (which was open) really hard, which THE Balsan saw, and then went outside. I said my eye hurt in the cab, and the girls said shut up. Then I said it again, and they said shut up and asked if it was bleeding I think. I touched my face, looked at my hand. Yes. Yes I am bleeding. Then they felt bad that they were ignoring me and there are various pictures of it. Basically it's just a little cut on my eyebrow. I would post a picture but someone didn't put pictures of the weekend up yet.

Anyways, we get to Barleycorn and it's packed. There were long lines everywhere. St. Patrick's Day is about as bad as New Year's Eve. It's amateur night again. Anyways, about half an hour later we finally got inside. We went upstairs because there would be dancing later. So there's much more drinking, and after the basketball games end, there's much dancing. We were trying to explain to Streets what a boomerang is, but we told her she'd have to do it, but she was too chicken to find out. I'm sure many people have done it, and there may even be many who also would like to. Her loss. Anyways, drinking, dancing, and Streets somehow becomes belligerently drunk. Chips takes her home, but not before she can fall down. Oops. Eventually, more people from our group have gone home. I think there were 5 of us left, and we all decided to leave as well. Now here's where my dilemma comes in. I was starving. We didn't eat dinner, and I'm always hungry at the end of the night when I'm drunk anyways. Buck says he wants to go to the Mexican place by his place, and since his friends and sister were with us (and staying at his place) they all obliged. I, however, was torn. Chips had left her door unlocked for me, and I didn't want to walk all the way to Buck's, then all the way back. Also, due to other occurrences in the night, I wasn't positive it would be a great idea for me to go stay at Buck's place. So I was like, I'll just go to El Burrito instead.

So there I was, around 2 a.m., in El Burrito by myself. I really didn't want to see anyone I knew. I got my phone out, and started calling just about everyone I knew, and all in a cycle, leaving voicemails with everyone. I stop long enough to get my food, then I leave and continue the calling cycle. Finally I get back to Chips's place. I believe the thought process I had was, holy shit, this taco is awesome. I should share this experience with someone, so I called Ltrain. Then I took some pictures of myself enjoying the tacos. Seriously. They were amazing.

This time I remember laying down to pass out, probably around 3. So I'd say there was a little over 12 hours of drinking. I wake up around 7:30, and there's Streets, kind of laying on the other end of the couch. Why is she there? She wasn't there when I passed out. She said she had no idea why she was there either. We went back to sleep until around 10 I think. Streets was still drunk when she woke up then. We went to get lunch around 12, then came back and watched basketball. Then I left to drive home, piece back together parts of my night and any one of the 13 or so (at least) voicemails I'd left the previous night, and reflect on the pure awesomeness of the weekend.

This weekend had it all. I seriously don't think it could have been much better at all. Now under 3 weeks to Vegas. That one is going to be insane.

What a weekend

Oh man, this past weekend was awesome. It makes coming to work on a day like today so much less bearable. It's actually quite unfair to have to go to work on a day like today, a day reserved for perhaps the greatest man in history, Casimir Pulaski. Such a great man. He did things like develop the first laptop, and he saved the world from an asteroid once. Bah work.

So, on Friday night I was heading to meet Bootz and Streets in Bloomington. It was snowing for most of the afternoon, but none of it was sticking to the ground or anything. So I'm thinking, no big deal, I'll just meet them down there. So as I'm driving, at one point I see like 3 cars in the ditch. I'm like, shit, how did that even happen. So I slow down a lot, and notice what appears to be black ice (this was at like 7:45 Friday night). Then about 1/4 mile down the road is a bridge I'm driving over. I see a tow-truck on the far side of the bridge and wonder why he isn't back at the other group of cars. That's about the time that I saw like 4 more cars in the ditch up by the tow truck. Then I feel my rear-end start sliding. Yep, no control of the car. Luckily I managed to straighten it out without too much difficulty and/or freaking out. I'm an awesome driver. But, regardless, I finally did make it there around 8. I believe I had somewhere in the area of 6 beers before we went out, and I didn't eat much for dinner. But I did eat dinner, as opposed to Bootz and Streets. We get downtown in Bloomington and everyone except for us three goes to Paulie's while we go to Mulligans. The girls split a long island, and I had my own. And it was awesome. I was so drunk. While there we saw my friends from school, and they all left to go to El Roy's eventually. I didn't want to walk all the way down there for nothing, so we said we were going to Rhino's to dance. The three of us went to Rhinos and there were some weird looking people inside. But Finlandia had some sort of promotion, and the girls had tiny martini's or something. I don't really remember. After a little bit of dancing, we were grabbed by our friends and told to go to Paulie's. I think we were only there for about one beer, then we left. We went to Flinger's to get pizza, and it was so fucking good. However, the entire time we were at Flinger's, Streets was passed out on the table. She got up to go to the bathroom, and she was waiting in line when we were told we needed to leave. So we go out (Streets an Bootz in front of me) and we see our one friend, and he hugs the girls. And I think I hear something hit the sidewalk, like a splash. Then I hear it again. Then we walk down the street a little ways and hear it again, but this time see it. Streets is puking. On the sidewalk. In Bloomington. And the first time she did it over our friend's arm that was around her.

I'm pretty sure I was laughing hysterically. But she was ok after the puking, which didn't last too long. We managed to find everyone to get on the bus back to our friends' place. On the trip was my first unsolicited kiss from a married chick. Not that I go around asking all these married chicks to kiss me or anything. Once back, I don't remember a whole lot. I do remember being attacked however. For some reason, Bootz was pinning me down. I don't know why. And her friend was sitting on my legs, pulling at my leg-hair. She wanted to hurt me. Again, I have no idea why. I was drunk enough that I couldn't feel it too much, and apparently I have some sort of pain-tolerance, because I wasn't saying anything. This only made her pull more though. Eventually, though, everyone let me up. I got on the air mattress to pass out, and Bootz laid down on the couch (where someone else was sleeping, but had gone outside to smoke I think) and passed out. And, save for a question I haven't been asked since I was a sophomore in college, that was the end of the night.

We woke up sometime around 9 or so the next day and tried to piece the night back together. Apparently Streets wasn't the only one to puke on the street. We left to go earring shopping (why do I always end up shopping when I hang out with the girls?) and then we went to Panera shortly after that. We got back to Peoria around 11:45, and save for a lot of confusion and Streets taking the wrong exit, there were no huge incidences. Pretty much everybody passed out for a little while, while I watched the Illini. There was a lot of sitting around until around 4, when everybody got ready and we went to dinner. We went to Buffalo Wild Wings and there was much hot bbq. I had two 23oz. beers there, then I got to take the girls shoe shopping. Seriously. More shopping. Not only that, but following our trip to the shoe store, I had to take them to my most hated place, Target. Luckily there wasn't too much time passed in the stores. I think we got back to my place around 7, I showered, then the drinking really began.

Well, first, I got out of the shower to find the girls treading on me very hard. I was glad that I could invite them into my place and have them make fun of me mercilessly. But anyways, we were listening to music and drinking heavily. I had 4 captain and cokes, and the girls worked on a fifth of voda. I have no idea what time we went out, but maybe it was like 10? So we went to 4play and to Club Reign. Which was empty. So we sat down, rather than dance on an empty dance floor, and played I Never. I learned many things about the girls, and I doubt I remember most of it. Well, eventually the place filled up and we went to dance. Probably somewhere around 1 or maybe 1:30 we went to Big Al's. We were there for such a long time. And we made the mistake of drinking there. At one point, I vaguely remember getting a call from Jake, and he said he was on his way to Peoria. And I got off the phone, and I was like "Um, I think Jake is coming here." Luckily I forgot about that. So while Bootz and I waited for her card, we sent Streets over to Hoops to order us some pizza. We get over there and she's only ordered us one slice each. And I thought we had specifically been talking about ordering a pizza. Well, we were upset about it, but there was nothing we could do. Luckily, I remembered I had a pizza in my freezer from about a year ago. It was a take and bake pizza, and they were really good. I just never made this one because it was so big. So I'm like, shit, I'll make that one when we get back. So, I got home, made the pizza, took it out, cut it. It had a weird area that was kind of burnt, but I thought nothing of it. Finally I took a bite, and it was the most disgusting thing I've ever tasted in my life. No amount of hot sauce could have made that ok. So we wasted the whole thing, which I was actually ok with.

Then there was more sitting around, listening to music I think. This is at like 4:30 in the morning. We were also calling people and leaving some very drunk messages. Most of which none of us remember. Finally, around 5 or so we get into bed. Bootz however isn't satisfied with this. She's very angry. Very angry. And she was acting crazy for like 15 minutes. Not New Orleans crazy, but still crazy entertaining. Finally, somehow, she calms down enough that she passes out. This was at like 5:20.

We all woke up around 10 or 10:30, all pretty hungover I think. For lunch we went to Joe's Crab Shack, which I'd been to before and I raved about the food. Streets did her usual thing and ordered a crazy combination of food, and Bootz and I got the same thing. While we're waiting for our food, the restaurant manager sidles up and begins talking to us out of nowhere. The place was empty, so I don't know if he was bored, but it was odd. While Bootz is eating, she notices something weird stuck to her plate. It looks like cheese, and it's stringy. Then she smells it, and it's gum. At that point the waiter comes up and asks how everything is. She mentions what's stuck on her plate and the manager again sidles up out of nowhere and says "Maybe it's something in the calamari." So, note, do not order the calamari I guess. Anyways, she gets a new plate of food, which the manager brought out by sidling up and she got a free meal. Jerk. Then the two of them left at like 2:30, leaving my place a mess and bogarting some of my stuff.

It was such an awesome, awesome weekend.

May I ask you and your mullet for a dance?

I didn't do anything on Friday night and the weekend craziness was all jammed into Saturday night. But it was very crazy.

Jim, Jake, and Dan (friends from ISU) all came up for the night after getting fitted for tuxes for Jim's wedding this summer. We watched the end of Florida/LSU and then we went to Buffalo Wild Wings for dinner. We walk in, and the place is packed. We had already decided we were going to sit in the bar, so we walked right in. The bar however was packed. We stood around for a second, trying to decide what to do, and the people at the table in front of us said they were about to leave. Well, as we're waiting for them to leave, this girl comes up and asks their table who wants to play NCAA March Madness '07 on PS2. They were all like, oh, we're leaving, ask those dudes, pointing to us. Jake says he'll play, and the girl said they needed a second, so Dan said he'd do it. Well, on second thought, Dan changed his mind, so I decided to play. Well, I beat Jake's ass. It was embarassing. Then the dude by the PS2 tells us that it's like a tournament, and I should stick around because I'll be playing again soon. Long story short, I ended up winning the tournament, and I won some Miller Lite gear and the game for PS2. Not bad for the cost of a meal.

So then we went home and continued drinking. I had 3 captain and cokes, then 2 more beers, in addition to the 4 beers I had at dinner, and the 3 guys split 23 beers. Then we went out. At like 11, possibly earlier. We went to Sully's, but they said cover was $10. Fuck that. But the bouncer told us the Real World members were there. The place was empty. I hope it stayed empty all night. Uh, anyways, we went to 4play. We were in Tomkats for a while, then we went to Club Reign. We hung out a little bit, then we went across the street to the Adam's Apple. By this point I was incredibly drunk. I don't remember much about it, except that the bartenders there were very interesting looking. And one had a super mullet. Well, at some point, everyone decided it would be fun to try getting shot down by as many girls as possible. We were all really drunk. We each had a long island at that bar, and then we pretty much got out of there as fast as possible and went back to 4play. Back at Club Reign, the guys were again asking as many girls to dance as possible. At one point I went up to this chick and asked if she wanted to dance or something. Then she mentioned something about a husband, and I was like, wow, ok, a no would have been fine. Then she was like, no, it's ok, or something like that, I'm not really sure. But at some point I wandered away, back to the guys. Then they asked if these two black girls wanted to dance, and the girls pulled all 4 of us onto the floor, or so I'm told. Shortly after, everyone walks back, except for me. I was like, fuck, I'm gonna dance with this girl.

So we danced for hours. I remember at one point looking back and seeing Jake starting to pass out, and then he disappeared shortly after. At some point the girl I was dancing with had to leave, so Dan, Jim and I made our way to Big Al's. Dan pretty much left as soon as he walked in, leaving just Jim and I. All I had was like a 5 or something, so I traded Jim and got 5 singles. And I spent the entire time there by the stage. I made some friends, as did Jim. He was sitting at a table with two chicks, and it was one girl's birthday. When I gave my first dollar to a stripper, the girl next to me told me to tell the stripper to smile. So, the stripper came over, and I said: "2 things. First, you should smile more, you look like you're having a terrible time. Second, it's the girl's birthday behind me and she should have a good time." The stripper comes back with "And?" and I was like, "Uh, that's all I've got." Then I sat down feeling and probably looking like a jackass. I got back on the wagon though, and later, one dude came and sat on the other of me (after Jim got up) and I imparted some strip club wisdom to him. His life will be forever changed, I'm sure. Anyways, Jim told me he was going to the ATM to get money for a lapdance. So I was stuck by myself. Well, I think I went to the bathroom and waited for Jim to get done. Shortly there after, Jim comes back and says we should leave.

Apparently his lapdance didn't go to well. She started, and then he had to get up, walk outside, and throw up. So Jim and I got our coats and went across the street to Hoops for some kickass pizza. It was about this time (nearly 3:30), that I realized that neither Jake nor Dan, both of whom had been gone for nearly an hour, and Jake for about 3 hours, had my keys to get in. So, rather than call and ask if they were ok, or go home and let them in, I told Jim we should hurry. So we see the two girls who were at the strip club at Hoops and we sit down with them. They say they've ordered a pizza and we can have some, so we don't have to order our own. The pizza came pretty quickly, and Jim and I each had a piece or something. Then Jim was giving me a "let's not pay" look. He goes to the "bathroom." Like 2 minutes later, he calls me, and I look back and see him behind the corner, calling me. So I get up, tell the girls I also was going to the bathroom, and we took off. Suckers. Jim isn't feeling too hot again, so we walk home quickly (it was raining, which I don't remember) so he can get back. I have to unlock the outside door and I wonder how Jake and Dan got inside. The elevator pulls up to the 9th floor and Jim looks again like he's about to puke, so I hurry inside to unlock my door. But, when we got off at my floor, there were Dan and Jake, with Jake curled up on the floor sleeping. We get inside, Jim pukes for awhile, we call Poops.

I don't remember too much else of what happened. It was 5 when I passed out, and I woke up around 9, still drunk. The guys leave around 11:30 or so, no big deal. I was getting my stuff ready for work last night, and I realized I had no idea where my wallet was. Not on my desk, check the pants from the night before, no wallet. Oh no. So I'm thinking "Oh shit, oh shit oh shit, I have to call Big Al's, would they still have it, has anyone spent any of my money, oh shit, oh shit, what am I going to do, oh shit..." I started to check if anyone had spent any of my money online when I went back into my bedroom to make sure it wasn't in there. Sure enough, on the far side of my bed, was my wallet, with 5 singles strewn about. Then I remembered taking it out of my jeans last night and throwing it on the ground, then doing the same with the singles in my pocket. And I remember looking at them as I woke up Sunday, still drunk.

So that was the night, and the only night of note all weekend. It is also worth pointing out that it very well could happen again this weekend. It's going to be another awesome weekend.

More New Orleans

I remembered a couple other things about New Orleans that I left out before.

On Friday night, on Bourbon Street, there were a bunch of dudes handing out condoms. Each of us went up to the dudes to get a handful of condoms. There is a series of pictures taken of Bootz, first with her putting the comdom package in her mouth like she was biting it. Then she opened it. Then she put the actual condom in her mouth, like she was biting it. I'm pretty sure this happened before we got pizza.

Back at the hotel room that night, before people started passing out, for some reason the girls all started throwing the condoms at me. Bootz was really drunk, she was standing about 3 feet away from me, and she was still only hitting me with 1/3 of the condoms she threw. I was whipping the condoms back at the girls, but it was 3 against 1, so it wasn't very fair. When everyone had satisfactorily thrown all the condoms at me, Chips picked one up and began inflating it. There is also a series of pictures of this. I think we left a lot of the condoms strewn about the floor when the maid came in the next day. And speaking of the maid, the maid cart we saw had a flask on it. Apparently during Mardi Gras you can drink and do your job. Lucky bastards.

The next day, during the second parade (I think) of the day that we were watching, somebody threw an entire back of pirate beads to me. Everyone was jealous of the beads, and I kept them all to myself. I told the girls that they could have them, but they would have to earn them. Well, back at the hotel (bathroom break before dinner) the girls weren't too happy about having to earn them. So I got pinned down. One person was trying to grab each hand, and then the third was trying to get the beads off. I was valiantly defending my booty from the three of them, but then Muffy grabbed my arm and sat on it. With my arm at an extremely uncomfortable angle, I thought it might be best if I chose not to break my arm for the sake of a couple beads that we all know I deserved. So I gave up and let the girls divide the pirate beads evenly. It was a sorrowful moment.

Also, I've never heard "I'll kick you in the junk" so many times in less than 48 hours.

I'll impregnate you!: Mardi Gras recap

For all of the worrying about the weather this weekend, little did I know that the New Orleans weather would be so much less than desirable. Also, I tried to remember as much as possible, but if there are things I've left out, perhaps someone will fill me in as to what happened. Oh, one more thing: I don't remember the names of almost anything we went to.

We went to bed a little after 12 on Friday night, and we couldn't decide what time we wanted to leave. I'd already checked us in online, so we just had to wait to get through security. We didn't know how much snow would be on the roads, so we got picked up at 4:30 Saturday morning, and we all woke up at 4:10 (Chips, Bootz, me; Muffy was already in Louisiana). We were through security by, like 5:15 or something, probably sooner, and our flight didn't leave until 6:30. Also, it was very depressing to be at the airport while stores were opening up. We got on the plane, and Muffy called just before to see how the weather was and if we'd be delayed, and also to mention that she was just getting home. Well, the weather was pretty fine, we were delayed like 20 minutes, but it was no big deal. The flight to Charlotte was fine, and everyone slept except for me. Bootz and I contemplated drinking once in Charlotte, but we chose not to hang out in one of the smoky bars just for a beer. We landed in New Orleans around 12:30 or so and met up with Muffy. We took a shuttle to our hotel, and this shuttle smelled like chicken parts, and there was a can of green beans in the back. We chose not to ask questions.

We got to our hotel at like 1:30, but check in wasn't until 3, so we went to Mothers to eat after checking our luggage. We waited in line, finally got food around 2:15 or 2:30 and began the day's drinking. The food was awesome and I didn't get made fun of for getting a plain sandwich. Then we left and caught our first beads of the day on our way back to the hotel. We ended up sitting at the hotel for over 30 minutes waiting to get a room, and Bootz and Muffy went to get beer while we waited, and then we started drinking. Open alcohol laws are fucking awesome. Finally we got up to our room, I showered and we were ready to head back out. I think things pretty much turned into a crazy haze right around this time, because I really don't remember exactly what happened next. I think we headed down to Bourbon Street. And, I think it was on our first stroll down Bourbon Street where I saw the first flasher. What amazed me more was all of the dudes with video cameras though. And if a chick ever looked like she was going to lift up her shirt, there was a circle of dudes around her in 2 seconds. I got a beer somewhere I think, and then we went to get hurricanes from Pat O'Brien's. Then Chips went to get her Mardi Gras initiation, complete with the dude who kind of humped her leg while he played her washboard suit. While Chips and Muffy were inside, Bootz was outside finishing her hurricane, at which point she said "When I'm puking later, this will be why." Shortly before she finished I went to get a Huge Ass Beer for $4 (sweet deal). I drank that, then had another one, and this is definitely where the night becomes foggy for a while. At some point I was without a drink, and we were walking down Bourbon Street, and Bootz wanted some chick on the balcony to throw her beads. The chick points at me or something, so Bootz pulls me over and lifts up my shirt. The chick on the balcony says that's not good enough, then says "His balls, your tits." So I did it of course. Ok, I didn't do it, I got out of there, and Bootz was close behind. At this point I busted out the phone and made something like 4 phone calls in a row. Shortly after (maybe, maybe not) we went to get pizza, and it was awesome. But to use the bathroom at this Mango Mango Pizza, you needed a receipt, so you had to wait in line and order pizza first. So I was last to order, then I went to the bathroom and came out to eat my pizza. While we were eating, Bootz dropped her pizza on the ground. Then she picked it up, took a bite, blew dust off of the pizza, then continued eating. She got the award for most drunk that night.

At some point, we were waiting to meet Muffy's friends outside of New Orleans' gross version of White Castle. I hear it makes White Castle seem delicious, which can't be good. Well, while we were waiting, we went into the Hustler store which was across the street, I think so the girls could use the bathroom. Of course, the bathrooms there were closed off. I would like to point out that while you may think going to an adult store with a group of girls is awesome, at some point it's going to get very awkward. And that point was right around the toy area. Luckily I was very drunk at this point, and I managed to block out some of the memories of the store, and then finally, shortly after the toy section, we left.

Somehow we decided to go back to the hotel, and then we went back out to watch the last parade (Endymion). We'd missed the first 10 floats or so, and we hung out for a little while before going back to the hotel again (I think). Before heading back, I managed to catch some beads with my bare hands, and by this point it was probably below 30 degrees outside, with a freezing wind. I thought I'd broken my finger. Anyways, back at the hotel, Bootz was spectacularly drunk, and spectatularly entertaining, and Chips decided she was done for the night too (after she got back from Wendy's). Muffy and I headed back out, but it was so ridiculously cold and windy. We went to Sean Kelly's for a while, and then we were going to go somewhere to dance, but cover was $20! They don't even have that at most places in Chicago! Then we checked across the street, and that place was $15 cover. So needless to say we went home. I think we got back around 12:30, had one more beer and then passed out.

Since everyone went to bed so early, we were all up early. Bootz was up at 6, I woke up at 8, Muffy at 8:30 or so, and Chips maybe at 9 or so. We all got ready around 10 and went do Cafe Du Monde for beignets. They were fucking awesome. Nothing like sweet pastries for breakfast. Then we wandered around New Orleans streets for a while, and Muffy was showing us around. Probably around 12:30 or 1 or so we went back to the hotel to get the beer from the night before. There were 7 left, so we started drinking those and headed out to the street for the first parade of the day. I think we'd finished 5 before the parade made its way over by us, so we went to get another 12-pack (our third so far of the trip). We also had to buy coozies because it was so incredibly cold. Well, I think by the end of the 2nd parade (the first two started within half an hour) we were done with the second 12-pack (Chips was deciding to wait for a while, but she had 2 beers without much to eat). Then we went to eat at another cafe whose name escapes me.

We were waiting in line, and there was this group of three dudes in front of us. We started talking to them, and they were all friends from law school at Pitt. At one point, they started talking a little bit of shit about Rex Grossman, so I stood up for Rex, and I proved my point, and while they may not have necessarily agreed, they at least thought the points were valid. We all decided to just sit together and eat. One of the guys seemed to be a little outspoken about how cool he thought I was, and while we were looking at menus, Bootz pointed out to me that that dude was totally gay and was flirting with me, and apparently I was flirting back. This was definitely news to me, as I didn't think he seemed gay, so I went for a second opinion to Muffy, who agreed 100%. Well, the girls made fun of me for it, and I tried to back off on the apparent flirting that was going on. But it was news to me. Anyways, the food was awesome, and not only was it awesome, but they had PBR specials too. I had 2 with dinner, and then got a third as we left. After dinner we left our new friends to head back to the parades.

This is totally the point where the night gets really hazy. We saw Bacchus, which was the one James Gandolfini was in, as was Drew Brees. While waiting for the parade to start, we had to use the bathroom. The closest was Wendy's, so we went in there, but there was a sign that said bathrooms were out of order, so use the porta-potties in the alley. They were sespools of filth, and I've never been more glad to be a dude. At one point when I was in line, I was in line behind this mom and her two little girls. Why you would bring your kids to Mardi Gras, I'm not sure. Muffy pointed out that there was another mother in the alley with one little girl, and she was telling her other child to go to the bathroom between the dumpsters. We thought it would be a little boy, and then out walks another little girl. And that was actually cleaner than the porta-potties. After the parade we went walking to Muffy's favorite bar, which is all the way at the end of Bourbon Street. I think I was drinking at this point, but I have no idea what. I might have gotten another Huge Ass Beer though. While we were at that bar, I might have been drinking, I don't know. Basically all I remember is that we were there for a while, and I apparently was singing or something. Then we left, and Muffy went to meet up with her friends after we got pizza, and the rest of us went home. We passed out at like 2, and then we woke up at 4:45 to catch our shuttle back to the airport which came at 5 to the hotel, and our flight left at 7:40.

There were certain things that surprised me. I said before I was surprised about all of the dudes with video cameras. I saw a chick with a shirt painted on, and she was really proud about it, letting everyone take pictures. I was also surprised by how many strip clubs there were on Bourbon Street.

And let me just say again that open alcohol laws are awesome. Some bars will only let you in if you buy something, which is kind of lame, because if you have a drink they may not let you drink it inside. But it's awesome to be like, oh, I have this open beer, but I want to leave. Oh, hey, I'll take it outside! Oh, let's go into this place. I'll drink this beer. Wait, no, I'll take it inside! New Orleans is fucking awesome. If it hadn't been so cold it would have been even more fun (but slightly harder to remember probably).

So that was the trip. Just about a month and a half until we head out to Vegas.

Doing the Super Bowl the right way

This was a crazy weekend. I think I did something that I haven't done since I graduated college, and even then I'm not so sure I didn't clearly do it much better. I don't want to give away too much too soon though.

So I pick up Muffy in Bloomington around 5 on Friday afternoon, so I've got a little company for the drive to the city. This actually made the drive much more enjoyable, and we made really good time although it seemed to go pretty slowly. We completely avoided traffic which was awesome. While we were on our way to the city we realized we had no idea where we were staying. I thought we were staying one place, Muffy thought we were staying at another. I think everyone had a different idea of where we were staying. Anyways, we finally got it all figured out. We didn't do much on Friday night aside from not eat dinner, then I started drinking pretty heavily and we watched The Prestige. I give the movie a big MEH. I got drunk, we watched the movie, we went to get pizza, I was forced to watch Grey's Anatomy, I passed out. I also passed out for a while during the movie too. Excuse me for not sleeping well and not eating dinner and getting drunk. Anyways, sidenote: Grey's Anatomy is such a terrible show. And Ellen Pompeo looks like ass. And Sandra Oh! looks like some sort of a mix between a llama and a dog. She's a llama-dog. She walked into a bar and the bartender was like, "Hey, why the long face?"

So, I'm not entirely sure what time we woke up on Saturday. I think it was fairly early. 9:30 or so. That sounds about right. We laid around for most of the morning, and then we finally started getting around. We went to go see Smokin' Aces at 2, and we had yet to have lunch. So that means that Muffy and I didn't have dinner and we didn't have lunch. The movie got over around 4, and then we went to Target. We were there for a while, and we decided we'd make dinner and make tacos. Of course, there's shit for tacos at Target. Also, I fucking hate Target. So then we left and went to Jewel to get shit for tacos. Following that we finally got home and had lunch/dinner whatever you want to call it. One meal for the day. And drinking began during it. So there was much drinking before we headed out at 10 to Belly's. At Belly's we got the $25 special for free drinks from 10-1. I have absolutely no idea how much I'd drank before we went out, but there was quite a bit. So anyways, we got there and I just drank beer the whole night. Well, Brooke showed up around 10:30. We sat around and played asshole for a while, and red/black/high/low, because there wasn't much to do at the bar besides watch the Bulls win and drink. Around 12:45 or so, Brooke said she needed to leave and that she was too drunk to stay any more. She also said she thought she'd be sick if she stayed much longer and was worried about puking in the cab. That was the last I'd heard of her that night. Around 1:15 or 1:30, Muffy wanted to dance, so we all headed to some after-hours bar. That place was skeevy. Is that accurate enough to describe it? Well, we were there until about 3:30 or so, then went home and passed out a little after 4.

Now, I woke up at 10 on Sunday morning. I was still completely drunk. Apparently I opened up a beer when we got home on Saturday night, but I only drank about 2/5 of it. Anyways, I woke up at 10, found out how Brooke's night ended (pukily), showered, opened the first beer at 10:41 and finished it before 11. This is how my Super Bowl Sunday began. We went to Costco and Jewel, and then came back home and started making food. Well, the people who were cooking made it. I just sat around and drank. At 2 we started watching Puppy Bowl 3 and then we played Loaded Questions. I don't remember any specific questions that were mistakes to ask, but I'm sure there were some. Anyways, I bet that the kickoff would not happen before 5:29, and I ended up losing $10 on that. I was sure to go double or nothing during the remainder of the game, but that never happened. I came out even for the day, as I won $25 but lost a $10 bet and paid $15 on squares which allowed me to win $25. So anyways, following the game, most of us were disappointed, but that didn't stop me from drinking. We watched Idiocracy which didn't look very good, although I probably passed out for about 30 minutes of it or so, and then we followed that up with watching Old School. It was like 1:15 or so when we went to bed that night. I eventually stopped drinking when I passed out during Idiocracy, but in no way was I sober when I went to sleep. So I was effectively drunk all day Super Bowl Sunday.

Woke up Monday at 10 again. I was dying of thirst and sober, but I was not hungover in the least. Monday of course was the first time I'd been sober since Saturday. Awesome. At one point in the morning I went to the bathroom in Dumpy's room because someone was in the other bathroom. As I flushed the toilet, I noticed the water rising. Hmm, interesting. Why is it going up when it should be going down? Then it started nearing the edge, and I thought, oh shit. This is bad. You haven't lived unless you've plunged someone else's toilet after not leaving anything behind to clog it, and I was about to live for the first time.

I jammed the plunger in as the water started pouring out. One plunge, two plunges. Nothing. I think in all I plunged four or five times and then the water finally went down. Surprisingly, walking out of someone's bathroom and saying "I need towels; the toilet overflowed" is kind of embarassing. I managed to get the whole thing cleaned up, and because I was so quick on my feet, there wasn't that much to clean up. And then I washed the skin off my hands just to make sure I was clean.

So that's how you do a Super Bowl weekend. You wake up drunk on Sunday and drink all day, then take Monday off. Except, uh, try and make sure your team wins.

You kiss your, uh, kids with that mouth?

Shortened weekend in Chicago, and it was actually supposed to be pretty low-key, as we really wanted to avoid spending as much money as possible. But there was no way that I could not go to the city to repeat the events for last week's Bears game, lest I anger the football gods resulting in a Bears loss. That was not something I wanted on my shoulders, so obviously I was going to Chicago for the game.

So anyways, I got to the city around 6 on Saturday night. I went to get beer as soon as possible so I could keep the evening as cheap as possible. So, I'd had probably something like 8 beers before we went out (wow, did I really have that many?) around 10:30 or 11. We went to this bar and I have no idea what its name was, but we stayed for approximately 10 minutes before leaving.

Here is where the night took a turn into the bizarre. We had already planned on going to the Hange Uppe, which is somewhere we never go. Of course, there is a reason for not going there. They play a lot of 80's music there, and sometimes you can be in the mood for that, which is fine. I've been there before. But a lot of the time the crowd there is less than desirable. So it's good to go if you're pretty trashed.

Anyways, we walk in and we go downstairs, which is where they play the 80's music. First we go the closest bar to get drinks. I think we were pretty much all under the assumption from the moment we walked in that none of us were drunk enough to be there. But, it was our choice regardless.

The air was thick with B.O. Or feet. Or puke. Or perhaps a mixture of all of them. With our drinks all in hand, our group (there were 5 of us, 3 dudes, two ladies) made our way to an open area on the dance floor. This area also happened to be directly in front of the stage area, where a group of uglies was dancing when we walked in, but they had been replaced by a group of women in their late 30's to mid 40's. Well, soon enough, we found out the most likely reason that this particular area of the dance floor was open.

We make our way to the spot, and before all of us even get there, Dumpy is grabbed by one of the ladies on stage and given a kiss on the lips. Immediately after that, the lady next to her grabs Dumpy and kisses him on the lips. While that was going on, the first kisser grabbed the Balsan and gave him a kiss on the lips and tried to shove a piece of ice (and probably her tongue) into his mouth. Following that, one of them grabs Muffy and starts going in for a kiss before Muffy pulls away and hides behind me. She wanted none of that apparently. Then, anywhere between like 5 and 45 seconds passes and then finally one taps Toots on the shoulder and asks her to go up there for a kiss as well, but she apparently wanted none of that. I mean I don't understand why.

The entire time, there I'm standing, not too far from the stage, but I'm watching all of this happen and I'm also trying to avoid eye contact with any of these ladies who might grab me and try to kiss me. And you know what? Not one of them tried at all. So, uh, that's not spirit-breaking or anything. I mean, these older, probably drunk ladies grabbed the two dudes and then the two chicks, and then didn't even bother giving me a passing glance. It was like they made the conscious decision. They looked at me and thought, "You know what, we're drunk, but even we have standards for who we'll randomly kiss on the lips while at the Hange Uppe dancing to 80's music." And I think that's what hurts most of all.

Well, as I tried to put the pieces of my life back together following that horrible rejection for the rest of the night, there wasn't too much of note that I can remember. I'm not exactly sure what time it was that we left, but we ended up going to El Burrito, where we hadn't been in a long time. I remember at various times throughout the night pointing out that I had no cash and opening up my wallet to prove it. Then I made various phone calls throughout the night and attempted to play "Hey There Delilah" while on the phone and drunk, but, surprisingly, it didn't work out so well. We'll just assume that it was because we couldn't remember the words and that was the only thing wrong with it though.

Anyways, that was pretty much where the night ended. Shortly after the abridged version of the song we got off the phone and passed out. Following that was the AWESOME Bears game on Sunday, and that's just about it.

The Bears are in the Super Bowl, so it was a super fucking awesome weekend.

I occasionally with* I wasn't such an idiot

This weekend started out inauspiciously enough, beginning with the cancellation of the Who's Bad show that was supposed to be Friday night, and I was basically fully prepared to be disappointed around every corner. Didn't quite happen though, which was quite a relief. But anyways, let's kick it off (hooray for the football reference).

First, on Friday afternoon, I actually found out that Monday was not a paid holiday. Fuck that. How dare the man tread on my black heritage? And how dare he say I have none? Just because I don't? Anyways, I was told that if I was planning on taking the three day weekend I might as well do it. Well, I left this up in the air and headed to take the train. The train was scheduled to leave at 5:54, and I got to the station at about 5:40, actually a little before. I walk inside and see the station is PACKED (note, this is a tiny train station), there is a long line and there's only one dude working the counter. 20 minutes later I get to the front of the line, get my ticket, rush outside to put a parking pass in my car, and the train still isn't there. It was 20 minutes late, so I still had about 10 minutes to wait after all that. Manage to find a seat on the train and I purchased 4 beers during the trip. Well, also during the trip, the signals went out on the track we were on. So, luckily, we got to enjoy the darkness of the midwest as the train went 20 mph stopping every 2-3 miles (which is standard when signals go out) for the better part of 45 minutes. About 10 miles outside of Joliet the signals came back on. So right now I'm about 50 minutes behind schedule I'm thinking. Well, about 20 minutes later they announce we're about 25 minutes from Chicago. All in all I only ended up about 45 minutes late, as opposed to, say, an hour and 20 minute (or more) which was what I feared. So anyways, get to Chicago, go have some beer (didn't have dinner) and then we go out. I don't remember too much of note about the night, aside from finally getting revenge on Bootz for pinning me into a corner for 10 minutes. I actually did it to her only for about a minute or two. But trust me, it was all hilarious. After we left the bar we went to Pizzaria and I ate more pizza than I knew was possible. Ok, that's not true, but I had a lot and it was f'ing awesome.

I woke up at like 8:30 Saturday and couldn't get back to sleep. I found out Meg was coming at like 2, so I was about ready to get lunch. Then she called and said she was there at 1:40. No problem, we went to lunch and then decided to go watch football at a bar somewhere. More expensive, but great nonetheless. We decided on Barleycorn. So we went there and were actually there before the bartender showed up (by like 5 minutes). So we're drinking at the bar and decide to move to one of the sweet booths they have. These booths are made for like 8 people, and it was just the two of us. It was awesome. Anyways, we watched the game, which sucked, and bet on it (a shot), and we spent at least two separate spans of 15 minutes not caring about the game and instead talking about Arrested Development. I had like 5 16 oz. beers at the bar, and after the game was over we left to go to Pizzaria to pick up dinner. I was drunk, so I was ready for it. We talked to the dude who sold us the pizza and he said he'd be there later and he'd hook us up if we came back that night. So of course we would be headed back. We went back, ate, then headed to watch Arrested Development instead of football. That's how disappointed we were in the early game. And we obviously missed a good game. But, that aside, we headed out to Grand Central (there were only three of us) around 10:30 (so that's nearly 8 hours of drinking already). After just standing around for a while we started dancing, and I went to the bathroom. I came back directly where we were before and no one was there. So I stand around for like 10-15 minutes, by myself, thinking maybe they went to the bathroom or something. Finally I get a call and it's Meg saying they're at the front of the bar, but they went up there so they could hear me when they called me. Well, either they were too drunk to realized they moved (perhaps) or I was not in fact where we were (doubtful). Regardless, we headed back to dance until we saw this super tall lesbian. She appeared to be a lesbian anyways. Well, we dared Meg to get a picture of her or something, and she did. But she actual told this tall chick that she was on a scavenger hunt and needed a picture with a woman over 6 feet tall. This chick was taller than me by probably at least two inches. I was terrified. Well, eventually we left and went back to Pizzaria, ONLY TO NOT GET THE HOOKUP. That bastard lied to us. We stumbled our way home, ate pizza and passed out, but I have no idea when.

We woke up at like 10 or so on Sunday I think. The entire group (minus Chips) got together to watch the Bears game, and Meg left. I was chastised by Bootz for not drinking beer at 12:15 on a Sunday. I think I started at like 1. I had 5 beers throughout the game, which was awesome. Aside from feeling like I was in a sauna for about 30 minutes, the whole experience was awesome. Anyways, we left at like 4:20. My train back left at 5:15, so I needed to get to the train station. Well, Poops gave me a ride, and she thought she was going the quickest way to the station since she was headed south on Ashland, but she forgot about the stop lights. Then she thought she forgot where the entrance to 90/94 was. At this point I was getting pretty nervous. Finally we find 90/94 at about 4:59. We only had to go about 3 or 4 miles to the exit for Jackson, but unfortunately she didn't see the sign for it. She took the exit after, which probably worked out just as well, and I got to the station at like 5:06. I got on the train at like 5:08. When the dude came by to collect my ticket, he asked what I was doing there. I was like, oh, haha, good one. He's like, 'you're going to Bloomington, I wouldn't have told anybody to get on this train going to Bloomington, everyone here's going to St. Louis. You'll have to get off all the way at the front of the train.' I was like, did I just get lectured by this dude? It was all a moot point because in Bloomington they let off in 2 cars. Besides, the train was packed, so maybe I wandered all the way back there looking for a seat. Anyways, I get off the train, start driving home, FUCK. I left the book I was reading (that wasn't even mine) on the train. So the weekend ended about as well as it began, but there was good stuff in between.

Oh, and in case it wasn't clear, I didn't come into work yesterday.

*I didn't intend for this typo, but it works, and proves how much of an idiot I am.