How to get Bears Super Bowl tickets

Some people may be getting tired of the fuss that fans in Chicago are making about the Bears going to the Super Bowl. Well, I'm not, but I could understand if those non-Bears fans outside of Chicago were getting tired of it. During baseball season, Chicago is divided up into Cubs fans and people who for some reason like the team on the south side of Chicago. So the Bears allow all of Chicago's fans to come together. And Chicago has been desperate for a championship since the great Bulls dynasty of the mid-90's. And you know that White Sox fans are especially desperate since the World Series was cancelled in 2005, resulting in both the Astros and the Sox becoming losers.

But the Bears are back. And with the possibility that this could be the last Bears team to make it to the Super Bowl for a while, fans are trying to do whatever they can to get tickets. People like this dude, a car salesman who will give away any vehicle up to $15,000 for 4 tickets. Or there's this contractor who will install hardwood floors for free.

I don't think these people are going far enough. I don't even think this person is going far enough, but they have the right idea. So it is with that in mind that I would like to list my suggestions for how you should go about getting Super Bowl tickets.

Body Parts - As I said, the person who would give away their kidney for a ticket had the right idea, but I still don't think it's going far enough. What about both kidneys? A kidney and a liver? Appendages? I think at least there should be a two organ minimum if you're going to trade something for a ticket to the Super Bowl. If not, you're just not desperate enough. Or you could just let them harvest your organs when you die. Some people may be too shortsighted for this though.

"I should be a bargaining chip"

Sell your child into slavery - Now I don't have a kid, but I think if I did, and I was that desperate for tickets, I would sell my child into slavery. I think that they would do the same thing to me if our roles were reversed. Of course, some people may not be satisfied with the amount of work a child would do. So you can also sell yourself into slavery. But, be sure to remind them, that a child will get bigger, and will probably be a much better slave than you would ever be.

Sell your body for sex - This one would be an easy one for me. Although you would have to come to an agreement about for how long you would be whoring yourself out. Also, you may want to decide how ugly you're willing to allow yourself to be sold to. The more desperate you are, the uglier you'll go. You also need to decide if you're going to allow yourself to be sold to a member of the same sex. Once you make the decision though, there's no going back. Also, ladies, you may want to bring in one of your friends for help. Not that I condone that sort of thing though. (Note: I totally condone it.) And please ladies: no uglies.

Sell your soul - Now with this one you have a couple of different options. You could write that you sold your soul through a binding contract, and just do it that way. Then, whoever holds the contract holds your soul. Of course, if you do that, you may be holding out hope that your soul really isn't in the contract, and that you still have it. Well, I've got some bad news for you. Or you could just sell your soul. I think I know someone who would be interested.

Commit a crime - You know that everyone thinks about committing crimes, but they're too scared to do it. That's where you come in. Say someone's been conspiring to kill their boss or their co-worker or something. And they just happen to have tickets to the Super Bowl. You take the tickets off their hands, kill the person and destroy the evidence, piece of cake. If, of course, you should happen to be caught, it is up to your discretion whether or not you give their name up to the police for making you kill someone.

So it should really be easy to get tickets to the Super Bowl if you want them. You just have to want them bad enough.