You are a retard

If you think the Bears got their ass kicked this weekend. You are also a retard if you think the Bears got their ass kicked in the Super Bowl by the Colts. In fact, you give me many reasons daily to think you are a retard. I give myself many reasons to think I am retarded also, so this isn't exclusive to just you. But you've forced me to get off-topic.

Listen, the Bears lost to the Chargers. But for anyone to say that Rex Grossman blows or that the Chargers absolutely manhandled the Bears this weekend is totally biased. Now, as a Bears fan, allow me to be unbiased as I break down the game.

Rex Grossman did not lose the game. Rex Grossman didn't even play a shitty game. He had some solid passes, and he had one mistake on a miscommunication play that lead to an interception. He was shaky early, but that definitely did not cost the Bears the game. What cost the Bears the game? Two things: turnovers and shitty play-calling. Again.

I'm not going to flip out about the Bears running backs not having a good game. The Chargers have a stout run defense. In fact, in the past, their pass defense has put up more average numbers than the run defense because they negate the run (and are winning a lot) forcing the other team to pass. And I'm not going to flip out about the fumbles because neither back is particularly fumble-prone. It's not like we have 4 Rashaan Salaam's on the depth chart. (Or three for that matter.)

But the play-calling was weak. Just like the Super Bowl. We couldn't run the ball, but we kept with it. Then when we would string together a couple plays, the momentum would be broken with a stop on a run play. Or, consider late in the game when Grossman completed passes (gasp! It happened!) and the Bears had 2nd and 2. Run, no gain. Run, no gain. 4th and 2. Run, 1 yard gain. You like to think your back could get those yards, but at the same time, asking him to get it again 7 guys in the box when blocking has been fairly weak all game is stupid. Play-calling was unoriginal and bland.

I would also like to point out how many 2 TE sets the Bears ran. I don't know if this was a product of the Bears practicing assuming Greg Olsen would play or not, but this to me seems like a product of playing to the Chargers defense rather than forcing them to adjust to your offense. The Bears have solid WR's. Mark Bradley is supposed to have a breakout year. And yet we barely run any 3WR sets, let alone 4. Run a quick slant with a spread offense. Force the Chargers to adjust their game plan. It's nice to beat them at their own game, but why not get creative?

Supposedly the punt that sucked hit the cable that carries the camera across the field. It blows, but both teams had to deal with it, so those are just the breaks. You know what else is the breaks? Missed calls. So fucking deal with it retard. Besides, there were a ton of missed holding calls (including when Lorenzo Neal clotheslined Mike Brown, which, coincidentally, was the play he was injured on) so it evens out. Even Troy Aikman pointed out that it should have been a penalty. Quit bitching.

So the Chargers get the ball and go 28 yards or whatever on 4 plays. But they score on a trick play. How does that show dominance? The fact that they had similar numbers in the first half? Yes, absolutely dominant. The only portion of the game that the Chargers dominated was time of possession in the 2nd half (due to always getting the ball on turnovers) and getting into the end zone.

So if it was the Colts or Patriots playing the Chargers and losing the game like this, does that mean that they're by far much worse teams than the Chargers? Why because it's an NFC team does it mean that the Bears, and the NFC, blow? The home team fucking won. It's not a foreign concept.

I'm not trying to say that the Chargers didn't beat the Bears, or that the Bears got screwed over. The Bears didn't execute, the Chargers did. But don't act like Grossman blew the game when he did all he was given with the weak playcalling. The Sex Cannon wasn't slinging laserwads to the Chargers all game. He saved them for all of the choice San Diego poon. And it's not the Bears fault that the refs missed the fucking neutral zone infraction, so cut the shit of calling them cheaters.

*Also, I was entirely sober for this game, so my memories are unclouded by alcohol.

Chicago sports roundup

Because I'm too lazy to really write about anything, I'm just going to make this one all-encompassing post on the Chicago sports scene in the past couple days. At least the relevant scene. Fuck the White Sox.

The Cubs just complete a 4-game series win over the Nationals, and even on scrub day. Jacque Jones gets two meaningless doubles, but can't do shit with men on base OR against lefties. If I were Jacque Jones, and I'd seen my playing time dissipate, I think I would probably try and, you know, improve on my weaknesses. Especially if they're being presented for the world to see on a nightly basis. But, hey, self-improvement is obviously overrated in some people's mind. And he's got about $4.5 million reasons to say fuck it this year, about about another $5 million reasons for next year. So I guess if he's content, then cool. But, you won't be content in Chicago. Dickface.

Also, Cesar Izturis did something last night. He didn't really field to well, and his inability to yield to the 3rd baseman (which is something you learn very early) could have caused serious injury to Ramirez. But, hey, it's not like Ramirez is important to the team at all. Cesar certainly is though. And, did anyone notice, that although Koyie Hill is hitting a stellar .151 (I'm not calling for a replacement, just noting that it's low) Izturis was still put BEHIND him in the order? That's not exactly a vote of confidence.

So those are the Cubs. On to the Bears, who have reopened negotiations with Lance Briggs. Why? Well, probably because Briggs's agent wants to get paid. And the Bears have done a pretty solid job of playing hardball. I mean, sure they're cheap. But this is one issue where I think they're legitimately being cheap. And, honestly, I don't really care any more. I'm sure we can get something solid for Briggs if we trade him, and I doubt we end up letting him sit out 10 games or whatever. Although, if we do, it's his own fucking fault, and I could care less.

Now, the Bulls. In keeping with moves that fuck with my mind, they actually re-signed Nocioni. Now I stated how drafting Noah was reasonable with the liability that was Nocioni on his way out anyways, and a sign and trade with Nocioni would allow Noah to move right in. So now we give Noce a fucking 5 year contract??? When MEMPHIS WANTS HIM. It's not like Memphis has any players we'd be interested in though. They don't have an inside scoring presence who would like to play for a contender and who was very nearly traded to the Bulls (according to rumors) last year. Nope. I'm glad. Because I would feel like that was a missed opportunity to get the superior player, and then we're stuck with the inferior one at a very, very shitty contract. For 5 years. When that inferior player missed a portion of this past year to do a recurring injury anyways. Phew, what a mistake that would have been.

I get that Nocioni for Gasol doesn't happen straight up. You know who else the Bulls don't really need? Ben Gordon. Hell, I think that gives the Grizz too much. There's no way the Bulls do a sign and trade with Nocioni now.

Also, it's not like I hate Nocioni terribly. But where does he fit on this roster when he's making that much? He's not better than Tyrus Thomas. Offensively, yes, but Ty is also, like, fucking 21. And, to repeat, we probably could have gotten Gasol in a trade. But, anyways, back to Nocioni. His +/- is terrible. When he's on the floor we give up points and leads. He'll take the occasional charge, which is probably closer to a flop (but whatever), I just think he is out of place. And he certainly should not be making that kind of money. You know who's definitely out though? Ben Gordon. They don't have the money to have so many untouchable players, yet also be able to extend these guys.

I'm still waiting to be wowed by what the Bulls are doing this summer. And you know what? I don't think I'm going to see it. We're basically taking in the exact same team we had last year. And if we're relying on experience to propel us forward, I think we've seen in the past (i.e. this year) that additional experience is only going to take us so far.

Maybe Luol Deng turns into Michael Jordan and the Bulls begin a dynasty? Yeah, I don't think so either. But, fucking shit, when there are players out there to be had and we just sit back and re-sign Nocioni, that just fucking bothers me. Come on Paxson, impress me here.

Bears stuff

I'm actually starting to get kind of intrigued as to how the Bears are pursuing the whole Lance Briggs thing. I mean, on one hand, you've got the Bears who have Lance Briggs and his bastardized agent by the balls, and on the other hand you've got Lance Briggs acting like a complete bitch.

In an attempt to play fairly with Briggs, Jerry Angelo met with him alone, and I can only assume it was over a romantic candle-lit dinner. Following the formalities and small-talk, Angelo went into business mode. He said he would remove the franchise tag from Briggs next season, as long as Briggs played this entire season. The deal, by the way, is more than fair, since the Bears have every right to put the franchise tag on Briggs AGAIN next year.

So here's the deal. Angelo, like he did with Thomas Jones last year, is trying to make a deal with Briggs to get him to shut his fat fucking mouth, stop his bitching, and next year they'll let him go. Which is something Angelo doesn't need to do. I'm serious, I would love it if the Bears fucked over Briggs again next year.

But now Briggs and his shit-agent are saying that Briggs will play for the Bears in six games next year, and he'll sit out ten, and that constitutes a season under league rules. That means that Briggs will get his money or something. But it doesn't require the Bears to play Miss Bitchpants at all. And, I believe the Bears could choose to suspend/not dress/whatever Briggs's ass if they wanted to for those 6 games. He still gets the money, but he doesn't get to dress or play.

Ultimately what the Bears could do is lower the value of Briggs. By not playing him for one (or even two) years, what team is going to be willing to pay $10 million per season to a dude who hasn't played in two years, and is two years older?

If Briggs would quit his fucking bitching, the Bears would gladly trade him next year, or even possibly let him walk away. But Briggs, while backing down, continues to be a piece of shit about the situation. BECAUSE THERE'S NOTHING HE CAN DO. He can't force the Bears to do anything. He's fucking himself over.

But, rather than deal with this bullshit anymore, the Bears are considering trading him for a top 10 draft pick this year, and possibly a draft pick next year too. The Redskins have been named, and they have the number 6 pick. I would hope that with that pick the Bears could pick a linebacker, but I just haven't paid enough attention to the draft so far to know who would be available.

And just a word of advice to Briggs: It didn't work out too well for T.O. when he complained enough to get traded, and then bitched his new team out, and then got traded again, and now nobody really wants him. Skill only gets you so far, and if you want to be a bitch, then by all means, go for it, but don't expect to keep paying your bills that way.

Anyways, in other news, I read two different reports yesterday about Ian Scott. One said that the Bears were close to re-signing him, the other said that the Falcons were close to signing him. I didn't really know which to believe, but today I read that the Falcons have backed off on him, and I believe we're the only ones in pursuit. This is awesome because I believe that Ian Scott makes the other two tackles better. Add to that we don't know how Tommie Harris is going to come back as far as strength is concerned, and we're not sure what's going to happen to Tank in lockdown.

I think that's about all I've got for now. Hopefully we can just get Briggs out of town and get something back for him, because he's not worth the headache. And then hopefully he'll suck whereever he goes, and then we can all laugh and laugh about it. We'll also get a really awesome pick (or two), and the player (or players) will morph into a better version of Lance Briggs. Like maybe Lance Briggs minus the bitching.

Taken to task: Lance Briggs

I would like to reiterate what I've said before, that I am a big fan of Lance Briggs on the field. When the Bears took him in the THIRD ROUND of the draft, I was like, ok, that's probably a good pick, but in no way did I see it leading to two consecutive Pro Bowls before his initial contract was up.

Since I'm such a fan of Lance Briggs, I would like to offer this piece of advice: Quit being such a bitch. Seriously. Quit it.

Point #1: YOUR agent when you were a rookie negotiated your contract for you. So whose fault is it that you were a restricted free agent this year? Is it the Bears' fault? IS IT? NO. It's YOUR agent's fault. And also possibly yours. Of course, no one had the foresight to see how good you'd be, except for yourself perhaps, but if that's the case, then it's YOUR FAULT you agreed to such a contract stipulation.

Point #2: Because of YOUR contract, the Bears have the right to do whatever they want with you. Because they're working WITHIN THE REALMS of YOUR contract, they could have let you walk for nothing, they could have signed you to an extension, they could have traded you, whatever they wanted. Is it their fault that they chose to do something they were allowed to do? Also, THEY OFFERED YOU AN EXTENSION, and you chose to reject it. Perfectly reasonable on both sides, but don't say they're not doing anything to re-sign you, because we both know that's complete bullshit. And, just as a sidenote, MAYBE PAYING YOU LESS ALLOWS THEM TO IMPROVE THE TEAM THIS SEASON. I know, it's crazy to think that the Bears might be trying to do something else than make you miserable.

Point #3: You say you want to be "the man" somewhere. That's fine, a lot of people want to be the best at something. But did you ever think that maybe it's BECAUSE of Brian Urlacher that you're able to excel so well. I'm not saying you suck by any means. But if a team has to gameplan for 2 Pro Bowl linebackers, as opposed to, say, one, they're going to have to spread out blocking schemes, etc. for 2 linebackers. Whereas if there was only one awesome linebacker, it would be much easier to contain him. Unless he's some sort of freak athlete.

Point #4: Your constant bitching to the media. You say that you're prepared to sit out all season in order to make your point. You'll even take out loans if you need to, because you're sure to get paid next year, right? About that:
1.) You're fucking getting paid $7 million if you play. If you're willing to walk away from that, I would like to simply ask if you're a retarded person.
2.) Did you see the contracts in free agency? Let's do a little math. If you play this season, you make $7 million. If you get a free agent contract within the range of Nate Clements (which you totally should if you don't turn into a shitty player suddenly), you could make $10 million a year. So, let's see, $10 million + 0 = $10 million. $7 million + $10 million = $17 million. I mean, if you're cool with not making any money for a year, then go ahead. And obviously you're not big on team loyalty (not that many people are any more), so why not just sit out.
3.) With all your bitching, you look fucking insane. Remember Maurice Clarett? He sat out a year and came back out of shape. He's now in jail. I'm not saying it will happen to you, but how do you stay in shape when you've got nothing to do for 16 months? And why would a team want someone who's bitching about making $7 million a year?

Point #5: "When I did talk, you guys criticized me." Well no shit genius. Of course people are criticizing you. You're acting like a jackass and a little whiny bitch. Maybe you're right though. Maybe you should be allowed to bitch about the owners not paying you what you want, even though it doesn't seem like you even want to be in Chicago any more. I'm pretty sure the Bears are cool with not paying you and letting you sit out the season if you're going to be a prima donna. If I were to bitch about my job and demand more money, I'd probably get fired. But let's all give you the benefit of the doubt, because the Bears won't give you $10 million more. Fuck you, shut up.

Point #6. Remember Thomas Jones? That other jackass who said he was going to hold out with you last year? He got traded. He worked out a deal with Jerry Angelo where he would get traded following the 2006 season if he played the season hard. And did you see TJ getting his carries, and respect? Angelo is obviously true to his word.

Awww, but you want more money? TOUGH SHIT. The Bears have every right to slap the franchise tag on you. It's your own fault you're being a pussy about it. My only concern right now is that if the Bears were to trade you, they wouldn't get ENOUGH for you back because you're being such a whiny bitch. Maybe you should just shut your fucking mouth and stay focused on football. Don't worry, we'll be ok without you.

Bears grumblings

Last week I made a post about possible moves and stuff that the Bears could do. Well, we're a week further along in the offseason, so why don't I reflect on what's going on with the Bears now. You care what I think, right? Right?!

First, the Bears slapped the big fat franchise tag on Lance Briggs, which we all knew they'd do. At least right away. They had a coaching extension that was their top priority to take care of, And then after that maybe they'd renegotiate some contracts.

Well, now Briggs is pissed off. He's got the franchise tag, so no teams can offer him a contract without giving up a first-round pick as compensation. Regardless of how good a player is, very few teams are going to give up a first round pick.

But, whatever. Briggs is seeing these contracts and I think he's getting pissed off because he knows the money is out there for him. He also is probably pretty concerned about the Bears opening up their checkbooks in order to give him the money he feels he deserves. And his agent is first-class prick Drew Rosenhaus. Rosenhaus has to be telling Briggs that he can get a deal better than Nate Clements (thanks for that one 49ers), because he totally should be able to.

So Briggs either wants the tag removed or he wants to be traded. There is no way I think the Bears do this. It's not their style to renegotiate contracts when they don't need to. And I'm not sure that the Bears have decided whether or not Briggs is in the long-term plans or not. He's doing a good job of making the decision easier though by being a jackass about the whole thing.

Listen, I like Lance Briggs. He was an absolute steal in the draft. While some times I personally feel like his tackling is questionable, his ability to be in the right place at the right time is pretty amazing.

Briggs says he loves Chicago the team, but not Chicago the management. So, basically, he loves the Bears, but hates the front office. Join the club Briggsy. But he's pretty much acting like a dick right now. He's in line for a huge raise because of the franchise tag, but he's too impatient to wait for it.

If the Bears don't give Briggs what he wants, the only reasonable thing I can see him doing is holding out. Because Rosenhaus will tell him to. Prick. If not, Briggs will play just as hard as always to make sure he gets the big payday (and next year he'd get even MORE money with how the market has ridiculously blown up this year). But I probably see the Bears just letting him complain, doing nothing about it, possibly while he holds out, then probably letting him walk next year. Briggs should just man up and play out his contract. Seriously, I'm pretty sick of the whining about it.

The Briggs news came right around the same time that I found out that the Bears had traded Thomas Jones and their 2nd round pick to the Jets for the Jets 2nd round pick. I was really excited when I saw "The Bears have agreed to trade Thomas Jones..." and then I was waiting for the player they were going to get back and I saw "and the 2nd round draft pick..." and then I saw the rest.

I do not know how to feel about this. Basically we get two picks close to each other, which we could possibly package and trade up (like 4 spots at most probably).

I think I'm disappointed with this, mainly because we're getting virtually nothing in return. Well, that's not true. But we're getting potential as opposed to impact. Why couldn't we get a DT, since we'll probably be losing at least one. And the Bears love depth. Also, I kind of look at this like Jerry Angelo is so confident in his ability to scout and recognize potential that he's confident he can get just as good of a player at 37 (I think that's the pick we get) as Thomas Jones, a former top 10 pick. Is it possible?

Well, as we all know, I personally felt that TJ was overrated. I don't think he did anything that Cedric Benson couldn't do. And now that Benson is the feature back, I think Benson will show that he can be just as good (or better) than TJ.

But let us also not forget that TJ's accomplishments in the past two years were a product of an absolutely amazing offensive line and an offense with a.) pretty incapable QB's for almost an entire season, b.) a QB who was very streaky, c.) a dedication to the running game. His yards/carry, while fairly solid at 4.1, is nothing that can't be achieved by most other capable RB's in the league. So the problem is just making sure that we have other capable RB's.

However, I am kind of disappointed that we couldn't trick people into thinking those stats were outstanding. I think that's why we didn't get more for Jones.

Ultimately, I'm ok with the trade, aside from being slightly disappointed. Assuming Benson can stay healthy, I expect him to be just as good as Jones. I also wouldn't be surprised if the Bears drafted a speed running back later, just sort of as a change of pace.

One final note: Lovie Smith said he didn't want to trade Thomas Jones. This is a firm reminder to Smith, following his contract extension, that while his opinion is possibly valued, he is not the GM of this team, and he will not be the decider in who stays and goes. I'm not sure how I feel about that. But I'm glad TJ is gone.

Continue to Bear down

So, the NFL offseason has been underway for a while, but only recently has speculation risen about who is actually going to be an unrestricted free agent, and who will get the franchise tag, and who the Bears will get and their draft-plan and whatnot. And I was reading some things today that had me worried.

First, we gave Lance Briggs the franchise tag. I'm totally cool with this, as it lays the groundwork for a big raise next year, should he not hold out like that Rosenhaus prick will almost certainly tell him to do. And the Bears don't really negotiate contracts unless we're tying up someone long-term (see Azumah, Terry, and McQuarters, R.W.) before they hit the market. Man, what was with those deals. Anyways, if things don't work out with Briggs after this season is over, I see us picking up a linebacker in the draft who will have a year to learn behind one of the best linebackers in the game right now.

Now I've seen articles that the Bears should re-negotiate a deal for Thomas Jones so he doesn't end up going somewhere else when he becomes a free agent. That's just a stupid idea. I realize that Jones performed pretty well last year, but I stand by my argument of "who wouldn't have?" The Bears continued to jam the run down people's throat, and usually it worked. It worked in the Super Bowl until the Bears went away from it, for some unknown reason. But tell me that Jones is a better back than Benson. It's not true. Jones doesn't break tackles, he's not very fast, and he's not a hard runner. He relies on his ability to slip through guys' hands, and the occasional reversal, or he goes down. I contend that Benson can be our first back, Adrian Peterson can be our second, and we can draft and/or sign someone for our third and also special teams. And we can probably get something decent for Jones by trading him.

I also saw that the Bears could be very interested in trading for Adam Archuleta. This is dumb. Dumb dumb dumb. We've got two solid young safeties who have Super Bowl experience. Archuleta had a great reputation for run defense, but people knew he was kind of a liability in coverage. Well, that blew up this past season, when he was basically held out on any sort of passing downs and coverage schemes. Tell me why we would want a safety like that in our Cover 2 secondary? Huge mistake. Plus, he's fucking expensive. And there's nobody I would give up for him. Not even Thomas Jones. So what do we do? Well, if Mike Brown is on his way out, we draft a safety. Look at our history with safeties lately. Mike Green managed to play his way into a nickelback role his first year, and started his second year. Then he was beat out by rookie Chris Harris. Who was then beat out by rookie Danieal Manning. I think if Manning has an offseason to learn strong safety, he may be better suited for it than Chris Harris.

Now let's go to the defensive line. We're probably going to lose at least one tackle in free agency. And it's possible we could lose two. I know that we drafted Dusty Dvorachek last year, and I really thought that was going to be a steal, but then we heard nothing more from him. So early in the draft this year, say, second round, we take a tackle. Do tackles last that long? Or is it more of a "early or late, nothing in between" deal? Anyways, we don't know what's going to happen with Tank Johnson as it is, but we need a backup plan.

I would really like to add some offense at some point this offseason. I like our receivers, but that's not to say I don't think we could get BETTER. Or we could add a better tight end behind Desmond Clark. I don't care.

So here's what I think we need to address in the draft.
1. Offensive line. We're old and getting older. And if we can't bring in Eric Steinbach, we need some youth. And depth.
2. Defensive Tackle.
3. Linebacker.
4. Running back/safety
5. Cornerback.
6. Marcus Colston type receiver. What, that's not delusional, is it?
7. Grab-bag.

The Bears really don't have a whole lot that they need to fill. They've done a pretty solid job of building depth, especially on defense, through the draft, but now we need to make sure we don't lose any of that depth for a long time. And if we can also fill some holes on offense or at least increase production, then there's absolutely no reason we shouldn't be favorites in the NFC. Well, we won't be, as long as the Saints are in the NFC, and maybe even the Giants. Or Seahawks. But we know the truth.

Trust me, I don't care what you think

First day back to work after the Super Bowl. You know what? I'm not happy about it. Probably not a surprise though. Anyways, I've been here less than an hour and I've heard two incorrect opinions about the game on Sunday. And I've read a couple more that, while probably not incorrect, I disagree with. So here's a final wrap-up of the Bears season. And then I'll probably get too depressed and start crying when I finish. Ok, that's gay, I won't.

I do not argue that Rex could have performed much, much better. But I also don't really think he was ever put in a position to succeed following that first TD he threw. How could we consistently end up in a 3rd and long situation every time? Following that first TD he threw, it seemed like the Bears weren't really interested in winning the game. Or scoring. Or staying competitive.

Losing Benson hurt us big time. He's a punishing runner, and he changes the pace from Thomas Jones, who, shouldn't be starting. Well, we saw how ineffective TJ can be when he's the sole feature back. And I thought it was a great coaching decision to stay with an ineffective Jones. I know running early can set up the run later, but it's also nice to run effectively every once in a while. At least Adrian Peterson stayed on the sideline though. I'd rather not have someone at least able to provide a spark.

And what was the deal with the fumbles? Lost snaps, dropped passes. You can't blame the fumbles, aside from the snaps, on Grossman. Basically everything I thought the Bears would excel in they didn't, and everything I expected from the Colts playing in the rain actually happened to the Bears. Not that I think the outcome would have been different without rain necessarily, but whatever.

I'm just really sick of everyone saying that Rex completely cost the Bears the game. We've had this discussion pretty much since the Arizona game. He was the only QB who could have won that game. Not fucking Brian Griese. Maybe Kyle Orton. But with that playcalling, there aren't too many QB's who can win the game. We've seen before that Rex struggles trying to do too much. So let's just let put him in situations where it's easy for him to do too much. That can't end badly at all. Nah.

Fuck that. I've complained about playcalling before, and I'll probably continue to do it. We know Rex can't do everything. But seriously, you think Brian Griese can? Rex was outplayed by Peyton, just like we expected he would be. But who would have thought that the Colts defense would have played so well? Or, perhaps not well, but at least adequately? Not me, that's for sure.

How to get Bears Super Bowl tickets

Some people may be getting tired of the fuss that fans in Chicago are making about the Bears going to the Super Bowl. Well, I'm not, but I could understand if those non-Bears fans outside of Chicago were getting tired of it. During baseball season, Chicago is divided up into Cubs fans and people who for some reason like the team on the south side of Chicago. So the Bears allow all of Chicago's fans to come together. And Chicago has been desperate for a championship since the great Bulls dynasty of the mid-90's. And you know that White Sox fans are especially desperate since the World Series was cancelled in 2005, resulting in both the Astros and the Sox becoming losers.

But the Bears are back. And with the possibility that this could be the last Bears team to make it to the Super Bowl for a while, fans are trying to do whatever they can to get tickets. People like this dude, a car salesman who will give away any vehicle up to $15,000 for 4 tickets. Or there's this contractor who will install hardwood floors for free.

I don't think these people are going far enough. I don't even think this person is going far enough, but they have the right idea. So it is with that in mind that I would like to list my suggestions for how you should go about getting Super Bowl tickets.

Body Parts - As I said, the person who would give away their kidney for a ticket had the right idea, but I still don't think it's going far enough. What about both kidneys? A kidney and a liver? Appendages? I think at least there should be a two organ minimum if you're going to trade something for a ticket to the Super Bowl. If not, you're just not desperate enough. Or you could just let them harvest your organs when you die. Some people may be too shortsighted for this though.

"I should be a bargaining chip"

Sell your child into slavery - Now I don't have a kid, but I think if I did, and I was that desperate for tickets, I would sell my child into slavery. I think that they would do the same thing to me if our roles were reversed. Of course, some people may not be satisfied with the amount of work a child would do. So you can also sell yourself into slavery. But, be sure to remind them, that a child will get bigger, and will probably be a much better slave than you would ever be.

Sell your body for sex - This one would be an easy one for me. Although you would have to come to an agreement about for how long you would be whoring yourself out. Also, you may want to decide how ugly you're willing to allow yourself to be sold to. The more desperate you are, the uglier you'll go. You also need to decide if you're going to allow yourself to be sold to a member of the same sex. Once you make the decision though, there's no going back. Also, ladies, you may want to bring in one of your friends for help. Not that I condone that sort of thing though. (Note: I totally condone it.) And please ladies: no uglies.

Sell your soul - Now with this one you have a couple of different options. You could write that you sold your soul through a binding contract, and just do it that way. Then, whoever holds the contract holds your soul. Of course, if you do that, you may be holding out hope that your soul really isn't in the contract, and that you still have it. Well, I've got some bad news for you. Or you could just sell your soul. I think I know someone who would be interested.

Commit a crime - You know that everyone thinks about committing crimes, but they're too scared to do it. That's where you come in. Say someone's been conspiring to kill their boss or their co-worker or something. And they just happen to have tickets to the Super Bowl. You take the tickets off their hands, kill the person and destroy the evidence, piece of cake. If, of course, you should happen to be caught, it is up to your discretion whether or not you give their name up to the police for making you kill someone.

So it should really be easy to get tickets to the Super Bowl if you want them. You just have to want them bad enough.

Super Bear down

What an amazing game for the Bears yesterday. At the beginning of this season, I actually never thought that the Bears would seriously make the Super Bowl, although, of course, it was something I was hoping for. It's just that since I've been alive and able to understand the concept of sports (and stop using diapers, which, surprisingly, only recently occurred) the only team that I've ever expected to win a championship has been the Bulls. Sure in 2003 I hoped the Cubs would make the World Series in 2003, and once the Illini started kicking ass 2004-2005 they were the best team in the nation and I knew they'd make the championship game. But, hands down, beginning to end of the season World Champion expectations only come from the Bulls. Hell, the Bears have barely been able to scrap their way to a playoff win that I can remember.

But yesterday was such an awesome game on so many levels.

First, special teams was much improved. To get a turnover (Adrian Peterson is terribly underutilized on offense, but he has almost as much impact on special teams) was absolutely huge. Not only that, the coverage (on kickoffs especially) was much improved, Hester failed to fumble any kicks, and even Brad Maynard had a pretty awesome day. He did have some terrible kicks, but, as opposed to last week where he really only had 2 good kicks, he had AT LEAST 3 absolutely stellar kicks. And Robbie Gould was automatic all day.

Second, blitz protection was much better. Rex on the whole had more time to throw than he did against the Seahawks, and I think that is both a credit to the offensive line and to Cedric Benson's improvement and increase playing time.

I think playcalling was weak in the first half, especially in the first quarter. It was pretty weak all the way up until Rex overthrew Desmond Clark in the endzone. That play was perfect, and Rex just missed it. From that point on though, aside from the final two plays on that drive, the playcalling was much improved. There was, of course, the mix up at the end of the first half, and game management continues to be a weak point for either Rex, Lovie, or both, not to mention lining up with three seconds left in the first quarter, but those ultimately didn't screw us over. I guess, let me make an addendum to the playcalling. We absolutely blew in the third quarter. We get the safety, then go three and out. Our defense was the game saver in the third quarter, because offensively we played like we weren't interested in scoring any more. So, I guess if you take into account the second and fourth quarters, and parts of the first, playcalling was much improved. Or, maybe it wasn't really that improved.

But the use of both Jones and Cedric Benson was amazing. Jones was obviously ineffective on the first drive. Benson, however, was not. It seems as if the coaching staff finally realized that mixing the two up made them that much more dangerous. I think it's rare to see a player with the power of Benson who also has breakaway speed combined with a player who has the elusiveness of TJ. I still don't like him, but shit he ran well yesterday. I love mixing the two backs up.

The defensive line was just a beast yesterday. Mark Anderson continues to make Jerry Angelo look like a fucking genius, and he is just all over the place. Getting to Brees so early in the game I think was a huge factor. It was a huge momentum swing. But it wasn't just that. The line stepped up time and time again, getting TWO intentional grounding calls and overall just giving Brees more pressure than he'd seen in a while.

I think it speaks volumes about this team's versatility in that either the offense or the defense can provide a lift when the other needs it. Towards the end of the season the defense started to struggle, yet the Bears managed to win. Yesterday, the third quarter was basically non-existent for the Bears offense, and yet after that safety everything turned completely around. Well, a couple of drives after that for the offense. But with the defensive momentum came the offensive.

I for one am totally cool with being underdogs to the Colts. We were underdogs to the Saints; look how that turned out. Here's what we know about the Colts: their run defense has been pretty weak, although very solid in the playoffs. Can that continue? Also, we know that their ends are strong, but their tackles can be pretty weak. We also know that they have amazing receivers, which could play to our weakness. But, at least in my opinion, the Colts are really soft, as were the Saints receivers. If they come out and get lit up once or twice, that could impact the game in a huge way.

I'm not going to speculate much on the Super Bowl because there's tons of time for that. I was just so impressed with the way the Bears came out and took the lead early yesterday, and then, while initially letting the Saints back in, the closed the door big time. It probably helped that we could run all over them, but I'm not so sure we can't do the same thing to the Colts.

Holy shit, the Bears are in the Super Bowl.

More profanity on TV this week involving a Saints game?

Hopefully most everyone has seen the picture of the lady in the shirt that said "Fuck da Eagles" on national television. That is, if no one saw it live. Which leads me to question whether or not Bears fans will try to sneak profanity onto the screen this week when the Bears play the Saints. Of course, it's not like that lady was trying to sneak anything onto the screen, aside from maybe her abdomen. We were watching the game, I was drunk, and it was like, uh did I just see that?

So anyways, I thought I would string together some of my thoughts on the Bears game. And, obviously, I'm way behind schedule since I didn't work yesterday and I'm too lazy to actually post things while at home. Well, in many cases at least. It gives me something to do at work.

Anyways, first things first, the correct Rex Grossman showed up on Sunday. And when I say correct, I mean for Bears fans. Fuck the Seahawks fans. That bomb he threw to Bernard Berrian was just immaculate. I almost cried tears of beautiful, beautiful joy when I saw that. Ok, who am I kidding, of course I cried.

And, again, Cedric Benson was underused. I'm not going to say that Thomas Jones did poorly, except there are absolutely a couple instances when he did. But Benson is just the better runner. And you see it time and time again, when each one gets in the open field. Thomas Jones is completely unable to make anyone miss. He also runs out of bounds. Meanwhile, Cedric Benson runs through guys. There were a couple different times that it took at least 3 guys to get him down. You will never see that from TJ.

The drops were big for the receivers. Specifically Muhammed's drop was the worst, because it took us out of range for everything. Then, coming back from that pick, we go absolutely nowhere. Which brings me to my next point:

Where the fuck did the playcalling go? It was absolute shit for most of the second half. It seemed like the entire game we were simply content to have any lead over the Seahawks. There was no urgency in playcalling to go up by any more points. I just can't understand how we seemed to score so easily on one drive, then have maybe 2 go for like 20 yards each until 3 consecutive shit-called plays. And how were we ok with going into OT without even taking a shot? The Seahawks had a terrible secondary and we did shit to expose it. It was amazing that in the OT we FINALLY chose to run a seam-route. And what about not letting Gould kick a 49 yard field go? If you're going to pooch it, you might as well just take the delay of game, put your punter in, and knock them inside the 10. The conservative playcalling is just so confusing when it shows up. You can play to not lose or you can play to win. Run up the score. Who cares.

And what about Maynard? His game was shitty. The best punt he had all day was a touchback. I'll take that back, I think his first punt was good too. The rest, though, were shit. Hester sucked (for the most part) too. He had the return called back, but other than that, there were the 3 or so kicks he muffed. That will need to change.

In addition, we also need to remember that Tillman should have been able to take the interception back for a TD. If he gets that pick, the game changes completely. Anyways, as it is, we won, and now we've got the Saints.

So what do we need to work on.

Special teams obviously. Gould was fine, but no one else was.

Pass coverage. There were too many times that the Seahawks just looked to move the ball effortlessly against our secondary. Luckily for us, if we could hold them to 3rd and short they couldn't do shit. The Saints are gonna come with 5-wide, multiple looks, it's going to be tough. We need to look at exactly what the Redskins did to beat them and copy it exactly.

Blitz pickups. Grossman needs to learn to hold onto the ball until he's ready to throw it. It flops out of his hands too often. But so many times the Seahawks brought Tatupu off the end right into Grossman's face and he had no time to get rid of the ball. Sidenote: How about that Benson block. If a linebacker goes high, you make him pay for it. It sucked to see him come down wrong, but still, that's what you get when you go high on Benson.

Running game. Seriously, this doesn't need much work. I suggest we make Benson #1, Peterson #2 (he's more explosive and probably just as slippery as TJ) and trade Jones. Ok, so that's not feasible right now, and probably won't ever happen, we at least need to make Benson #1.

Blitzing. Why do the Bears never blitz any more? I admit, when we had Tommie Harris and Tank on the line, we didn't really need to, but a lot of the time we don't get the pressure on the QB that we used to. And if blitzing can cause a QB to struggle (see: Grossman, Rex) why not do it? I loved seeing Urlacher come through and smoke Hasselbeck. Let's see it more often.

The Saints definitely scare me, because their offense is so potent. I just hope the style of play maintains at such a high level, and I'll definitely be more ok with a loss than if we get blown out. But to say that I'll be ok with a loss is probably a fat lie.

Did you hear Rex didn't play well?

Sunday afternoon is the matchup that most of us in Illinois have been waiting two weeks for. And no, I'm not talking about the D-III matchup of Chicago at perennial D-III powerhouse Case Western Reserve, although I don't think I'm alone in saying that I will most definitely be Tivoing that game*. I'm actually talking about the Chicago Bears vs. the Seattle Seahawks.

Finally, after weeks of speculation about which Rex Grossman will show up, we will get to drop it and watch what happens. I for one couldn't be happier. Also, sidenote, I guess I'm glad Mariotti is ok or whatever, but it's been nice to not have him giving his bullshit opinions on this game. So now for my bullshit opinion!

We all know what happened the last time these two teams met in Soldier Field. The Bears stomped the shit out of the Seahawks. It was a severe and efficient beating. Of course, the Seahawks were missing Shaun Alexander, and we all know about the weakness the Bears have shown recently against the run. But, then again, the Bears had strong showings against the run in the final 4 games, after their worst performance against the run against the Vikings. Which they still won.

And, also, let's not forget the Seahawks also lost to the 49ers and the Cardinals, two teams the Bears 'beat' (I use the term 'beat' loosely when referring to the Cardinals, but we beat the pants off of the 49ers).

So does Shaun Alexander make that much of a difference? Perhaps. But the Seahawks were forced to abandon the run early against the Bears in the last matchup. If they don't have to abandon the run, then it might make a difference. The Seahwaks only had 77 yards rushing against the Bears last game, and 19 of those came on one Matt Hasselbeck run. The Bears also had a stronger interior line than they have now. The rushing will be something to monitor.

Also in the last game, Matt Hasselbeck pretty much blew. He didn't blow by Rex Grossman standards or anything, but it wasn't pretty. 2 picks, no touchdowns, and under 200 yards, plus he got owned by Ricky Manning Jr. Hopefully the Bears will have a healthy secondary for the first time in a while (minus Mike Brown obviously), so Hasselbeck could still have a tough time out there.

As for the Bears, I think Cedric Benson should get the start. Thomas Jones does not appear to be running any stronger, and if anything, I think he may be fading. And Cedric Benson is continuing his improvement. I've never been an advocate of T.J., but I see Benson as the better alternative, especially earlier in the game, as he has more power to run into the defensive line as opposed to jump, twirl, and fall backward for 2 yards. Seriously, Benson is a more punishing runner and I see this helping wear down the defense earlier than if Thomas Jones were in and sucking. Seriously, I think Jones should be number 3 RB. I hate him. But I digress.

Now, when it comes to Grossman, there's been speculation out the ass and I am so sick of it. It's basically been the same story for about the past 4 or 5 weeks. Which Rex shows up? He's already shown that he can win a game. As to whether or not I believe him about why he sucked so badly for the Packers game, I'm not really sure. But it's a moot point. It wasn't very professional, but big deal. If there was one thing the Packers game showed us, it's that the argument for Griese over Grossman is moot because Griese was almost just as bad. Granted, he did throw the ball further than I thought he was capable of on the TD pass to Bradley, but that doesn't make up for his 2 picks.

Grossman can win a game, he's already beaten the Seahawks, and the Seahawks have a patchwork secondary. I also think they may be missing other important players on their defense, I'm not positive. Regardless, the defense was healthy when Rex beat them last time. So I give the advantage to the Bears here. Also, I will point out again: the Seahawks lost to the Cardinals and 49ers (twice).

It's no surprise I pick the Bears here. The combination of the Seahawks pretty much backing into the playoffs, even though they won last week, in addition to the previous matchup going in the Bears favor makes me think this is a pretty easy pick. Also, on the injury front, the Bears have the upper hand as only two players are missing, as opposed to almost the entire secondary for the Seahawks. Plus, while I think Shaun Alexander makes a slight difference, I don't see him being a game changer.

And if Grossman has anything close to the game he had against the Seahawks the first game, the Bears win by at least 2 touchdowns.

*Just kidding, no one has any rooting interest in that D-III game and I would actually be offended if it were possible to Tivo it.

Uh, Bears, stop sucking

I didn't manage to watch the entire game yesterday, as I had to drive home to meet my parents for dinner. I watched the first half though, and then I listened to the rest in my car on the drive. So that was like 2 hours of football when I was expecting less than 90 minutes.

And I was not impressed. I mean, I started out impressed. And the game was 21-3 at halftime. I was fully prepared to enjoy listening to a rout in the second half until the game became so much of a blowout that I would just listen to my iPod.

Anyways, here are some problems that I have.

First, I have no idea what the situation will turn out to be with Tank Johnson. But we were already short with Tommie Harris out, so we'll be hurting for however long Tank is gone. And I appreciate Ian Scott and Alfonso Boone as much as any players who don't start at DT, but they didn't start for a reason. I'm assuming they're going to get less respect, which will lead to less of a pass rush as the guys on the outside get double teamed. So unless we come up with some creative blitzes, people are going to be able to take time and make passes.

Second, what is the deal with Ricky Manning? He got burnt twice. Of course, I didn't see the plays, so I don't know what the safety situation or anything like that was. But, come on. Burnt twice. That is unacceptable. We've got Vasher out, and Charles Tillman is playing pretty banged up. And Devin Hester is our 4th CB. If Manning can't cover, then we gave him all that money in the off-season for nothing.

Third, why is Thomas Jones still getting the bulk of the rushing? It has been statistically proven (I read somewhere that someone had crunched the numbers) and he is not, in fact, any better at picking up blitzes than Cedric Benson. Cedric Benson is a more aggressive runner, and he's a more punishing runner. Having him in early could help wear down a defense. And you never see Benson leaving his feet as he jumps backwards into a pile like you see from Thomas Jones. Keep that shit on the sideline. And, then yesterday we see Adrian Peterson perform. Maybe Thomas Jones isn't full-strength right now. But we have better options than a sore T.J.

Fourth, what's up Devin Hester? People are comparing you to the best returners in the history of the game, you need to hold on to the damn ball. Especially in crunch time. And crunch time is every single game we're not up by 40 points. I can see one fumble being an accident. Perhaps even two. But, come on, hold on to the damn ball. Look at what happened to Bobby Wade.

Along the same special teams lines, what about Brad Maynard? His best punts were early in the game, and the ones in crunch time sucked. I was not impressed.

Finally, I am extremely disappointed in the play-calling down the stretch. We get the ball with over a minute left and all of our time outs, and we just eat it? This after we have gone three and out twice due to conservative playcalling, meanwhile we can barely stop their offense. Their shitty shitty offense. So we eat it, and we get the ball in great position in OT. We run the ball twice, only to kick it on third down. True, the FG should have been made, but it wasn't. We could have, you know, tried to get a first down or something.

I think the defense will play much better, and there was absolutely no gameplan for Rattay coming in at QB. At least I wouldn't think so. And I assume that most of what happened yesterday can be corrected. And, I wouldn't think that the defense is something you need to worry about in the future. It was kind of a trap game yesterday.

Should it have even been close? No way in hell. But you know what? Nothing matters any more for a month. So let's get everybody healthy and then beat some ass in the playoffs. Besides, you know that the Bears should win that first game pretty easily, so the only real competition should be in the NFC Championship. Piece of cake.