I forget things

This weekend was not your typical weekend in Peoria, but, then again, my typical weekends in Peoria are spent indoors with the lights off, shades drawn and a gun by my side as I peer out my window between the shades. Oh, and there may or may not be alcohol there. But this was Internation Beerfest weekend, so there was really no way it could be typical anyways.

Friday started out with me leaving work at 6:15. Hey, that's exciting. I had to stop and pick up some extra Captain on the way home, and I believe I saw one guy walking the street who already was outrageously intoxicated. Good times. I was actually kind of jealous of him though, not for being in the street, but for being intoxicated. But I digress. I got home, had a small dinner and showered so I could get my drink on. Streets and Bootz got to Peoria around 8:45, and they seemed to have made pretty good time. I was not yet completely drunk by the time they got there, but I was well, well on my way. So I continued drinking, they began drinking, and we all started getting drunk. The night is actually really hazy after that. I don't remember leaving my apartment too well, but I do remember getting to 4play. I believe we got there and it was pretty empty. I have no idea what time this was by the way. So we sat down, and we kept drinking obviously. Then there was a whole lot of empty space in my memory. I think the three of us were dancing, and then I think the two chicks went to the bathroom, leaving me by myself. That was great. I was grabbed by some chick and asked if I wanted to dance. Why the hell not? So when Bootz and Streets walked out of the bathroom, I was dancing with some chick no one knew. Somehow I wandered away from her or something though, and I was back in the clear. Um, there was more dancing I guess, and then we left around 2:30 or so. AND WE DIDN'T GO TO BIG AL'S. Hugely disappointing. Anyways, we crossed the street over to Hoops for some kickass pizza. Streets ordered and paid, and I remember ordering a beer. Then we found a table and sat, waiting for our pizza. For some reason, Streets decided to take a string of 28 pictures of Bootz and myself, while we did nothing spectacular. I went to check on the pizza, and like two minutes later it came. So we marched back to my place (not actual marching, at least that I can remember), and at one point Bootz carried the pizza on her head. I don't know why either. We got back, and everyone had pizza I think, and there were phone calls made, I think. Bootz was adamant about me getting out my futon mattress for her to sleep on, and I don't think anyone knows why that happened either.

Woke up the next day before 10 I think. I'm pretty sure. We were all very hungover, and there was much Tylenol to be had. After the chicks took a short nap, we all went to eat at Buffalo Wild Wings. It wsa not as enjoyable as possible, probably mostly due to the intense much smell we were getting. No one was feeling too hot afterwards, and this was a problem in part due to the fact that we were going to try many various kinds of beer with no break in between, and some of them were going to be bad. We took a cab to the IBF, but we had to wait like 10 minutes for it, so we waited outside. Just sitting on the bench behind us was none other than Sergio McClain, who I had met previously at 4play. While drunk. I fought the urge to go talk to him, mainly because I had nothing to talk about besides looking like an idiot. Our cab driver there was particularly special. She took us a long, roundabout way, and she made various types of conversation. I will not go into the topics of conversation; suffice to say they were mainly about this crazy lady's problems. At the beerfest, there were roughly 12 beers tried by each person, althought there were some repeats, even after the rules were explained. We probably left around 6:30 or 7 back to my place, when we got a nice cab for the ride back home. Then we headed to get some dinner, and we saw like 10 people who we'd seen earlier at the Beerfest. We walked to Martini's, had a drink there, and we were going to have another but the waitress never came back, so we walked back home, I drank, then we headed out for a night of boredom at 4play. There was seriously no one there until like 12:30, and we left at like 1:30. There were no other shenanigans in the night, except that we watched like 20 minutes of Cursed, a terrible, terrible movie.

That was pretty much the weekend. Streets and Bootz had to leave early, so there were no further adventures. It started off awesome, minus Big Al's though, and it ended pretty boring. I guess that's the risk you run when you drink various beers all day though, and then no one goes out at night. Still, it was way better than any other weekend in Peoria though.

I declare shenanigans

I will say directly off the bat that I did not see very much of the Bulls-Heat game on Saturday, mainly because I was busy indulging in massive amounts of microbrewery/international beers. However, I call shenanigans on every person who is bitching about the refs in the game.

First off, Shaq should quit being such a whiny bitch. Contact is contact, and just because he usually (and probably will) gets those calls at home doesn't mean that he's going to get them on the road. I would like to point everyone to the series last year between the Bulls and the Heat. The Bulls couldn't win in Miami because they got fucked over by the referees, and then, surprise, the Bulls could win when they were getting the calls at home. I'm not saying it's right or it's fair, but that's the way it is.

Second, fuck you Heat. It's bullshit to claim an entire loss is due to referees. They can make it harder to overcome in the long-run, and provide some extra tense moments in games, but to say you lost a game ENTIRELY due to the referees is complete bullshit. Why can't you blame it on Luol Deng making a bitch out of everyone? Because that's what he did.

Third, who's to say that the reputation of the Heat don't precede them, especially when they play the Bulls. James Posey doesn't exactly make the cleanest fouls when he plays the Bulls. This can be evidenced by any of the times that he was ejected after a hard foul in previous matchups. Fuck James Posey. It's not our fault that he plays dirty. (Very objective statement, feel free to ignore. But what you cannot ignore is two ejections.)

The Heat got outplayed. Sure Shaq was in foul trouble, but wait until the games are played in Miami and the roles are completely reversed, with Ben Wallace in foul trouble and Shaq only having two fouls. You know it's going to happen to. Then what will it be a product of? Enough bitching by the Heat to get their way? The referees "realizing" that the Bulls are "fouling" numerous players on the Heat? Or the fac that the Heat have the home-court?

It's obviously the last one. Regardless, the Bulls will win, the Heat will complain, and no one will matchup with Luol Deng.

Happy Pot Day Bitches

I would say that my fondest memory of 420 would have to be from my senior year of high school. I went to a small high school, and it was located on the edge of a really rural town, so we were surrounded by a lot of cornfields and stuff.

For the last period of the day, I had Advanced Biology, and our teacher was pretty young, so she was pretty informal. She told us that we could either stay inside and take notes (it was a Friday, and that actually makes me feel pretty fucking old) or we could go outside and do roadside cleanup for the Adopt-A-Highway bullshit. We chose the latter since it was a nice day. Well, at one point while we were out there, our teacher told us to be on the lookout for an unmarked white van. Apparently, one had driven past the elementary school (very nearby) two or three times and had been reported to the police. So our teacher was apparently cool with us getting kidnapped and taken to be sodomized as long as she didn't have to put together some sort of after-school or weekend roadside cleanup activity. But, hell, we were outside, and it was a pretty nice day, so we complained, but we could have complained a lot more. We lost 2 kids out of our class that day, but I'll be damned if that road wasn't slightly cleaner by the time we finished.

So let's see who or what is on notice this week:

New this week:

Technology. FUUUUUUUUCK. I've tried typing this bitch out twice now, and it keeps fucking closing on me. Thanks for that technology. Add to the fact that my TV screen keeps resizing itself at the edges. It's difficult to explain, but basically I see it happen and I begin to think I'm having seizures. Then I realize that my TV is just shitting out on me. Seriously, technology has done nothing but tread on me for the past month at least. Fuck you technology.

Jacque Jones. Nothing too personal here Jacque, but we don't need you any more. We didn't really need you last season, since you really didn't do anything too spectacular, and you certainly didn't increase your trade value (somehow), but we definitely don't need you now. You're the odd man out in our crowded outfield, which could be a compliment, since it says we think too much of you to put you on the bench. Yeah, just consider it a compliment, and not the fact that you're not good enough. But you're on notice regardless. Get off the Cubs.

Work. I'm fucking working overtime on a Friday. I don't know what the deal is, but for the past three fucking weeks on Friday (Thursday during Vegas week) right around 1pm is when I get fucking swamped with shit to do. Thankfully I don't have shit going on till later tonight, otherwise I'd be hellapissed about it. Regardless, work, you're treading on me. Fuck you, you're on notice.

Tires. Tires, you're preventing Meg from coming to Peoria. Specifically, fuck you out of stock tires. You should remain in stock at all times, and you should come up with a system that will replenish yourself if you should be nearing the end of your in-stockedness. And what's with that blowing out shit? Bullshit I tell you.

Best Buy. Hey, still no word on my iPod. Well, I guess that's incorrect, since I STILL DON'T HAVE IT. I NEED MY IPOD. GIVE IT TO ME. Fuck you and your shitty-for-the-most-part warranty system Best Buy.

Employers. Still no job in Chicago. Fuck you, I need one. Peoria is killing my will to live, and specifically, my job is kiling my will to live. Hire me already. Please, seriously, I'm dying over here.

Peoria. IS KILLING MY WILL TO LIVE. It's fucking in the middle of nothing too. There's no direct way to get anywhere except Champaign or Indianapolis from Peoria. Oh, I can get to Galesburg??? OUTSTANDING. Why would I want to go to Chicago if I could go to GALESBURG?? And there's no Amtrak in Peoria either. What's that about. Oh, I could take a charter bus that will take me to either of two airports or the mall in Schaumburg. What a sweet deal. Seriously Peoria, get your shit in gear.

Dropping off:

Weather. It's about time you got your shitass in gear. I don't have time for this cold bullshit. It should be 72 and sunny from here on out. It can get slightly warmer, but no cooler. Otherwise...

Hangovers. I can't stay mad at you. I mean, I haven't felt like puking from alcohol since last Tuesday. Besides, you mean I probably had fun the night before, and I'm definitely going to feel better than you at some point in the future.

So that's all I've got for this week. I fucked Blogger over and still managed to post this despite them, so I feel that's definitely a personal victory. So who wants to get fucked up.

What's the deal

Last night I managed to catch the bulk of the Cubs game, especially when I wasn't busy and/or disgusted with what I saw. It was one of the first games in a while that I've been able to watch, this is what I took away from it.

From what I've seen basically all year, Jacque Jones is worthless. Not worthless in the Neifi Perez category where he's going to OBP exactly what his BA is, and he's going to hit soft grounders and popups everywhere. He's worthless in that he constantly appears to be trying to much at the plate, and it gets him nothing. In Sunday's game, he had a key strikeout on three pitches that were nowhere near the strikezone, nor was he close to hitting them. He cannot hit lefties, which is a shame because he's one of the few lefties we have on the team, and it's nice to have at least one in your lineup daily.

In last night's game, Scott Eyre, who I'll get to later, came into the game, got two quick outs, then blew ass and gave up a 2-run single. It was hit to right, Jones came up throwing, and the throw was well off target. Now, I think a good throw would have nailed the runner, but it's not like I expected Jones to throw the guy out. Actually, that's kind of the problem, because I KNEW Jones wouldn't throw the guy out.

Maybe I'm just spoiled, or I expect too much, but Jacque Jones needs to go. Pie is already proving that he's a pretty solid lead-off hitter, and he's proving (at least two games in) that he can be an offensive spark. Pie can move to center, since he's an outstanding defensive player (he's got range and a gun), move Soriano to right since he's got range and a good arm, and then you can rotate Murton and Floyd in left. personally, I think Murton should get more ab's than Floyd, because it doesn't seem to me like Floyd is hitting a lot, and he's not really going to. He only hit .244(ish) last year. Give Murton at least 60% of the playing time out there and let him do what he does.

Should we decide that Pie isn't quite ready yet (although so far it looks like he is, after all 2 games) then we should play DeRosa in right, Theriot at second and Murton/Floyd/Jones in left. Now, why did we sign Cliff Floyd? Or why did we not move Jones? We knew it was going to come to this, a logjam in the outfield (imagine if we'd kept Josh Hamilton, and had foresight). I just really see no benefit from giving Jones everyday playing time but not the other two guys. He has better range, but probably hits worse. And in a clutch situation, I would rather have either of the other two guys hitting than Jones.

It's not that Jones is bad per se, it's just that I don't think he really fits on the team. He said he'd be willing to move back to left, should Pie stay up and Soriano move to right. Looking like a good team player is yet another thing that will allow him to be traded easier, but we already have 2 left fielders (up to 4 or 5 if you count Ward, Theriot, DeRosa). We don't really need another.

So I just don't see where Jones fits on this team, and I also don't see how he ends this season with the Cubs. I would love to see him go somewhere else, back to the AL perhaps, and succeed, but I'm done with him on the North Side. And should the Cubs end up getting their ass kicked in a trade, I'm still ok with moving him. Seriously, we have 5 outfielders on the roster, and how big would it have been to have Angel Guzman last night.

Speaking of last night, and actually this season so far, it seems like the Cubs have been struggling due to a lack of execution, rather than incompetence from the manager. A perfect indicator of this was last night when Eyre couldn't get the third out in the 7th and we saw Lou in the dugout just shrugging. Eyre had 2 outs quick, then walk, infield hit, walk, 2-run single, then somehow another run scored while I looked away in disgust.

What is that an indicator of? Eyre just had a lack of focus (which was excellent, since he was probably the only pitcher on enough rest to be effective)? Eyre doesn't have the stamina to pitch a full inning (fatty)? Eyre is just not effective enough? Obviously, it's easiest to pin this all on Eyre, and while it's not entirely his fault, I still won't stop from blaming him. Entirely.

Speaking of another lefty, how about that Will Ohman? Lou continues to go to him, and Ohman continues to suck. We all know that it probably should have been Ohman, not Guzman, who was sent to the minors, so what does that mean? The Cubs reward experience over performance (still?? I thought we were done with that)? I'm all for sticking with a guy through some rough patches, but how many losses can you handle until you realize that something could be wrong?

It's nice to see that Rich Hill is going today, since he appears to be the best starter we have in our rotation. Carlos is Carlos, and walks continue to kick his ass. I'm starting to wonder if Henry Blanco shouldn't be the personal catcher for Carlos. Henry is excellent handling Carlos's disposition, while Barrett seems slightly intimidated (and understandably so). Even if Barrett isn't intimidated, he doesn't handle Carlos's demeanor quite as well.

Regardless, hopefully Jacque will find his way out of Chicago (if he'd get hurt, that would save us having to trade him for a while, although it could hurt his value), hopefully Pie will remain up, and hopefully the bullpen gets its shit together, because our starting pitching has been pretty stellar, and it sucks to come away with little to show for it.

A closer look at the Illini '07 recuiting class

According to the News-Gazette, the Illini have secured their fifth and final commitment from Rodney Alexander for the 2007 incoming class. While nothing has been made official (Alexander has until the end of the spring signing period, May 16), I'm going to assume it is official that Alexander will be with the Illini next year. Because this class is complete, and this is the first time in years that all of the scholarships have been used up, I thought I'd take a closer look at the players the Illini will be getting.

PG Demetri McCamey - Demetri was the first commit from the 2007 class (if memory serves). I could bore you with statistics and everything, but why would I do that? Demetri's got pretty good size for a PG at 6'3", and he should fit right into the relatively tall Illini backcourt. Demetri, as many of you may know, is also known for the time he spends with Big Brothers of America, as he often volunteers much of his time with that program. In addition to that, he volunteers at numerous hospitals and retirement homes. It is said that Demetri saves at least one person's life a week just by showing up and brightening their day.

PF Bill Cole - Bill was technically the second to commit to the Illini. Well, not technically I don't think, but of the people who actually signed LOI's, Bill was the first. He has helped lead Richwoods to various successes in recent years, including a 2nd place finish in the offensive shootout vs. Chicago Simeon in March, 2006, in which the game was tied at 29 at the end of regulation. One of the commonly known facts about Bill around the Peoria area (with which I have become increasingly familiar) is that, while not very imposing, he has the strength of 10 men. He often puts on feats on strength for anyone who asks him. Rumor has it that if you make him mad enough, he will go on a phonebook tearing rampage. And we all know that that's never pretty.

C Mike Tisdale - The third of the 2007 commitments (it has recently dawned on me that I could be way off on these), Mike Tisdale may be one of the most controversial. He committed very early for a Class A player, and he also seems to have a similar build to one Nick Smith. Really, pretty much any comparison to Nick Smith is grounds for disturbance, and I'm sure it's one that Mike is not comfortable with. Anyways, in his free time, you can find Nick volunteering for the Riverton Fire Department. No, he doesn't fight fires. He takes advantage of his length by rescuing adorable kittens and puppies from trees and roofs. He also cleans gutters and gets kites out of trees. Oh, he probably works on his game too.

SG Quincy Watkins - Quincy was a recruit who came out of nowhere pretty much (I can guarantee he was the fourth commit). Watkins was sort of late to the game when it came to garnering attention, but he certainly managed to do so, as both Arizona and UCLA showed interest. He (19.7ppg, 4.2rbg)emerged as a scoring threat down the stretch, so Illini fans are optimistic that he can continue improvement and give the Illini the scoring they desperately lack. Quincy is sort of a local hero in Compton, as he once walked into a convenience store while it was being held up. Quincy was overcome by adrenaline and beat up both of the thieves, absorbing two gunshots in the process. I use the term absorbing loosely, however, as numerous eye-witness accounts report the bullets appeared to bounce off of Quincy's chest and fall to floor. Quincy then rescued a runaway stroller from a busy intersection and helped 4 separate old women across the street. Then he returned to kick the thieves' asses a little bit.

SF(?) Rodney Alexander - The final piece of the recruiting puzzle this year is Rodney Alexander. A direct descendant of Fresno State standout Courtney Alexander, Rodney is a JuCo transfer from Redlands Community College in Oklahoma. He averaged about 13 and 5 this past season, but at 6'7", he possesses excellent size and athleticism. Not much is known about him to the Illini faithful, except that he was recruited by Oklahoma, Indiana, Tennessee and Kansas State. They're all losers. A fun fact about Redlands Community College, they actually teach a course there called Crop Art. The class explains various styles of crop art, including Alien Circles, and then the students are called upon to create their own designs. Rodney won first place for his submission of The Accolade, and then the entire class went out to a nearby cornfield to bring Rodney's creation to life.

Now imagine this in crop-form

So it looks like the Illini should have a pretty excellent class coming in, and at least three of the players should be able to be impact players. Some of them may even have some superhuman powers as well. I look forward to excellent years to come.

Early surprises

Obviously, it's still early in the baseball season. I will continue to say it's early in the baseball season at least until May, and possibly until June. Although the phrase "relatively early" could be used a lot in May regardless. But I digress. So far I've been caught off guard by a couple of things early this Cubs season, so I thought I'd share them.

First, where the hell did Jason Marquis come from? He's supposed to be a terrible pitcher, and yet he's been surprisingly consistent. His numbers aren't terrible, he hasn't had to leave a game in the 3rd inning (knock on wood) because he's given up 8 runs, and he isn't losing us games. In fact, he's kept us in every single game, which is sadly more than you can say for Carlos Zambrano.

And it's not just Marquis. I will admit that I was only cautiously optimistic coming into this season about Rich Hill. I know he came on strong last year, and I know he was pretty dominant throughout his career in the minors, but I just did not see him returning to form right out of the gates. And not only those two, but Ted Lilly has been lights out as well. Now I know we're only 3 starts into the season for these guys, but still, this sort of consistency and performance wasn't expected this early at all. I didn't know if Lilly or Marquis would put together 3 quality starts in a row throughout the entire season, so for it to happen this early is just a huge bonus.

Second, unsurprisingly, Jacque Jones is the same old player. He may be slightly better in the field what with his arm being repaired or recovered or whatever, but he's the exact same hitter in the plate. He may warm up as the season goes along, but he's not going to get on base enough, and he's not going to hit for a high enough average. And he doesn't take enough pitches to hit in the two hole. He swings at shitty pitches, so a pitcher can get him to 0-2 without a problem. Once you get him there, he's going to swing at just about anything, so he doesn't benefit from batting in front of Derrek Lee. In fact, I don't know where he benefits in the lineup, but it's probably going to be at 5 or 6 only.

Another surprise is Ryan Theriot. After starting out the season slowly, he has come on incredibly strong. And he is showing that he deserves at-bats. He was another player I was only cautiously optimistic of because of his inexperience. But daaaaamn.

I can't get over the fact that Theriot is playing BECAUSE he deserves at-bats. That never would have happened under Oldy McNoyoungguys. A player can actually earn his way into the lineup rather than just have it handed to him because he's older, and de facto better. This is just boggling my mind.

Anyways, now to the bad news. With Soriano down, we're going to likely see more of Jacque Jones in the outfield instead of less. And, a question for me is how long Soriano is going to be out. I guess it isn't a big deal necessarily, but if he's going to end up on the DL for 15 days, which it doesn't sound like will happen, we should get Pie up here ASAP so we have a solid-fielding center fielder. Ideally, you'd rather have Soriano go down when Pie wouldn't have to lead off, and maybe with Theriot hitting so well, Pie wouldn't have to, but I'd still like to see Pie up if Soriano is out for an extended length of time.

And we're all under the assumption that Jones is gone as soon as Pie comes up, right? I guess, as a counter-argument to my previous point, it doesn't make sense to move Pie up and down a lot, so we should only bring him up if we're going to leave him up. I digress. What we should be doing is trying to facilitate Pie's time with the ballclub by trying to get rid of Jacque Jones. We don't even need someone of equal value. Hell, we have new scouts, maybe we can find a gem in someone's system. Anyways, Jones needs to be gone.

I could also see us trading a left-handed reliever. Neal Cotts has been lights out thus far, and having 3 lefties in the bullpen doesn't make a lot of sense. Maybe we could package Jacque Jones and Scott Eyre for, say, Johan Santana. Hell, we'd even throw in Wade Miller. That's fair, right?

I am hoping that after last night's performance, Lou will realize that having Jacque Jones in the 2-hole just isn't working. And it doesn't work having him in the 3-hole even more. He needs to hit down in the lineup where he can do damage with runners on, and yet not be a rally killer. Floyd can rotate with Murton in left, but Murton needs to get his at-bats.

Also, I am not averse to trading Cesar Izturis in any sort of package. I think Ronnie Cedeno can handle short, as he's much better equipped this season. Hopefully. If not, we can lose a little range and glove-work and put DeRosa or Theriot at short. Hell, let's bring up Luis Montanez and put him at short (even though he's an outfielder now, and he may suck again, I'm not sure).

Anyways, there's some good, some bad, but as it warms up, things should only get better. Especially if Jacque Jones is gone.

It's been awhile (not like that shitty song)

So I realize it's been a while since I've made this list. First, I'd like to say it's not my fault. First, the end of the day snuck up on me two weeks ago. And I really wanted to make a list, but I felt it would be inappropriate to work overtime because of that. Last week, it totally wasn't my fault. I got stuck at the other building for about 90 minutes longer than I thought I would, and I ended up working 45 minutes overtime as it was.

So, without further ado, here's who's on notice this week (this may look different to many of you):

Technology
Work
Technology
Weather
Employers
Best Buy
Hangovers
Penny Dreadful

Notice anything different about that list? Just imagine me holding up the board and pointing in your face. Me or Colbert, either works, and we're both angry.

So, who's up this week:

Technology. You bitch. Here I am, just trying to do my business, and I can't fucking generate an On Notice board. You know what website? You suck. Sure you've given me and thousands of others hours of entertainment. But quit sucking you bitch.

Work. Man, work is really cramping my style. I worked a fucking 3 day work week and I'm still hella burnt out. Yes, I said hella. Last week work even kept me from putting people on notice. And I NEED to put people on notice. It's one of the three or four things I live for. Drinking constitutes at least 2 other things I live for.

Technology again. Fuck you. Oh, we reach cruising altitude and my iPod fucks up? Hooray indeed. I didn't really WANT to use my iPod. It's not like I made a separate journey JUST to get my iPod. I really wanted to wait in security AGAIN. I love being around a lot of people. If I could live in a cattle pen with about 9000 other people, I would be in heaven. Fuck you technology.

Weather. What the fuck is up with this bullshit?? Last week it's 80 fucking degrees on Wednesday. Then on Thursday it's 40. Then we head to Las Vegas and it's a beautiful 85. Then we come home AND IT FUCKING SNOWS. And it's still fucking cold. You know what weather? It's April. Cut this shit out before you're dead to me. You and technology are on a thin leash.

Employers. I've been looking for a job seriously since October. You know how many job offers I've gotten since then? ZERO. Why doesn't anyone want to employ me? Because they're all a bunch of bastards. And maybe they have a link to my blog. And, my current employer sucks too. Because they actually make me work, and they don't pay me enough. And I don't get paid for work I don't do, like on weekends and stuff when I don't work. I should get paid for that shit.

Best Buy. Hey, I needed a new computer 2 weeks ago. Oh, you don't have any Macbooks in stock? Terrific, I'll take my business elsewhere, assholes. Hey, my warranty is about to be used on my BROKEN iPod. Oh, what's that, a cracked screen is only covered about HALF the time? Even though I've got the warranty on it? And I DIDN'T DROP IT!!!!! Terrific. Maybe I'll go buy a broken TV from you next. Or I could just pay you the $2000 and cut out the whole "goods and services" thing.

Hangovers. I seriously had at least a 48 hour hangover from Las Vegas. Not only that, but I could have easily puked just about anytime within that 48 hours with very little effort. I did not, but I could have. Of course, I could never stay mad at hangovers, because then I'd have to stop drinking in excess. Ha, like that'll ever happen.

Off this week:

Everything college basketball related. The season is over, and now I'm only interested in recruiting and returning players' progress. The rest of you suck.

My sister. She wants to be talked about more. By talking about her more, I'm only giving into her demands, and she'll never learn that way. Learn what? I'm not sure. But it won't happen regardless. Also, I'm a great person, and as such, I feel like I will give her the pleasure of not being on notice any more. I await my nomination for the Nobel Peace Prize.

So that's the week. Hopefully I'll gain more inspiration in the future so I can start updating this more, but lately I've just lost the energy. Hopefully I'll regain it soon enough.

Here we go again

Remember how the Cubs started off last year? It was hot. They tore up the month of April. Then they sucked shit for the rest of the season. I mean, individually they still hit pretty well, but guys must have been clogging up the bases or something according to Ol' Cloggy Bases, because the offense was stagnant.

That makes me concerned about the way this team has started out. On one hand, I really love the way that Lou Piniella runs the team, aside from hitting Jacque Jones in the 2-hole. Through the lineup we're pretty solid, and if our worst hitter hits something like .270 (aside from the .230 we're likely to get from Neifi 2 with a glove), this team could really win some big games.

But then Piniella is kind of making excuses for the team's poor performance. I really don't think it's something he should be doing either, since the season isn't even 2 weeks old yet. But he said that the Cubs aren't built for 40 degree weather. What about 30 degrees? Does he realize Chicago is cold in September/October too? I hope so. I would rather have him say something along the lines of "We're just not hitting, and our bats haven't really warmed up yet."

Then he let go this gem. "We're not really built for small-ball." This is just wrong. Wrong wrong wrong. We've got speed throughout this lineup, and while we're not gonna have 5 guys stealing 60 bases, we do have speed. But we easily have enough speed to get a lot of guys in motion with hit and run's and whatnot. And various guys can get bunts down. This team can play small-ball, but it's built for power hitting. You want fewer power hitters? Make guys make adjustments, shorten their swings on cold days when the wind is blowing in. Seems simple enough. Of course, then Adam Everett could go yard on you, but whatever.

I have also heard complaints that this team is too right-handed. Right-handed, shmright-handed. We have enough good hitters that it shouldn't matter what kind of pitchers we face. And if that's not true, then what the hell did we sign all these people for?

Anyways, aside from all that business, guess who got some more bad news. I don't understand Mark Prior. I would love for nothing more than to see him succeed in a Cubs uniform. Chicago Cubs, but also Iowa Cubs first. If I were Mark Prior, I would want as much time for a full recovery as possible. This hurrying back from injury (aside from inability to diagnose the problem) is obviously not working. If he's got a tear, fix it. Then let it recover. If it's unfixable, then let it go. It's not like he's forgotten how to pitch. His arm and his mind probably just don't match up.

Anyways, it's same old same old in Cub country. I think the lack of performing, while a problem, is not a horrible problem. Look at how even the NL Central has been so far. And with Carpenter going down for the Cards so early, they could be in a lot of trouble.

Whatever the case, it's a long fucking season, so it's way too early to get our collective panties in a bunch. Let's just all chill out about not winning every game this season, and just win out from here on out.

My life should be more like Vegas

For those of you not aware, which was probably no one, this weekend was the first trip that I'd ever taken to Vegas, though I'd been wanting to go since I turned 21. Well, since returning, I want nothing more than to go back to Vegas. Of course, since trips are not quite cheap, I obviously can't afford to go. And I also can't afford to miss more work. So here is my plan to make my life more like being in Las Vegas.

Gogo dancers in my apartment. They really just brighten up the place. And, I mean, I know they have those at tons of places and not just in Las Vegas, but whatever. And I think I would put them in cages. Just chicks too. No dudes. I don't need dudes around when I'm trying to enjoy my gogo dancers. I think I would probably let the chicks out of their cages if they needed to go to the bathroom, but that's it. I don't want them to steal my stuff while I'm at work. Also, there are strict rules for the dancers. No sitting down while I'm in the room, I'm not paying you anything, you can't drink, there is a shift change once a night, and new dancers must come in every week or so, unless there is one I'm particularly fond of. And I refuse to do the interviewing of the new dancers. I don't have time for that. I'm thinking like 2 cages in my place, one on either side of the tv, and then one dancer per cage. That's reasonable enough. No need for trapeze shows though.

Multiple gambling tables in my apartment. Also, there would be a dealer for each table. And to make sure things are fair, they're going to rotate every hour unless I'm on a roll. I get to keep winnings of the house, since it's my apartment, and I also get to keep my own winnings. But my winnings when I'm playing aren't actually my money. It's actual profit, which comes from, say, selling things on the black market. I'm thinking maybe I'll let some losers in my apartment while I'm at work, then when I get home I'll kick them all out. No, I'll have a bouncer kick them out before I get home. I'll hire a dealer to double as a bouncer, and he may get paid, but none of the other dealers will. I will however tip them, as I am a very generous player.

Cocktail waittresses wandering around my apartment. Again, I'm not paying them, except for tips from my winnings. At least one of them has to be a short, hot Asian woman with large boobs like the one we had at New York New York for most of Sunday afternoon. I was a big fan of hers, especially as I got drunker.

It should be approximately 80 degrees and sunny for long stretches of time. This is required so I can be able to go to the pool. Which is in the sun. And is decorated with many hot chicks around.

I am allow to get as drunk and loud as I want. All the time. I am pretty sure the dealers will think I'm charming and clever as I say "You're breaking my balls" louder and louder everytime I don't get a blackjack or they flip a face card. In fact, the louder I get, the more charming and clever it is.

I think that's about all I can think of. Really, it's quite simple to do. Just start an underground gambling ring, I'll be the boss of it. Then it's going to get bigger as more people want to come and I'm going to turn into some crazy mob boss, and then I'm going to get really skeptical of all people I meet. Then I'll get really paranoid until I fall into an endless pit of insanity as my once-great gambling empire crumples without me around. There will also be something about prohibition in there too. Somehow my Vegas seems to have combined with The Untouchables and just about every other mob movie ever. Sounds about right.

Vegas bitches

Today is my first day back to work after returning home from Vegas. I don't really think much of a premise is needed for this weekend recap; just be sure that I'm not remembering huge chunks of it, and it was all fucking amazing.

So Thursday night I went to bed sometime after 1. I was pretty exhausted and we had to get up at 6, but couldn't sleep. I finally did sleep, then woke up around 5. And there was no more sleep after that. I drove us to the airport, we got through security, I pull out my iPod. Uhoh, I must have left it in my car. We had about 45 minutes to board, so I hustled back to my car, nearly got EXTREMELY lost trying to find my way to my car, but I got the iPod, waited in security AGAIN, then made it back to the gate with about 10 minutes to spare. We get high enough that we can use our electronics, so I pull out my iPod, and it's broken. Sweet. Glad I wasted that trip. Also, The Holiday was on, and that made me hate myself. So I was 0 for 2 at that point. Great, it's going to be an awesome trip. I think I slept for about half an hour on the plane, then woke up for descent. We get to Vegas, meet up with everyone else, then get to the hotel (after checking in at the airport). We check our bags, then go eat because we're starving. Almost all of us order our first round of drinks for the trip, except of course Steve (he got water) who was 4 beers in already. One or two drinks later (it was two for me) and a lunch later, we hit the gambling floor. I saw about $40 disappear quickly and decided I was done with slots for the weekend. Then we went and finally got into our hotel room. Everyone in my room slept, and I went down to gamble with everyone else. We went to the Monte Carlo and played some blackjack. Except when I say 'played' I really mean threw our money into the shitter. I cut myself off after losing $45; let's just say the others didn't make the same decision. We eventually headed back to the hotel (after getting a quick dinner and buying alcohol) and started to get ready. Well, except, our toilet broke. It wouldn't flush unless you took the back off of the toilet, and lifted the thing manually. I was told to fix it, but I could not. Luckily, like 20 minutes later, some dude came to fix it and we were cool. Then all of us got ready, and I continued to drink heavily. I was on a mission. So 10:30 or 11 rolls around, I'm not sure which, and we head down to Studio 54. There's no line, which we love, and we walk right in (after the overpriced cover). I buy an $8 beer, and everyone else is like, hey, we're going to go back upstairs to drink. I then finish my beer, and then Steve and I go up to drink more as well. And as we're walking upstairs, the alcohol begins to hit me. I'm wasted! Awesome. So we have like 2 more drinks (they were like 6 ounce cups) and then head back down. I buy one more $8 beer and I think that was it for the night. There was dancing, go-go dancers, some sort of trapeze show or something, and then a large gap. I think we left around 1:15 and went up to pass out.

Saturday I woke up to a text message around 8:15 or 8:30. It says get ready, we're going to the pool. So I get ready, and everyone but Chris and Bootz gets up and we go to the pool at about 9. I think the bar opened up around 9:30 or so, or maybe 10, who really knows, and we all got drinks. There was some lazy river time, some hot tub time, but mostly just sun time. And there was 'I'm getting wasted time' for me. And it occurred after about two beers. I think I had at least 6 or 7 beers while we were at the pool, and we finally left around, uh, let's call it 3. Streets and I head back to the room to change and then meet up with everyone, uh, somewhere. Then, uh, some stuff happened I think, although I can't be sure. Then we went to eat dinner at a Mexican place (I forgot about this until yesterday morning). It was really good, but I couldn't eat a lot. I was full on chips, salsa, and loads of alcohol. There was no gambling for Streets and I on Saturday though. So we leave whereever we were (I remember a spiral elevator and lots of stores) and then we head back to the hotel to get ready for the evening. On the way back we saw two fountain shows, which were awesome. So we get ready (there's much drinking while doing so) and head to Tabu. We go there because at the pool we got tickets for getting in free (for the ladies) and dudes pay half. Well, guess who is the only one without a ticket. This guy. And we later discovered it wasn't my fault. But anyways, we go in and sit. At one point, we get kicked out of our table because someone has bought it. Ok, we move over. A little later, we're kicked out of that table too. The night ends like this:

SCENE MISSING.

Actually, I guess everyone left except me, Streets and Steve. Or, at least if everyone left, we hit the casino floor. Steve played a couple slots or something. I seriously have no idea whatsoever.

I do remember waking up on Sunday. I woke up still kind of drunk. Checkout was 11, and it was about 9:30 or so, so I was trying to finish up what was left of the captain, and I almost did it. Then our room went down, checked our stuff and hit up a little more gambling. Streets and I were up in blackjack when everyone was down, so we went and ate brunch. What a glorious brunch it was. And mimosas were included. From there we went to the Excalibur and gambled a little more, because tables were cheaper there. Things were not so lucky there. I lost about $140, then pulled another $100 out of the ATM. Bad idea, yes. The girls went to do something, Chris and Bootz went to the airport, and the three of us dudes went to New York New York for more gambling. Now, I should be pointing out that throughout the gambling there is a steady flow of drinks in front of me. New York New York was awesome. There was big money to be had, and the dealers were almost all awesome. And I think everyone at the table was pretty friendly. Except I was probably the loud obnoxious drunk guy at the table. I think twice Streets was out of chips, and someone paid for her to play, and she won. Anyways, long story short, we cashed out around 9:30 pm. We probably got there at like 4. I stood up, realized how incredibly drunk I was (and we didn't eat dinner) and then I thought I was going to be sick. So we walk back to our hotel (slowly in my case), get our bags, and head to the airport. I guess the cab driver reeked, but sitting in the back, I sure couldn't smell him. Anyways, we got to the airport, checked in, got through security. I was feeling better, so Streets, Steve and I went to get something to eat. The plane ride was miserable, but I slept for probably 2.5 of the 3.5 hours of it. Get home, I have to drive us home, then we go to sleep before the Cubs game on Monday.

Well, I had trouble sleeping, feeling like I would puke if I laid down. So I slept sitting up for about an hour, then slept laying down for about another hour. Around 11 we headed to Wrigley. There's not much to say about it. It was freezing, there were some loud little kids like 2 rows behind us (and one of their hot moms was getting drunk), and Streets got crazy drunk (Chris also got drunk, but I don't think he was crazy drunk. Maybe a little). So after the game, there's sitting around, Streets leaves, I start feeling super hungover. AGAIN. Finally I went to sleep around 11:30 and don't sleep too well.

The weekend kind of ended there. The drive home was miserable yesterday, I slept for 2 more hours at home, and I am not sure my iPod will get repaired even though it's still under warranty. Even still, it was an amazing weekend, and regardless of how little I actually remember of it, it was still totally awesome. Now I need REST.