Remembering things is overrated

Well it's time for another installment of things that send me into a murderous rage for quite possibly no reason at all.

It's been a much better week for me this week. I feel like karma was less of a bitch to me. Actually, I take that back. I showed karma what's what, and now she knows not to mess with me again. And, I reiterate, she is a whore.

Anyways, like I said, much better week. Peoria, while being horrible, managed not to suck the life out of me. I also had motivation to take care of my business in a timely, efficient manner, meaning inspiration was plentiful enough. Man, why am I so cryptic at times?

Also great was tv this week. The deaf tranny won America's Next Top Model, some other stuff happened on other shows I didn't watch, the Bulls almost made a run and at least made things interesting until they forgot the point of basketball was to actually make shots, and the Office was great. All of these things combined with my ass-kicking of karma made this week semi-easy to handle. So where does the hate come from this week?

I'll tell you where.

New this week:

Technology. Well, you finally did it. Because my FM transmitter was being such a piece of shit and was actually ignoring the laws of gravity, thus falling over any time my car made a slight move to the right, I was forced to purchase a new one. Apparently bastards hadn't had the foresight to realize that manual transmissions may cause problems for stupid FM transmitters. So thanks for that technology. You continue to rape money out of my pockets. Don't even think about what that actually means, because I do not know either.

Jacque Jones. Guess who's back on the list. Your inability to perform on offense for the Cubs is horrendous. Plus, you have now been supplanted by Angel fucking Pagan. The walking contradiction. Pagan was hitting .250 in AAA, and he's hitting well above you now. So, don't let the door hit you on the way out. Also, walk out the door quickly please. You're holding up the line.

Work. Whoever came up with the idea of work on a Friday? It's complete bullshit. I tend to think of work as more of an option and not a requirement on Friday's though. Sure, I could do work. But what about free will man? I don't need your rules.

USPS. Hey, did you know the price of postage went up? Do you know why it did? Because the government likes fucking people. Do you know how much it costs to mail your typical letter? 3 cents. Where's the other 36, i mean 38 cents going? And why does it have to be an odd number? It's 40 too difficult? Fuck you post office. I just finished off my fucking 37 cent stamps, and now postage will go up right around the time I buy 41 cent stamps. I would like to tell this little anecdote. Last year, when postage went up, I fought the system by continuing to mail things with 37 cent stamps. I know, I'm a rebel. Well, the post office was my bitch, because they delivered that shit for a month. Suckers. Also, I'm glad there was a memo sent out about postage. I wouldn't have noticed if I wasn't told about it on Sunday night or saw it on cnn.com. If something was included in my mail about it, maybe they should have tried to not send it with the rest of the junkmail bullshit I get. Man, fuck the post office.

TV Networks. This week networks revealed new shows and shit for the fall. Or something, I don't know. My problem is with how retarded these networks are, specifically Fox. Fox has this grand idea that every piece of shit they touch is gold. And retards who watch Fox only solidify that fact. Fox has good shows, like Simpsons and Family Guy, and a shit-ton of people watch American Idol. So, Fox thinks they're untouchable, and they're pretty incapable of losing money. Oh, also they have that are you a redneck show with Jeff Foxworthy that people love for some reason. Anyways, because of this, and their inability to promote shows that are actually good, Fox has a lineup that is consistenly packed with shit that fails. The only shows Fox CAN promote are shitty shows. Case in point: 'Til Death. Somehow that shitcom got picked up for a second season, even though it's not funny and no one watches it. Yet, Arrested Development couldn't even squeeze out 3 full seasons. If you want to be successful at Fox, you either have to be mind-numbingly retarded or have a solid enough premise that can be picked up at any point by retards. Fuck TV networks, but specifically, fuck Fox.

Employers. Hi, I still need a job. Why are you not offering me one? Why are you an asshole? You can take your job and shove it, you're an asshole. But seriously, I'll take it.

Peoria. I said this week was better. You know how bored I was this weekend? I took like 4 naps and I worked out. On a weekend. I don't do that. I cannot come up with one benefit to living in Peoria. Wait, it's not Decatur. That's as positive as I can get.

Off this week:

Money. I will never have enough money. However, it varies from week to week how much of a problem that is. This week, maybe not so much. Next week, probably.

Karma. See above. Karma is still a bitch, but I made it my bitch. I don't want to get into the specifics of how this occurred though.

Best Buy. You are still a bitch, and I hate your policies. However, I cannot stay mad when you have so many reasonably priced HDTV's. Also, I have developed a plan for getting a new TV, which Best Buy is involved with, so in the interest of the partnership, I have chosen to remove Best Buy, at least temporarily.

The Cubs are bad

I fail to understand how the Cubs continue to lose games that should be won, and I fail to see it for a number of reasons. The only reason that I keep coming back to is that this is just a bad team, and maybe everyone on the team is on the decline. Of course, you look at the mostly excellent starting pitching of the past, oh, month, and then you look at the ability of the Cubs to have an extremely high team batting average (thank you Derrek Lee), and you really wonder why they suck so incredibly bad. The main problem, obviously, is the inconsistency. And it comes from everywhere.

The bullpen sucks. How can you walk in runs? Or, more importantly, how can you walk runs in when there are already two outs? You've got Wuertz who will blow a game, but then you turn around and you see Dempster blow a game. And these have been two of our more consistent pitchers. There's Eyre, who is actually very consistent, in that he's fat and he sucks, Howry, who has been fairly steady in his recent past, but this year has just been inconsistent, and then there's Cotts, who started out hot, but is now sucking. Add into that also Rocky Cherry who's inexperienced, and while you'd like to see him be able to come up and be solid immediately, you need to allow some room for rookie inexperience. All of this results in a bullpen that, when given a lead, never leaves you to feel confident.

Cardinal rules of baseball: never walk the leadoff man, never walk someone with two outs. These seem like pretty simple rules to abide by, and yet the Cubs suck at it. It has bitten Rich Hill in the ass in his last two starts, it hurt Marquis in his last start, it's hurt Dempster and Wuertz. Everyone does it, but when you walk someone, you ruin your chances of getting that player out. I know, it's pretty complicated.

Anyways, on the whole, the starting pitching has been otherworldly when compared to how I thought it would be. I never expected Ted Lilly to be pitching so well, and I honestly didn't even expect Angel Guzman to be pitching as well as he is. And, I will again admit, Jason Marquis may not suck at life like I had originally thought. Zambrano may have turned the corner on his season, and obviously, if Rich Hill can limit his walks, this starting rotation is primed for success. But, that bullpen...

To the offense, inconsistency is perhaps too accurate in describing it. This week is a perfect example. Put up 4 runs on Tom Glavine, then stop. Put up 10 runs the next day. Then get fucking 2 hit by Jorge Sosa, then get 5 runs the next day. The way our starters pitch, 5 runs should get a win. But it does not, because of our bullpen. Let's go all the way back to last weekend against the Phillies, when the Cubs got 1 run(?) against Cole Hamels, then put up 7 only to give up 11 (thanks bullpen), and then they won on like 3 runs or something Sunday (I don't remember and I'm lazy). It's not even this past week either, it's been the entire season. To be able to score so many runs, yet to still have the record we have is ridiculous. Also, the disparity between runs scored and runs allowed is ridiculous with the record we have. It all goes to show that the Cubs, when they score, give up a lot, and when they don't score, they don't give up a lot. I suppose it could also be an indicator that on any given day, despite good pitching performances from our starters, they're being outpitched by their opponents, but that's not really the case when the Cubs squander opportunities to score runs.

Anyways, I have learned that there's really no such thing as clutch hitting. It's not a statistic, and there's nothing that makes one hitter perform better in a "clutch" situation over another. However, they do keep track of things like batting average with RISP, RISP and 2 outs, and I think those are a fairly good indicator of how someone will perform in a clutch situation, and, usually, the better hitters are also better in the clutch. So, when at the end of an inning you've got 2 outs, runners on second and third, and Jacque Jones or Cesar Izturis up, I am uncomfortable. Even with Cesar hitting surprisingly well of late, I do not like the situation. So I would like to make some suggestions as to how I would change this team.

First, unload Jacque. He's not really hitting any more, and he's certainly not doing it with any consistency. He's surprisingly sufficient in center field, but at one point do you trade sufficient outfield ability with inability to hit? Hell, Angel fucking Pagan is hitting really well right now, as he did last year before being injured, so I'd much rather have Pagan in center anyways. And who cares what we get for Jacque? Bullpen pitcher who's prone to big innings but doesn't give up many walks? Minor leaguer with plus arm but terrible control who will never make it to the majors? I DON'T CARE. He needs to go.

As much as I love Ryan Theriot, and as surprised as I am by Cesar Izturis, this team needs to re-evaluate the middle infield. Theriot is reminding everyone that we didn't need to sign Mark DeRosa, at least for second base, and it's great. But I would like to see Theriot play everyday. He's too good, and the other two do not one Ryan Theriot make. So either play Theriot at second or play him at short, but make sure he's in every single day. Also, I would actually like to see what Fontenot does in the lineup. He's tearing the shit off the ball in AAA, so let's see what he does in the bigs. It's not like he'd be any worse than Cesar, and he got a double his first at bat, so give him a start. Please Lou. Please. As for DeRosa, I still like having him around as a utility guy/second baseman/whatever, I just wish he would hit more. It seems like some of the guys just don't get enough AB's to get into any sort of groove, and having too many good hitters is not really a problem I saw the Cubs having. Ever.

As for the bullpen, something needs to be done to light a fire under their asses. There are still too many walks, and it seems like most of the time they're throwing batting practice for the opposing teams. I don't know if this is because of their approach, or because of their lack of execution (the walks have to be lack of execution), but Lou just looks baffled every time he sees a lead coughed up. And I'm baffled too. And enraged. So let's play around with it a little. Bring Rocky Cherry back up, and send someone down who isn't out of options (we're actually pretty limited there, which blows). Maybe look to trade. Switch around roles. I would say Dempster is fine at closer, despite yesterday, but if yesterday is any indication, do not bring him in just to have him pitch. Or, if he blows it, don't be afraid to give him the hook. I find it hard to believe that this bullpen is collectively unable to throw strikes on any given day, so somebody has to be able to do it. Right? Please tell me I'm right.

I really do expect this team to bring it all together at some point, and the season is long, so there's still time. Also, I would consider the bulk of the teams in the NL weaker than the Cubs, so you would have to like our matchups most of the time. That being said, this team better fucking quit sucking.

Welcome Back. Bitches.

So it's been a little while since I've written anything. And you know what? I've barely had any inspiration for anything at all. I'll start hating something, and then I'll forget about it. Me and my lousy memory. If I could remember I'd write something about that too. But anyways, where was I?

So, what's new? Not a lot, thanks for asking. My life has no direction, but that's nothing new. Also, I have become increasing obsessed with Michael Cera for reasons beyond my own understanding. I think he may be the funniest person alive. And have you seen the preview for Superbad? That shit looks hilarious.

Man, what's my deal? Not even any hilarious anecdotes this week? You'd think after so long off I'd be saving shit up in my lockbox of hilarity. Well, I lost it. How does that sound? So without further ado, this week's list:

New this week:

Technology. Yep, you're still on my shit list. Nothing you do can go well for me. My tv continues to suck, and I think there my also be a spot of discoloration developing as well. That's just terrific, because often I wonder what my TV would look like if it were in variations of green and blue. Hopefully, soon enough, you can quell that thirst for knowledge. Also, my FM transmitter for my iPod now sucks. Apparently it wasn't designed with my car in mind, because whenever I reverse, I have to slip it on its side. Well, now it flips over almost every time I make a right turn. That's not annoying at all. Thanks for that technology. Except replace the word "that" with everything. Oh, and replace "thanks" for "fuck you."

Money. Man, so many fucking bills to pay this month. Also, I want to point out that when we had yearly reviews, in JANUARY, mine was stellar. But I couldn't get a raise because they're in NEGOTIATIONS. So, yeah, that will happen never. Perhaps this should be filed under work, but it's regarding money, and I still don't have enough. I may pick up another job on the side dealing drugs, because where's the downside in that? Nowhere is the correct answer.

Work. Man, remember how I complained about how cold it was in here, back in like February? Yeah, those were the good old days. It's 81 degrees outside, and yet it's a brisk 78 degrees in here. It's amazing I don't catch frostbite in these working conditions. 78 degrees. What do I look like. A penguin? (If I do look like a penguin, just don't tell me.)

Karma. So, I hate my job, and I'm still looking for a new one. Since I don't give a shit about it, I called in sick on Monday. Woohoo extended weekend. Well karma is kicking me in the ass for it, because among various other things, I'm getting sick. And/or I've gotten sick. But can karma give me a new job for working a shit job for this long? Of course not. Because karma is a cold-hearted bitch. And I heard she was a whore too.

Best Buy. I actually still hate you, and as proof, I actually bought something from Wal-Mart. God, I just shuddered as I typed out Wal-Mart.

Employers. Hey, employers, why don't you quit following karma's lead and get me a new fucking job! I'm a great employee, and as long as I'm interested in my work and feel like I'm being reimbursed for said work fairly, I'll not take too many sick days when I'm not sick. Hell, Monday was the first I'd ever taken here. So what's that bullshit about? Um, anyways, back on course, I would very nearly give my number out on here just to see if employers would call it, but I'd probably get a lot of fans calling, and I don't have the effort to screen calls this weekend. So, uh, where was I? Oh yeah, I need a new job.

Peoria. You know what there is in Peoria? Shit. None of my friends. A strip club that I refuse to go to by myself. A strange smell on various days. Boredom. Apathy. And my fucking job. It's like my apartment is an oasis in a giant desert of dullness and whatever the opposite of life is. I need to get out of here.

Penny Dreadful. I was in Best Buy like a month ago (before the iPod debacle) and I bought two movies from Horrorfest. You know how many of them were Penny Dreadful? Zero. In fact, I saw the pile of Penny Dreadful movies and I broke them all in half, while screaming incessantly, and then I puked on them. Yeah. Take that Penny Dreadful.

Off this week:

Jacque Jones. You know, he should probably still be on the list. How do you fucking leave 9 runners on base in one game? But, you know what, I just don't have the Jacque-hating in me right now.

Tires. Apparently I am fickle and cannot hold a grudge for very long. Who says I haven't learned anything from women?

So that's all I've got for this week. It's kicked my ass, and I'll be glad to say good-riddance to it. So I guess I'll see everyone in three weeks?