Taken to task: Lance Briggs

I would like to reiterate what I've said before, that I am a big fan of Lance Briggs on the field. When the Bears took him in the THIRD ROUND of the draft, I was like, ok, that's probably a good pick, but in no way did I see it leading to two consecutive Pro Bowls before his initial contract was up.

Since I'm such a fan of Lance Briggs, I would like to offer this piece of advice: Quit being such a bitch. Seriously. Quit it.

Point #1: YOUR agent when you were a rookie negotiated your contract for you. So whose fault is it that you were a restricted free agent this year? Is it the Bears' fault? IS IT? NO. It's YOUR agent's fault. And also possibly yours. Of course, no one had the foresight to see how good you'd be, except for yourself perhaps, but if that's the case, then it's YOUR FAULT you agreed to such a contract stipulation.

Point #2: Because of YOUR contract, the Bears have the right to do whatever they want with you. Because they're working WITHIN THE REALMS of YOUR contract, they could have let you walk for nothing, they could have signed you to an extension, they could have traded you, whatever they wanted. Is it their fault that they chose to do something they were allowed to do? Also, THEY OFFERED YOU AN EXTENSION, and you chose to reject it. Perfectly reasonable on both sides, but don't say they're not doing anything to re-sign you, because we both know that's complete bullshit. And, just as a sidenote, MAYBE PAYING YOU LESS ALLOWS THEM TO IMPROVE THE TEAM THIS SEASON. I know, it's crazy to think that the Bears might be trying to do something else than make you miserable.

Point #3: You say you want to be "the man" somewhere. That's fine, a lot of people want to be the best at something. But did you ever think that maybe it's BECAUSE of Brian Urlacher that you're able to excel so well. I'm not saying you suck by any means. But if a team has to gameplan for 2 Pro Bowl linebackers, as opposed to, say, one, they're going to have to spread out blocking schemes, etc. for 2 linebackers. Whereas if there was only one awesome linebacker, it would be much easier to contain him. Unless he's some sort of freak athlete.

Point #4: Your constant bitching to the media. You say that you're prepared to sit out all season in order to make your point. You'll even take out loans if you need to, because you're sure to get paid next year, right? About that:
1.) You're fucking getting paid $7 million if you play. If you're willing to walk away from that, I would like to simply ask if you're a retarded person.
2.) Did you see the contracts in free agency? Let's do a little math. If you play this season, you make $7 million. If you get a free agent contract within the range of Nate Clements (which you totally should if you don't turn into a shitty player suddenly), you could make $10 million a year. So, let's see, $10 million + 0 = $10 million. $7 million + $10 million = $17 million. I mean, if you're cool with not making any money for a year, then go ahead. And obviously you're not big on team loyalty (not that many people are any more), so why not just sit out.
3.) With all your bitching, you look fucking insane. Remember Maurice Clarett? He sat out a year and came back out of shape. He's now in jail. I'm not saying it will happen to you, but how do you stay in shape when you've got nothing to do for 16 months? And why would a team want someone who's bitching about making $7 million a year?

Point #5: "When I did talk, you guys criticized me." Well no shit genius. Of course people are criticizing you. You're acting like a jackass and a little whiny bitch. Maybe you're right though. Maybe you should be allowed to bitch about the owners not paying you what you want, even though it doesn't seem like you even want to be in Chicago any more. I'm pretty sure the Bears are cool with not paying you and letting you sit out the season if you're going to be a prima donna. If I were to bitch about my job and demand more money, I'd probably get fired. But let's all give you the benefit of the doubt, because the Bears won't give you $10 million more. Fuck you, shut up.

Point #6. Remember Thomas Jones? That other jackass who said he was going to hold out with you last year? He got traded. He worked out a deal with Jerry Angelo where he would get traded following the 2006 season if he played the season hard. And did you see TJ getting his carries, and respect? Angelo is obviously true to his word.

Awww, but you want more money? TOUGH SHIT. The Bears have every right to slap the franchise tag on you. It's your own fault you're being a pussy about it. My only concern right now is that if the Bears were to trade you, they wouldn't get ENOUGH for you back because you're being such a whiny bitch. Maybe you should just shut your fucking mouth and stay focused on football. Don't worry, we'll be ok without you.