My life is a joke

My life is a joke that I think I'm in on, but I'm not entirely sure after the past week's occurrences.

Anyways, I am still in the job market. I got a call about a job this week, and it seemed ideal, so there had to be a catch, right? Well, of course there was. I technically didn't have any of the experience that they were looking for. I mean, I have experience, but not in the main thing I would be doing. So I don't expect to hear anything back from that. Terrific.

Anyways, when I was drunk last night I started thinking about things I could do. I could be some sort of critic who gets paid to shit on a lot of things that people like. Like Grey's Anatomy. Man would I tear that show apart. Or perhaps I could be a consultant for Best Week Ever. Of course, I would probably have to not be too ugly to appear on television, I would probably need some sort of stand-up comedy background, and I would probably have to wait until the people who actually do the blogging at BestWeekEver.tv also appear on the show. But, whatever. I'll do that.

So I would like to announce my candidacy for any awesome job openings involving being a critic, or just commentaries on pop culture in general. And if I get to swear, that's even better. Anyways, let's get to the list for this week.

New this week:

Technology. Holy shit computer. What is your problem. So I'm working on my recap for the Real World on Wednesday night and I hear this clicking noise. In fact, this is a clicking noise I heard last week, except this time there was a 'whirr' added into the mix. Terrific. My computer shut down and I thought I'd lost all my shit, but luckily Firefox had my back. Three more times before the end of the night, and twice within an hour, my computer restarted itself. So I spent Thursday looking at deals for Macbooks. However, it was suggested that I perform an error check on the hard drive and maybe it could repair the problems. I did so, and there were 7 ERRORS that had been repaired. Seriously, what the fuck is up technology?

Work. Holy shit work. My working conditions are still terrible. It's been humid in the lousy place all week. Or I'll come in and it will be a perfect 68, and then by 12 it's 74. And it only gets hotter. Work is such a pain in my ass. I don't even know why I do it anymore. Well, to be honest, I don't do it very much anymore, I'm just here a lot.

Referees. I'm not sure if you know the job of a referee, but it's basically to enforce all of the rules their certain governing body has put into effect. Apparently the referees in the basketball games last night did not receive the memo. Let's see, SIU lost by three points, and the referees blew a shot-clock violation that was painfully obvious, and they also blew a goaltending call. That is a 4 point swing against SIU. I wonder if those four points (or even two points) would have made a difference in the outcome of the game. No, probably not. Jackasses. But at the end of the other early game, they took forever to make a ruling in how much time rolled off the clock in the inbounding play. They rules 1.1 seconds. Wait, what? 1.1? After the ball was touched, and the whistle was blown IMMEDIATELY after? We saw that the ball didn't touch out of bounds when you said it did. But that doesn't mean you can retroactively correct that call. The clock stops when you blow the whistle, and it was blown immediately. Way to fuck up THE ONLY THING YOU DO. Also, how do you call a foul with 3.1 seconds left anyways? And such a wiener foul at that? Way to impact the ENTIRE END OF THE GAME. You blow refs.

Kansas. Rock Chalk, You Sock. Except in place of sock, put 'are fucking pieces of shit.' We all know that you should have lost that game last night. People are praising Bill Self for such a wonderful job of coaching he did, when he didn't do shit. He nearly (and should have) lost to a team that they should have supposedly beaten easier, and he didn't call any plays, his players took the game over. Bah, fuck him. And fuck Kansas. Come on UCLA.

Seth Davis. At the end of the Texas A&M game, you tore into the referees for fucking up that call, which we all saw. And I was like, man, good work dude. Let them have it. Don't pussy-foot around it. And then we come back at halftime of the next games and you're saying the refs did a good job and you were wrong? Bullshit. BUUUUULLLLLLSHIT. You can't say the refs did a good job of retroactively correcting their own blown call. Because they can't do that. And it wasn't a good job. You're an idiot.

People. Like I need a reason for hating people. The harder thing would be coming up for reasons why NOT to hate people. And I can't do it. So there you go.

Off this week:

Gonzaga, Davidson, Old Dominion. You know what you get for sucking? Not a second thought. Well, kind of a second thought, since I put you on notice in the first place, but after that, not a second though. So, not a second second thought. But I still give you all a BAAAAAAH.

Taxes. I'm not really sure why I took you off the list. Probably because I hate you so much that thinking about you puts me into a murderous rage. So good job with that. I hope you get a boomerang.

Weather. While you should probably be on this list because you're still kind of retarded, since Sunday you've been fine. And fine is fine with me. Just don't get too hot too fast or I will stab you. And if anyone sees me running around stabbing at the air, you'll know what I'm doing.

That's all I've got for this week. In 2 weeks from now I'll be in Vegas, or Wetas as it's occasionally known, and that day cannot come soon enough.