I'll impregnate you!: Mardi Gras recap
For all of the worrying about the weather this weekend, little did I know that the New Orleans weather would be so much less than desirable. Also, I tried to remember as much as possible, but if there are things I've left out, perhaps someone will fill me in as to what happened. Oh, one more thing: I don't remember the names of almost anything we went to.
We went to bed a little after 12 on Friday night, and we couldn't decide what time we wanted to leave. I'd already checked us in online, so we just had to wait to get through security. We didn't know how much snow would be on the roads, so we got picked up at 4:30 Saturday morning, and we all woke up at 4:10 (Chips, Bootz, me; Muffy was already in Louisiana). We were through security by, like 5:15 or something, probably sooner, and our flight didn't leave until 6:30. Also, it was very depressing to be at the airport while stores were opening up. We got on the plane, and Muffy called just before to see how the weather was and if we'd be delayed, and also to mention that she was just getting home. Well, the weather was pretty fine, we were delayed like 20 minutes, but it was no big deal. The flight to Charlotte was fine, and everyone slept except for me. Bootz and I contemplated drinking once in Charlotte, but we chose not to hang out in one of the smoky bars just for a beer. We landed in New Orleans around 12:30 or so and met up with Muffy. We took a shuttle to our hotel, and this shuttle smelled like chicken parts, and there was a can of green beans in the back. We chose not to ask questions.
We got to our hotel at like 1:30, but check in wasn't until 3, so we went to Mothers to eat after checking our luggage. We waited in line, finally got food around 2:15 or 2:30 and began the day's drinking. The food was awesome and I didn't get made fun of for getting a plain sandwich. Then we left and caught our first beads of the day on our way back to the hotel. We ended up sitting at the hotel for over 30 minutes waiting to get a room, and Bootz and Muffy went to get beer while we waited, and then we started drinking. Open alcohol laws are fucking awesome. Finally we got up to our room, I showered and we were ready to head back out. I think things pretty much turned into a crazy haze right around this time, because I really don't remember exactly what happened next. I think we headed down to Bourbon Street. And, I think it was on our first stroll down Bourbon Street where I saw the first flasher. What amazed me more was all of the dudes with video cameras though. And if a chick ever looked like she was going to lift up her shirt, there was a circle of dudes around her in 2 seconds. I got a beer somewhere I think, and then we went to get hurricanes from Pat O'Brien's. Then Chips went to get her Mardi Gras initiation, complete with the dude who kind of humped her leg while he played her washboard suit. While Chips and Muffy were inside, Bootz was outside finishing her hurricane, at which point she said "When I'm puking later, this will be why." Shortly before she finished I went to get a Huge Ass Beer for $4 (sweet deal). I drank that, then had another one, and this is definitely where the night becomes foggy for a while. At some point I was without a drink, and we were walking down Bourbon Street, and Bootz wanted some chick on the balcony to throw her beads. The chick points at me or something, so Bootz pulls me over and lifts up my shirt. The chick on the balcony says that's not good enough, then says "His balls, your tits." So I did it of course. Ok, I didn't do it, I got out of there, and Bootz was close behind. At this point I busted out the phone and made something like 4 phone calls in a row. Shortly after (maybe, maybe not) we went to get pizza, and it was awesome. But to use the bathroom at this Mango Mango Pizza, you needed a receipt, so you had to wait in line and order pizza first. So I was last to order, then I went to the bathroom and came out to eat my pizza. While we were eating, Bootz dropped her pizza on the ground. Then she picked it up, took a bite, blew dust off of the pizza, then continued eating. She got the award for most drunk that night.
At some point, we were waiting to meet Muffy's friends outside of New Orleans' gross version of White Castle. I hear it makes White Castle seem delicious, which can't be good. Well, while we were waiting, we went into the Hustler store which was across the street, I think so the girls could use the bathroom. Of course, the bathrooms there were closed off. I would like to point out that while you may think going to an adult store with a group of girls is awesome, at some point it's going to get very awkward. And that point was right around the toy area. Luckily I was very drunk at this point, and I managed to block out some of the memories of the store, and then finally, shortly after the toy section, we left.
Somehow we decided to go back to the hotel, and then we went back out to watch the last parade (Endymion). We'd missed the first 10 floats or so, and we hung out for a little while before going back to the hotel again (I think). Before heading back, I managed to catch some beads with my bare hands, and by this point it was probably below 30 degrees outside, with a freezing wind. I thought I'd broken my finger. Anyways, back at the hotel, Bootz was spectacularly drunk, and spectatularly entertaining, and Chips decided she was done for the night too (after she got back from Wendy's). Muffy and I headed back out, but it was so ridiculously cold and windy. We went to Sean Kelly's for a while, and then we were going to go somewhere to dance, but cover was $20! They don't even have that at most places in Chicago! Then we checked across the street, and that place was $15 cover. So needless to say we went home. I think we got back around 12:30, had one more beer and then passed out.
Since everyone went to bed so early, we were all up early. Bootz was up at 6, I woke up at 8, Muffy at 8:30 or so, and Chips maybe at 9 or so. We all got ready around 10 and went do Cafe Du Monde for beignets. They were fucking awesome. Nothing like sweet pastries for breakfast. Then we wandered around New Orleans streets for a while, and Muffy was showing us around. Probably around 12:30 or 1 or so we went back to the hotel to get the beer from the night before. There were 7 left, so we started drinking those and headed out to the street for the first parade of the day. I think we'd finished 5 before the parade made its way over by us, so we went to get another 12-pack (our third so far of the trip). We also had to buy coozies because it was so incredibly cold. Well, I think by the end of the 2nd parade (the first two started within half an hour) we were done with the second 12-pack (Chips was deciding to wait for a while, but she had 2 beers without much to eat). Then we went to eat at another cafe whose name escapes me.
We were waiting in line, and there was this group of three dudes in front of us. We started talking to them, and they were all friends from law school at Pitt. At one point, they started talking a little bit of shit about Rex Grossman, so I stood up for Rex, and I proved my point, and while they may not have necessarily agreed, they at least thought the points were valid. We all decided to just sit together and eat. One of the guys seemed to be a little outspoken about how cool he thought I was, and while we were looking at menus, Bootz pointed out to me that that dude was totally gay and was flirting with me, and apparently I was flirting back. This was definitely news to me, as I didn't think he seemed gay, so I went for a second opinion to Muffy, who agreed 100%. Well, the girls made fun of me for it, and I tried to back off on the apparent flirting that was going on. But it was news to me. Anyways, the food was awesome, and not only was it awesome, but they had PBR specials too. I had 2 with dinner, and then got a third as we left. After dinner we left our new friends to head back to the parades.
This is totally the point where the night gets really hazy. We saw Bacchus, which was the one James Gandolfini was in, as was Drew Brees. While waiting for the parade to start, we had to use the bathroom. The closest was Wendy's, so we went in there, but there was a sign that said bathrooms were out of order, so use the porta-potties in the alley. They were sespools of filth, and I've never been more glad to be a dude. At one point when I was in line, I was in line behind this mom and her two little girls. Why you would bring your kids to Mardi Gras, I'm not sure. Muffy pointed out that there was another mother in the alley with one little girl, and she was telling her other child to go to the bathroom between the dumpsters. We thought it would be a little boy, and then out walks another little girl. And that was actually cleaner than the porta-potties. After the parade we went walking to Muffy's favorite bar, which is all the way at the end of Bourbon Street. I think I was drinking at this point, but I have no idea what. I might have gotten another Huge Ass Beer though. While we were at that bar, I might have been drinking, I don't know. Basically all I remember is that we were there for a while, and I apparently was singing or something. Then we left, and Muffy went to meet up with her friends after we got pizza, and the rest of us went home. We passed out at like 2, and then we woke up at 4:45 to catch our shuttle back to the airport which came at 5 to the hotel, and our flight left at 7:40.
There were certain things that surprised me. I said before I was surprised about all of the dudes with video cameras. I saw a chick with a shirt painted on, and she was really proud about it, letting everyone take pictures. I was also surprised by how many strip clubs there were on Bourbon Street.
And let me just say again that open alcohol laws are awesome. Some bars will only let you in if you buy something, which is kind of lame, because if you have a drink they may not let you drink it inside. But it's awesome to be like, oh, I have this open beer, but I want to leave. Oh, hey, I'll take it outside! Oh, let's go into this place. I'll drink this beer. Wait, no, I'll take it inside! New Orleans is fucking awesome. If it hadn't been so cold it would have been even more fun (but slightly harder to remember probably).
So that was the trip. Just about a month and a half until we head out to Vegas.
We went to bed a little after 12 on Friday night, and we couldn't decide what time we wanted to leave. I'd already checked us in online, so we just had to wait to get through security. We didn't know how much snow would be on the roads, so we got picked up at 4:30 Saturday morning, and we all woke up at 4:10 (Chips, Bootz, me; Muffy was already in Louisiana). We were through security by, like 5:15 or something, probably sooner, and our flight didn't leave until 6:30. Also, it was very depressing to be at the airport while stores were opening up. We got on the plane, and Muffy called just before to see how the weather was and if we'd be delayed, and also to mention that she was just getting home. Well, the weather was pretty fine, we were delayed like 20 minutes, but it was no big deal. The flight to Charlotte was fine, and everyone slept except for me. Bootz and I contemplated drinking once in Charlotte, but we chose not to hang out in one of the smoky bars just for a beer. We landed in New Orleans around 12:30 or so and met up with Muffy. We took a shuttle to our hotel, and this shuttle smelled like chicken parts, and there was a can of green beans in the back. We chose not to ask questions.
We got to our hotel at like 1:30, but check in wasn't until 3, so we went to Mothers to eat after checking our luggage. We waited in line, finally got food around 2:15 or 2:30 and began the day's drinking. The food was awesome and I didn't get made fun of for getting a plain sandwich. Then we left and caught our first beads of the day on our way back to the hotel. We ended up sitting at the hotel for over 30 minutes waiting to get a room, and Bootz and Muffy went to get beer while we waited, and then we started drinking. Open alcohol laws are fucking awesome. Finally we got up to our room, I showered and we were ready to head back out. I think things pretty much turned into a crazy haze right around this time, because I really don't remember exactly what happened next. I think we headed down to Bourbon Street. And, I think it was on our first stroll down Bourbon Street where I saw the first flasher. What amazed me more was all of the dudes with video cameras though. And if a chick ever looked like she was going to lift up her shirt, there was a circle of dudes around her in 2 seconds. I got a beer somewhere I think, and then we went to get hurricanes from Pat O'Brien's. Then Chips went to get her Mardi Gras initiation, complete with the dude who kind of humped her leg while he played her washboard suit. While Chips and Muffy were inside, Bootz was outside finishing her hurricane, at which point she said "When I'm puking later, this will be why." Shortly before she finished I went to get a Huge Ass Beer for $4 (sweet deal). I drank that, then had another one, and this is definitely where the night becomes foggy for a while. At some point I was without a drink, and we were walking down Bourbon Street, and Bootz wanted some chick on the balcony to throw her beads. The chick points at me or something, so Bootz pulls me over and lifts up my shirt. The chick on the balcony says that's not good enough, then says "His balls, your tits." So I did it of course. Ok, I didn't do it, I got out of there, and Bootz was close behind. At this point I busted out the phone and made something like 4 phone calls in a row. Shortly after (maybe, maybe not) we went to get pizza, and it was awesome. But to use the bathroom at this Mango Mango Pizza, you needed a receipt, so you had to wait in line and order pizza first. So I was last to order, then I went to the bathroom and came out to eat my pizza. While we were eating, Bootz dropped her pizza on the ground. Then she picked it up, took a bite, blew dust off of the pizza, then continued eating. She got the award for most drunk that night.
At some point, we were waiting to meet Muffy's friends outside of New Orleans' gross version of White Castle. I hear it makes White Castle seem delicious, which can't be good. Well, while we were waiting, we went into the Hustler store which was across the street, I think so the girls could use the bathroom. Of course, the bathrooms there were closed off. I would like to point out that while you may think going to an adult store with a group of girls is awesome, at some point it's going to get very awkward. And that point was right around the toy area. Luckily I was very drunk at this point, and I managed to block out some of the memories of the store, and then finally, shortly after the toy section, we left.
Somehow we decided to go back to the hotel, and then we went back out to watch the last parade (Endymion). We'd missed the first 10 floats or so, and we hung out for a little while before going back to the hotel again (I think). Before heading back, I managed to catch some beads with my bare hands, and by this point it was probably below 30 degrees outside, with a freezing wind. I thought I'd broken my finger. Anyways, back at the hotel, Bootz was spectacularly drunk, and spectatularly entertaining, and Chips decided she was done for the night too (after she got back from Wendy's). Muffy and I headed back out, but it was so ridiculously cold and windy. We went to Sean Kelly's for a while, and then we were going to go somewhere to dance, but cover was $20! They don't even have that at most places in Chicago! Then we checked across the street, and that place was $15 cover. So needless to say we went home. I think we got back around 12:30, had one more beer and then passed out.
Since everyone went to bed so early, we were all up early. Bootz was up at 6, I woke up at 8, Muffy at 8:30 or so, and Chips maybe at 9 or so. We all got ready around 10 and went do Cafe Du Monde for beignets. They were fucking awesome. Nothing like sweet pastries for breakfast. Then we wandered around New Orleans streets for a while, and Muffy was showing us around. Probably around 12:30 or 1 or so we went back to the hotel to get the beer from the night before. There were 7 left, so we started drinking those and headed out to the street for the first parade of the day. I think we'd finished 5 before the parade made its way over by us, so we went to get another 12-pack (our third so far of the trip). We also had to buy coozies because it was so incredibly cold. Well, I think by the end of the 2nd parade (the first two started within half an hour) we were done with the second 12-pack (Chips was deciding to wait for a while, but she had 2 beers without much to eat). Then we went to eat at another cafe whose name escapes me.
We were waiting in line, and there was this group of three dudes in front of us. We started talking to them, and they were all friends from law school at Pitt. At one point, they started talking a little bit of shit about Rex Grossman, so I stood up for Rex, and I proved my point, and while they may not have necessarily agreed, they at least thought the points were valid. We all decided to just sit together and eat. One of the guys seemed to be a little outspoken about how cool he thought I was, and while we were looking at menus, Bootz pointed out to me that that dude was totally gay and was flirting with me, and apparently I was flirting back. This was definitely news to me, as I didn't think he seemed gay, so I went for a second opinion to Muffy, who agreed 100%. Well, the girls made fun of me for it, and I tried to back off on the apparent flirting that was going on. But it was news to me. Anyways, the food was awesome, and not only was it awesome, but they had PBR specials too. I had 2 with dinner, and then got a third as we left. After dinner we left our new friends to head back to the parades.
This is totally the point where the night gets really hazy. We saw Bacchus, which was the one James Gandolfini was in, as was Drew Brees. While waiting for the parade to start, we had to use the bathroom. The closest was Wendy's, so we went in there, but there was a sign that said bathrooms were out of order, so use the porta-potties in the alley. They were sespools of filth, and I've never been more glad to be a dude. At one point when I was in line, I was in line behind this mom and her two little girls. Why you would bring your kids to Mardi Gras, I'm not sure. Muffy pointed out that there was another mother in the alley with one little girl, and she was telling her other child to go to the bathroom between the dumpsters. We thought it would be a little boy, and then out walks another little girl. And that was actually cleaner than the porta-potties. After the parade we went walking to Muffy's favorite bar, which is all the way at the end of Bourbon Street. I think I was drinking at this point, but I have no idea what. I might have gotten another Huge Ass Beer though. While we were at that bar, I might have been drinking, I don't know. Basically all I remember is that we were there for a while, and I apparently was singing or something. Then we left, and Muffy went to meet up with her friends after we got pizza, and the rest of us went home. We passed out at like 2, and then we woke up at 4:45 to catch our shuttle back to the airport which came at 5 to the hotel, and our flight left at 7:40.
There were certain things that surprised me. I said before I was surprised about all of the dudes with video cameras. I saw a chick with a shirt painted on, and she was really proud about it, letting everyone take pictures. I was also surprised by how many strip clubs there were on Bourbon Street.
And let me just say again that open alcohol laws are awesome. Some bars will only let you in if you buy something, which is kind of lame, because if you have a drink they may not let you drink it inside. But it's awesome to be like, oh, I have this open beer, but I want to leave. Oh, hey, I'll take it outside! Oh, let's go into this place. I'll drink this beer. Wait, no, I'll take it inside! New Orleans is fucking awesome. If it hadn't been so cold it would have been even more fun (but slightly harder to remember probably).
So that was the trip. Just about a month and a half until we head out to Vegas.
Labels: I'll impregnate you, Mardi Gras, weekend
posted by Jtrouble at 11:34 AM
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