My life should be more like Vegas

For those of you not aware, which was probably no one, this weekend was the first trip that I'd ever taken to Vegas, though I'd been wanting to go since I turned 21. Well, since returning, I want nothing more than to go back to Vegas. Of course, since trips are not quite cheap, I obviously can't afford to go. And I also can't afford to miss more work. So here is my plan to make my life more like being in Las Vegas.

Gogo dancers in my apartment. They really just brighten up the place. And, I mean, I know they have those at tons of places and not just in Las Vegas, but whatever. And I think I would put them in cages. Just chicks too. No dudes. I don't need dudes around when I'm trying to enjoy my gogo dancers. I think I would probably let the chicks out of their cages if they needed to go to the bathroom, but that's it. I don't want them to steal my stuff while I'm at work. Also, there are strict rules for the dancers. No sitting down while I'm in the room, I'm not paying you anything, you can't drink, there is a shift change once a night, and new dancers must come in every week or so, unless there is one I'm particularly fond of. And I refuse to do the interviewing of the new dancers. I don't have time for that. I'm thinking like 2 cages in my place, one on either side of the tv, and then one dancer per cage. That's reasonable enough. No need for trapeze shows though.

Multiple gambling tables in my apartment. Also, there would be a dealer for each table. And to make sure things are fair, they're going to rotate every hour unless I'm on a roll. I get to keep winnings of the house, since it's my apartment, and I also get to keep my own winnings. But my winnings when I'm playing aren't actually my money. It's actual profit, which comes from, say, selling things on the black market. I'm thinking maybe I'll let some losers in my apartment while I'm at work, then when I get home I'll kick them all out. No, I'll have a bouncer kick them out before I get home. I'll hire a dealer to double as a bouncer, and he may get paid, but none of the other dealers will. I will however tip them, as I am a very generous player.

Cocktail waittresses wandering around my apartment. Again, I'm not paying them, except for tips from my winnings. At least one of them has to be a short, hot Asian woman with large boobs like the one we had at New York New York for most of Sunday afternoon. I was a big fan of hers, especially as I got drunker.

It should be approximately 80 degrees and sunny for long stretches of time. This is required so I can be able to go to the pool. Which is in the sun. And is decorated with many hot chicks around.

I am allow to get as drunk and loud as I want. All the time. I am pretty sure the dealers will think I'm charming and clever as I say "You're breaking my balls" louder and louder everytime I don't get a blackjack or they flip a face card. In fact, the louder I get, the more charming and clever it is.

I think that's about all I can think of. Really, it's quite simple to do. Just start an underground gambling ring, I'll be the boss of it. Then it's going to get bigger as more people want to come and I'm going to turn into some crazy mob boss, and then I'm going to get really skeptical of all people I meet. Then I'll get really paranoid until I fall into an endless pit of insanity as my once-great gambling empire crumples without me around. There will also be something about prohibition in there too. Somehow my Vegas seems to have combined with The Untouchables and just about every other mob movie ever. Sounds about right.