Why you should (or should not) vote
Believe me, I'm not going to get all high and mighty about the beauties of having a democracy, where the people elect the officials, although somehow population determines how much your vote really counts (not much) in presidential elections, which doesn't seem entirely right. But I digress.
I admit to keeping a close eye on the election results last night, mainly because I thought it would be nice to have a Congress that, I don't know, actually did something rather than drown in its own corruption and scandals. I know I know, that's asking a lot.
I didn't vote yesterday. I don't plan on living in this Congressional district for more than the rest of this year, and I have absolutely no idea what's going on in our state Congress, but I also don't really care. Nor do I really care about governor. I mean, I'd rather keep the mob on my side if at all possible. But either way I doubt it personally affects me all that much, since I don't even pay attention to the taxes I pay and whatnot.
But, some of the results out there are just mind-boggling. So, I would like to present a couple of results that are, simply put, voted on by the dumbest people in the world. And from that, you can decide whether you think your vote would matter, you could rally enough people so all the idiots in America wouldn't make the decisions for the smart people, or you would rather just adopt (or maintain) the apathetic point of view to which you will cling, partly because it means you can mock both sides in hindsight.
1.) Dennis Hastert defeats John Laesch - Thanks to CNN, they have a little blurb about every candidate. Hastert was a teacher and wrestling coach. Laesch enlisted in the Navy and is currently a carpenter. I can't even contemplate what people in the 14th district of Illinois must be thinking (I'm not in that district am I??). 'Well, this guy was a wrestling coach and teacher, and he's been speaker of the house for a while, so he must be a good choice, right? I mean, that whole Mark Foley thing wasn't his fault, right? How was Hastert supposed to know 5 years ago when he first heard of the whole scandal that this would come back to bite him in this election? The other guy served in the Navy. I hate the Navy. I'm voting Hastert.' So, this means that people in Illinois' 14th district are dumber than almost the entire rest of the U.S., in that the U.S. is calling for Hastert's resignation, yet his constituents re-elect him.
2.) Tim Mahoney defeats Mark Foley - Big surprise here, I know. But here's the unsettling thing. THE DIFFERENCE WAS ONLY 4,000 VOTES! Mark Foley, sexual predator, for Congressional pages, still nearly managed to win. Now, I'm not entirely sure, but I think the way CNN was explaining this, was that some other guy was running in Foley's place. The way it sounded was that if Foley won, whoever was running in Foley's place would be the Congressman, but I think only until Foley got out of rehab. Rehab for liking little boys perhaps. So either this guy had the worst luck ever and Foley's name was still on the ticket but he was stepping down, or this guy was just keeping Foley's seat warm. Either way, it's good Foley lost, but what were those people thinking?? You'd think they were voting in Illinois' 14th district or something.
3.) George Allen vs. Jim Webb - This one isn't over yet. Apparently it looks like Webb beat the incumbent Allen, but they're holding a recount in Virginia just to make sure they don't screw it up. That's how close it is. According to CNN the difference is about 8000 votes. Now I may be unclear on this, but wasn't George Allen the guy who, a few weeks/months ago, referred to someone taping his speech "Macaca"? And isn't that a pretty bad ethnic slur in French or something? I'm going to assume it is. Now call me crazy, but I would have a hard time voting for someone who is extremely racist. But, then again, maybe you enjoy sleeping with your cousin and in Virginia, Allen would let you keep doing it. Or maybe you're screwed because you live in Virginia, you're really rich, you hate racism but you like money so much that you're stuck voting for the incumbent. Let's just hope Allen loses.
4.) Montana senate - It doesn't matter speaking about names in this election because most likely no one has any idea who any of the candidates are. The point is, this election is even closer than the Virginia election. The difference right now is about 4,000 votes. And looking at the results, it looks like about 400,000 people voted in Montana. I'm pretty sure that's about twice their population. Someone should look into that.
5.) Voting machines vs. Normal voting procedure - It looks like this one is a toss-up right now. I mean, with old school voting, you get things like hanging chads. That's an inventive screw-up. With some voting machines, they just don't count the vote. At least come up with some inventive excuse for it. Like, voting machines hate Jews, so they don't count those votes. See, now that's something inventive. Or, to be less politically incorrect about it: 'Voting machines don't respect your opinion and they think they know what's best for you. Also, they hate your cologne. So your vote won't count.' Now that's a good one too.
So, as you can see, there occasionally are races where its so close they need to recount just to make sure. But, most of the races are not so close. And, basically when it comes down to it, most of the time you're just choosing between a turd sandwich or a giant douche, and you won't be happy regardless of the outcome. So, go out there and vote! Or don't, I don't really care.
I admit to keeping a close eye on the election results last night, mainly because I thought it would be nice to have a Congress that, I don't know, actually did something rather than drown in its own corruption and scandals. I know I know, that's asking a lot.
I didn't vote yesterday. I don't plan on living in this Congressional district for more than the rest of this year, and I have absolutely no idea what's going on in our state Congress, but I also don't really care. Nor do I really care about governor. I mean, I'd rather keep the mob on my side if at all possible. But either way I doubt it personally affects me all that much, since I don't even pay attention to the taxes I pay and whatnot.
But, some of the results out there are just mind-boggling. So, I would like to present a couple of results that are, simply put, voted on by the dumbest people in the world. And from that, you can decide whether you think your vote would matter, you could rally enough people so all the idiots in America wouldn't make the decisions for the smart people, or you would rather just adopt (or maintain) the apathetic point of view to which you will cling, partly because it means you can mock both sides in hindsight.
1.) Dennis Hastert defeats John Laesch - Thanks to CNN, they have a little blurb about every candidate. Hastert was a teacher and wrestling coach. Laesch enlisted in the Navy and is currently a carpenter. I can't even contemplate what people in the 14th district of Illinois must be thinking (I'm not in that district am I??). 'Well, this guy was a wrestling coach and teacher, and he's been speaker of the house for a while, so he must be a good choice, right? I mean, that whole Mark Foley thing wasn't his fault, right? How was Hastert supposed to know 5 years ago when he first heard of the whole scandal that this would come back to bite him in this election? The other guy served in the Navy. I hate the Navy. I'm voting Hastert.' So, this means that people in Illinois' 14th district are dumber than almost the entire rest of the U.S., in that the U.S. is calling for Hastert's resignation, yet his constituents re-elect him.
2.) Tim Mahoney defeats Mark Foley - Big surprise here, I know. But here's the unsettling thing. THE DIFFERENCE WAS ONLY 4,000 VOTES! Mark Foley, sexual predator, for Congressional pages, still nearly managed to win. Now, I'm not entirely sure, but I think the way CNN was explaining this, was that some other guy was running in Foley's place. The way it sounded was that if Foley won, whoever was running in Foley's place would be the Congressman, but I think only until Foley got out of rehab. Rehab for liking little boys perhaps. So either this guy had the worst luck ever and Foley's name was still on the ticket but he was stepping down, or this guy was just keeping Foley's seat warm. Either way, it's good Foley lost, but what were those people thinking?? You'd think they were voting in Illinois' 14th district or something.
3.) George Allen vs. Jim Webb - This one isn't over yet. Apparently it looks like Webb beat the incumbent Allen, but they're holding a recount in Virginia just to make sure they don't screw it up. That's how close it is. According to CNN the difference is about 8000 votes. Now I may be unclear on this, but wasn't George Allen the guy who, a few weeks/months ago, referred to someone taping his speech "Macaca"? And isn't that a pretty bad ethnic slur in French or something? I'm going to assume it is. Now call me crazy, but I would have a hard time voting for someone who is extremely racist. But, then again, maybe you enjoy sleeping with your cousin and in Virginia, Allen would let you keep doing it. Or maybe you're screwed because you live in Virginia, you're really rich, you hate racism but you like money so much that you're stuck voting for the incumbent. Let's just hope Allen loses.
4.) Montana senate - It doesn't matter speaking about names in this election because most likely no one has any idea who any of the candidates are. The point is, this election is even closer than the Virginia election. The difference right now is about 4,000 votes. And looking at the results, it looks like about 400,000 people voted in Montana. I'm pretty sure that's about twice their population. Someone should look into that.
5.) Voting machines vs. Normal voting procedure - It looks like this one is a toss-up right now. I mean, with old school voting, you get things like hanging chads. That's an inventive screw-up. With some voting machines, they just don't count the vote. At least come up with some inventive excuse for it. Like, voting machines hate Jews, so they don't count those votes. See, now that's something inventive. Or, to be less politically incorrect about it: 'Voting machines don't respect your opinion and they think they know what's best for you. Also, they hate your cologne. So your vote won't count.' Now that's a good one too.
So, as you can see, there occasionally are races where its so close they need to recount just to make sure. But, most of the races are not so close. And, basically when it comes down to it, most of the time you're just choosing between a turd sandwich or a giant douche, and you won't be happy regardless of the outcome. So, go out there and vote! Or don't, I don't really care.
posted by Jtrouble at 11:02 AM
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