Questions to ask before marriage
I was reading one of the many blogs that I frequent daily at work, and I came across this interesting topic. Here is the link to the blog; I forget what the guy's name is. If only there was something to remind me...
Anyways, I thought it was really funny. So I'm going to copy his idea, except I'm just going to use my own answers, instead of the "right" and "honest" answers.
1. Have we discussed whether or not to have children, and if the answer is yes, who is to be the primary caregiver?
Uh, seriously, have we discussed it? I must have blocked it out. Or you were asking me when I was watching the Illini game and you didn't pause for my swearing outbursts. So what conclusion did we come to again? Right, you bear the kids, you take care of the kids, and we better have a hot nanny take care of them while you're at work. (I can take paternity leave, right?)
2. Do we have a clear idea of each other's financial obligations and goals, and do our ideas about spending mesh?
If you spend any more of MY money on shoes for YOU or another damn purse, I'm buying a big screen TV with YOUR shopping fund. Case closed.
3. Have we discussed our expectations for how the household will be maintained, and are we in agreement over who will manage the chores?
Shit, have we discussed this one? Here's the deal. Roomba does the vacuuming, and I'll clean him when he needs it. You clean everything else. And cook for me most of the time. And do those dishes too. (Doing also includes loading the dishwasher)
4. Have we fully disclosed our health histories, both physical and mental?
I may or may not have a problem with alcohol. I also may or may not have a problem with rage. Oh, and that rash is probably something you're not going to like the answer to if you ask about it, so you might just want to stay away from it. YOU'RE ALLERGIC TO DOGS???
5. Is my partner affectionate to the degree that I expect?
We're discussing marriage right? Then I will concede a no to the question. And I will not be happy with the concession.
6. Can we comfortably and openly discuss our sexual needs, preferences and fears?
I'm afraid that my needs to match your preferences, so you better do something about that.
7. Will there be a TV in the bedroom?
You're damn right there is. And I will have the remote. And if I want to fall asleep watching Kill Bill then you're going to have to deal with it.
8. Do we truly listen to each other and fairly consider one another's ideas and complaints?
No I don't want to talk about how I'm feeling. I'm watching the Illini. Don't you dare touch that remote. Don't do it! DON'T!! NO!!!!!
9. Have we reached a clear understanding of each other's spiritual beliefs and needs, and have we discusses when and how our children will be exposed to religious/moral education?
Damnit, I knew this was coming up. Ok, our kids will worship Ra, and they will be exposed to this at a very young age so they can get used to how much they'll be made fun of. But they'll have their revenge, oh yes, when Ra erases the world of those bastards.
10. Do we like and respect each other's friends?
I really like that one chick, what's her name, Kelly? Yeah, she's hot. But don't bring around the uggos. And, uh, when I say uggos, I mean ugly on the inside? (And outside.)
11. Do we value and respect each other's parents, and is either of us concerned about whether the parents will interfere with the relationship?
Well, your dad terrifies me. Seriously, I can see him thinking of ways to torture me whenever we talk. I'm worried he's building his own rack.
On the other hand, you probably better accept that my mom will never like you, but she will at least make an effort to be nice to your face. And I won't tell you the things she says behind your back. (But trust me, they're bad.)
12. What does my family do that annoys you?
Besides watching how much I drink and judging me? Well, I'd say that's pretty much it. You think my family hates you?? Come on, that's ridiculous. It's just my mom. And my dad. And Uncle Tom and Aunt Sally. And their kids. Really that's it though. About.
13. Are there some things that you and I are NOT prepared to give up in the marriage?
There is no way I'm getting rid of my poster of Jessica Alba. Also, don't you dare think that Xbox 360 is going anywhere. Get rid of that fucking cat though. Shit.
14. If one of us were to be offered a career opportunity in a location far from the other's family, are we prepared to move?
Am I still able to watch the Illini and the Cubs? If not, then I'm afraid you'll just have to pass on that job. I of course know that you'll move. Your job is easy!
15. Do each of us feel fully confident in the other's commitment to the marriage and believe that the bond can survive whatever challenges we may face?
Hmm, that's a tough one. I still can't really trust you, and I'm pretty positive you don't trust me, so, we'll agree to both be miserable? Deal!
I tried to mix in both some semi-honest answers and answers that were just plain ridiculous. Try and see which is which!
Anyways, I thought it was really funny. So I'm going to copy his idea, except I'm just going to use my own answers, instead of the "right" and "honest" answers.
1. Have we discussed whether or not to have children, and if the answer is yes, who is to be the primary caregiver?
Uh, seriously, have we discussed it? I must have blocked it out. Or you were asking me when I was watching the Illini game and you didn't pause for my swearing outbursts. So what conclusion did we come to again? Right, you bear the kids, you take care of the kids, and we better have a hot nanny take care of them while you're at work. (I can take paternity leave, right?)
2. Do we have a clear idea of each other's financial obligations and goals, and do our ideas about spending mesh?
If you spend any more of MY money on shoes for YOU or another damn purse, I'm buying a big screen TV with YOUR shopping fund. Case closed.
3. Have we discussed our expectations for how the household will be maintained, and are we in agreement over who will manage the chores?
Shit, have we discussed this one? Here's the deal. Roomba does the vacuuming, and I'll clean him when he needs it. You clean everything else. And cook for me most of the time. And do those dishes too. (Doing also includes loading the dishwasher)
4. Have we fully disclosed our health histories, both physical and mental?
I may or may not have a problem with alcohol. I also may or may not have a problem with rage. Oh, and that rash is probably something you're not going to like the answer to if you ask about it, so you might just want to stay away from it. YOU'RE ALLERGIC TO DOGS???
5. Is my partner affectionate to the degree that I expect?
We're discussing marriage right? Then I will concede a no to the question. And I will not be happy with the concession.
6. Can we comfortably and openly discuss our sexual needs, preferences and fears?
I'm afraid that my needs to match your preferences, so you better do something about that.
7. Will there be a TV in the bedroom?
You're damn right there is. And I will have the remote. And if I want to fall asleep watching Kill Bill then you're going to have to deal with it.
8. Do we truly listen to each other and fairly consider one another's ideas and complaints?
No I don't want to talk about how I'm feeling. I'm watching the Illini. Don't you dare touch that remote. Don't do it! DON'T!! NO!!!!!
9. Have we reached a clear understanding of each other's spiritual beliefs and needs, and have we discusses when and how our children will be exposed to religious/moral education?
Damnit, I knew this was coming up. Ok, our kids will worship Ra, and they will be exposed to this at a very young age so they can get used to how much they'll be made fun of. But they'll have their revenge, oh yes, when Ra erases the world of those bastards.
10. Do we like and respect each other's friends?
I really like that one chick, what's her name, Kelly? Yeah, she's hot. But don't bring around the uggos. And, uh, when I say uggos, I mean ugly on the inside? (And outside.)
11. Do we value and respect each other's parents, and is either of us concerned about whether the parents will interfere with the relationship?
Well, your dad terrifies me. Seriously, I can see him thinking of ways to torture me whenever we talk. I'm worried he's building his own rack.
On the other hand, you probably better accept that my mom will never like you, but she will at least make an effort to be nice to your face. And I won't tell you the things she says behind your back. (But trust me, they're bad.)
12. What does my family do that annoys you?
Besides watching how much I drink and judging me? Well, I'd say that's pretty much it. You think my family hates you?? Come on, that's ridiculous. It's just my mom. And my dad. And Uncle Tom and Aunt Sally. And their kids. Really that's it though. About.
13. Are there some things that you and I are NOT prepared to give up in the marriage?
There is no way I'm getting rid of my poster of Jessica Alba. Also, don't you dare think that Xbox 360 is going anywhere. Get rid of that fucking cat though. Shit.
14. If one of us were to be offered a career opportunity in a location far from the other's family, are we prepared to move?
Am I still able to watch the Illini and the Cubs? If not, then I'm afraid you'll just have to pass on that job. I of course know that you'll move. Your job is easy!
15. Do each of us feel fully confident in the other's commitment to the marriage and believe that the bond can survive whatever challenges we may face?
Hmm, that's a tough one. I still can't really trust you, and I'm pretty positive you don't trust me, so, we'll agree to both be miserable? Deal!
I tried to mix in both some semi-honest answers and answers that were just plain ridiculous. Try and see which is which!
Labels: marriage, why I'm single
posted by Jtrouble at 1:47 PM
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