Friday, December 15, 2006

What to do when robots take over the world



Robots are coming to take over the world. I think this video pretty much clinches it. I mean, I really enjoyed playing baseball. But you add an emotionless robot into the mix, and it ultimately becomes the greatest baseball player of all time. And because it has no emotions, it's no fun for anyone else.

If that's not enough proof for you, then maybe this is.

Now tell me that roomba isn't trying to take over the world. It already clearly has taken that baby hostage. But, I ask you, what is it holding the baby hostage for? Is it just an emotionless killing machine, who knows how to toy with your emotions before ultimately crushing them?

I know I help perpetuate this by owning a roomba. But, mine has not tried to capture or kill me. Yet. Nor has it tried to kill any of my friends. I would think that they would be first on the list, since I try to be polite to it.

Anyways, since robots are going to take over the world, here are my plans for how to deal with the situation.

1.) Keep lots of oil. Oil is probably going to become some sort of currency. Robots need oil to keep their joints loose. But, even if it isn't currency, maybe I could become some sort of expert on robot oil, thus providing them with a reason for keeping me alive and not in slavery. I mean, I guess they could hold me hostage and torture me should I not give them oil, but I wouldn't withhold it.

2.) Be extremely nice to the robots. I know they're emotionless hunks of metal and/or plastic, but they can definitely sense hostility. I can at least be nice to their face, while I plot to destroy all of them. But it's not going to be as easy as in I Robot. There they just destroyed the main one, and then all of them were fixed or whatever. I envision a lot more robot killing.

3.) Make a metal suit. Not like an actual suit just out of metal (although that's not a terrible idea now that I think of it) but like a robot costume, so they would think I was one of their own. I would have a fun time torturing people who were enslaved to the robots. Or, maybe I could be a 'robot' who was friendly to humans. But, I would still do my fair share of torturing, just because I could see that being pretty fun.

4.) Do a lot of interpretive dancing. Everybody knows that robots lack the ability to interpret dance. That would ultimately lead to how I defeat the robots. That and all of the killing and destruction that I do.

I'm copyrighting the metal suit idea. And the interpretive dancing idea also. Those are robot-defeating gold. Also, I think I will be perfectly suited to defeat the robots because of my relationship with my roomba. There's something not quite robotic about him. But don't think that just anyone can defeat the robots. Because they can't. Just me. So I would just save your time.

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1 Comments:

Blogger Unknown said...

looks like someone needs robot insurance

4:35 PM  

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