Manatee Love
There are probably a lot of people who have no idea what this is, so I just wanted to explain a little bit. For those of you who don't watch Conan (I don't normally), Monday night he was doing a skit entitled "New College Mascots" and one of the mascots was the Florida State Webcam Manatee or something (might not have been Florida State). Just the clip of the manatee was hilarious. But then Conan said you can see more on hornymanatee.com. Well, as liability law or something would have it, NBC was forced to buy hornymanatee.com since it wasn't an actual domain name yet. So now you have this.
Anyways, they're requesting pictures of manatee action, or man on manatee action, whatever you like. They're also requesting stories about manatee love. Well, I'm assuming that most of these are false. But my story is one of unrequited love. And it's completely true.
When I first moved to Peoria, I was a little short on money, and I decided to take out an ad to let someone crash on my futon for a couple weeks. No big deal I thought, I'll just screen everyone who comes through, and I'll pick the right one for me. Well, as it turns out, Peoria is filled with a bunch of crazy people. Finally, after showing my apartment for about three days, when I was almost ready to give up, in walks the most beautiful manatee I've ever seen.
She was amazing. She had a nice round sea cow belly, and, uh, those whisker things. And that snout. Wow. And the eyes? Windows to the soul. I think I could sea heaven in them. Or thought processes.
Well, I knew if I lived with this hot sea cow that I might be playing with fire, but she was the only sane one I saw the entire time, so I let her stay. I thought I can fight the temptation for 3 weeks or so (that was really all I needed to get back on my feet). So, I let her stay with me.
So the three weeks go by, and there were no incidents or anything. Actually, she was gone on one of the weekends anyways. The time flew by. But then right before she moved out, I came home from work to find her in a towel. She used a beach towel to dry herself off. You know, since she was a sea cow. But there was actually a manatee on the towel too. I thought that was hilarious.
Anyways, she tried to seduce me. I told her that I had fallen in love with her, and all of her manatee ways, but alas, it could not be. I was a dude, and she was just a girl sea cow. With whisker things. I enjoy watching tv, she lacks rational thought. I like my food cooked, she enjoys eating grass. And seaweed. Kelp.
Just too many differences. We live in two different worlds.
Obviously, she was crushed and she ran out. I cried my share of tears over the situation. Well, the next day while I was at work, she came and emptied out her stuff, and I never saw her again.
I still remember all the fun we had. Her laugh, her giant, sea cow belly, it was so round. The way her whisker things moved when she got kelp stuck in them. The way she devoured kelp. I'll be damned if she didn't love kelp. I'll still remember that manatee towel too. That was hilarious.
Everytime I feel the wind blow, I hear it whisper the name Lowenstein. For reasons other than the manatee, I just thought I'd include that part there.
Anyways, they're requesting pictures of manatee action, or man on manatee action, whatever you like. They're also requesting stories about manatee love. Well, I'm assuming that most of these are false. But my story is one of unrequited love. And it's completely true.
When I first moved to Peoria, I was a little short on money, and I decided to take out an ad to let someone crash on my futon for a couple weeks. No big deal I thought, I'll just screen everyone who comes through, and I'll pick the right one for me. Well, as it turns out, Peoria is filled with a bunch of crazy people. Finally, after showing my apartment for about three days, when I was almost ready to give up, in walks the most beautiful manatee I've ever seen.
She was amazing. She had a nice round sea cow belly, and, uh, those whisker things. And that snout. Wow. And the eyes? Windows to the soul. I think I could sea heaven in them. Or thought processes.
Well, I knew if I lived with this hot sea cow that I might be playing with fire, but she was the only sane one I saw the entire time, so I let her stay. I thought I can fight the temptation for 3 weeks or so (that was really all I needed to get back on my feet). So, I let her stay with me.
So the three weeks go by, and there were no incidents or anything. Actually, she was gone on one of the weekends anyways. The time flew by. But then right before she moved out, I came home from work to find her in a towel. She used a beach towel to dry herself off. You know, since she was a sea cow. But there was actually a manatee on the towel too. I thought that was hilarious.
Anyways, she tried to seduce me. I told her that I had fallen in love with her, and all of her manatee ways, but alas, it could not be. I was a dude, and she was just a girl sea cow. With whisker things. I enjoy watching tv, she lacks rational thought. I like my food cooked, she enjoys eating grass. And seaweed. Kelp.
Just too many differences. We live in two different worlds.
Obviously, she was crushed and she ran out. I cried my share of tears over the situation. Well, the next day while I was at work, she came and emptied out her stuff, and I never saw her again.
I still remember all the fun we had. Her laugh, her giant, sea cow belly, it was so round. The way her whisker things moved when she got kelp stuck in them. The way she devoured kelp. I'll be damned if she didn't love kelp. I'll still remember that manatee towel too. That was hilarious.
Everytime I feel the wind blow, I hear it whisper the name Lowenstein. For reasons other than the manatee, I just thought I'd include that part there.
posted by Jtrouble at 9:35 AM
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