I want a pet
Basically I've been against getting myself a pet for a long time. However, my last year in school, a roommate (against my wishes) got a puppy. And I fell in love with it. So I decided I wanted a dog. However, I can't really justify cleaning up an animal's shit, especially on carpet. But, Peoria is boring, so I've been thinking about a list of animals that I would get as a pet. And this list is in no particular order.
1. A Midget. I mean a little person. Think about it, you could train it to retrieve things, and you don't even have to clean up its poop. Ideally at least. A kid would be a reasonable substitute, but then they get bigger and you have to clean up their poop for a while. Also, I'm not really serious about a little person. Or am I?
2. A puppy. Obviously, I still think it would be great to get a puppy. But not one of those little girly dogs that is more like a cross between a rat and a dog. But I can't get a dog too big,because most places probably have rules about dog size. I think a dog would be great because it would attract people to me. It would be a great companion, I could use my knowledge and wisdom thanks to many episodes of the Dog Whisperer. Also, maybe I could train it to get me a beer out of the refrigerator.
3. A monkey. Who wouldn't want a monkey? They're smarter than probably a lot of people, mainly because they don't say really stupid things. So, I'm pretty sure I'd rather have a monkey than a roommate. Also, they're really mischievous. I mean, come on, they throw their own poop everywhere! Now, I wouldn't want to clean poop off the floor, especially off of carpet, but if I'm cleaning it off of a wall, I would probably just be laughing and muttering 'You got me again monkey.' Monkeys have tails, so it could feasibly bring me like 3 beers at once. And it could drink a beer by itself without me having to pour the beer into a bowl. I've never seen a drunk monkey, but I'm pretty sure it's awesome. And I could train the monkey to attack. Seriously, I can't think of one bad thing about having a monkey. Oh, I guess maybe the chance of getting the flesh-eating virus would be a bad thing. But still, it's a monkey!
4. Meerkats. If you have not seen Meerkat Manor then you have not lived. Meerkats are the most awesome animals on earth. They rub their butt on stuff to mark their territory and to show their dominance, they eat grubs and scorpions, they stand on their hind legs like a bunch of little Rory Calhouns, and they playfight. So what if they shit all over, dig up my carpet, and tear everything apart? Oh, and they bite a lot too. The point is, these are awesome animals. And they would be awesome to have as pets. I think the fact that it's unrealistic is even better too. They only get to be like 12 inches tall! I would get like 5 or so, because they're pack animals. And then hopefully I could get a bunch of meerkat pups out of the deal, and then they would all be subservient to me. I guess one downside would be having to mark everything I own so they know that I'm the pack leader, but still, it would be awesome.
5. A stingray. Just so I can have it stab my enemies, and as a reminder from StingWar 2006-2007.
1. A Midget. I mean a little person. Think about it, you could train it to retrieve things, and you don't even have to clean up its poop. Ideally at least. A kid would be a reasonable substitute, but then they get bigger and you have to clean up their poop for a while. Also, I'm not really serious about a little person. Or am I?
2. A puppy. Obviously, I still think it would be great to get a puppy. But not one of those little girly dogs that is more like a cross between a rat and a dog. But I can't get a dog too big,because most places probably have rules about dog size. I think a dog would be great because it would attract people to me. It would be a great companion, I could use my knowledge and wisdom thanks to many episodes of the Dog Whisperer. Also, maybe I could train it to get me a beer out of the refrigerator.
3. A monkey. Who wouldn't want a monkey? They're smarter than probably a lot of people, mainly because they don't say really stupid things. So, I'm pretty sure I'd rather have a monkey than a roommate. Also, they're really mischievous. I mean, come on, they throw their own poop everywhere! Now, I wouldn't want to clean poop off the floor, especially off of carpet, but if I'm cleaning it off of a wall, I would probably just be laughing and muttering 'You got me again monkey.' Monkeys have tails, so it could feasibly bring me like 3 beers at once. And it could drink a beer by itself without me having to pour the beer into a bowl. I've never seen a drunk monkey, but I'm pretty sure it's awesome. And I could train the monkey to attack. Seriously, I can't think of one bad thing about having a monkey. Oh, I guess maybe the chance of getting the flesh-eating virus would be a bad thing. But still, it's a monkey!
4. Meerkats. If you have not seen Meerkat Manor then you have not lived. Meerkats are the most awesome animals on earth. They rub their butt on stuff to mark their territory and to show their dominance, they eat grubs and scorpions, they stand on their hind legs like a bunch of little Rory Calhouns, and they playfight. So what if they shit all over, dig up my carpet, and tear everything apart? Oh, and they bite a lot too. The point is, these are awesome animals. And they would be awesome to have as pets. I think the fact that it's unrealistic is even better too. They only get to be like 12 inches tall! I would get like 5 or so, because they're pack animals. And then hopefully I could get a bunch of meerkat pups out of the deal, and then they would all be subservient to me. I guess one downside would be having to mark everything I own so they know that I'm the pack leader, but still, it would be awesome.5. A stingray. Just so I can have it stab my enemies, and as a reminder from StingWar 2006-2007.
posted by Jtrouble at 11:09 AM
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